Empathy good for sex

Sex with empathy: better for both

The better you understand how your partner feels, the better sex life you’ll have.

If you’re good at empathising – grasping what your partner is feeling during sex – it won’t just boost your partner’s pleasure, but also your own, a study of young people in the US found.

Both men and women need to understand how their partner feels to boost their own sexual satisfaction, the researchers say. Empathetic people have more regular orgasms and get more enjoyment both from giving and receiving oral sex.

Empathy may increase motivation to give sexual and other kinds of pleasure to the partner, say the researchers. A person who understands how his or her partner feels can enjoy the other’s pleasure as well, they reasoned.


Being able to empathise was important for sexual pleasure for both men and women. But for women another characteristic is also important. A woman’s autonomy – her strength to follow her personal convictions – and her self-esteem also contribute to her pleasure levels.

This might be because of the social norms related to sexuality, say the scientists. Studies show that women feel more awkward about letting their partners know what they want in bed. And they have more trouble than men in actually knowing what they want in the first place.

Oral sex

The researchers also found that men and women differ in their level of sexual enjoyment. Nine out of ten young men say they achieve orgasm most or all of the time, compared to 5 out of 10 young women. What’s more, compared to the women, the men not only enjoyed receiving oral sex more, but also giving it.


The orgasm results came as no surprise to the researchers. But they found it interesting that young men were more likely than young women to say they enjoyed giving oral sex to their partners. This breaks the stereotype that males are more concerned with their own sexual pleasure.

The amount of pleasure people get from sex has nothing to do with their age, race, ethnicity, wealth or social status, the researchers found.

What do you think about more during lovemaking – pleasing your partner, or pleasing yourself? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (22)

  1. Most do like oral sex because
    Most do like oral sex because they say it makes them get fully sartisfied and boost their immune

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      That’s right, and especially for women, it can be easier to have an orgasm with oral sex.

  2. Both myself n my partner
    Both myself n my partner

    1. Hi Philip,

      Hi Philip,
      Thanks for your input!

  3. i have a question and I WANT
    i have a question and I WANT HELP WITH IT PLEASE!!!!!

    1. Hi Molly,

      Hi Molly,
      no worries, we try to answer all questions we get. How may we help you?

    1. Hi John,

      Hi John,
      what’s with you and your partner?

  4. oral. sex like kissing
    oral. sex like kissing enables both partners to achieve full orgasm ,especially the female who achieves multiple orgasms

    1. Hi Dominic,

      Hi Dominic,
      that’s right- for many women, it can be easier to have an orgasm during oral sex than during actual intercourse.

  5. i owes put d plesha of ma
    i owes put d plesha of ma galfwend 1st en believe u me, we cn’t hold ourslves whn we 2gther!!! 😉

    1. Hey there,

      Hey there,
      that’s great to hear, I’m sure she appreciated it a lot!

  6. My partner wanna hve Anul sex
    My partner wanna hve Anul sex n m nt yet ready bcoz i dnt knw hw t hv it n when we r trying it iz painfull,,, what cn i do gyz coz I lv hm n I dnt wanna lose hm

    1. Hi Nelly,

      Hi Nelly,
      I hope you are doing it for other reasons other than not wanting to lose him!
      In our ‘Making love’ section, you will find more information on anal sex, and how to make it less painful. The trick is being very, very gentle, and to use lots and lots of lube.
      Give it another try, after preparing properly, and see if you like it.
      Good luck!

  7. what can aman do to make
    what can aman do to make awuman feels like avng sex?

    1. Hi David,

      Hi David,
      has she had sex before? Has she had sex with you before?
      Generally, the best thing you can do is to ask her if she wants to have sex. And, you can ask her what she likes.
      And then of course, once she has agreed, you can touch her and caress her.
      Does this answer your question?

  8. Helloo, i’ve asked u dis b4
    Helloo, i’ve asked u dis b4 bt no reply.. Pls i need to knw abt ways or styles or positions u cn use wen u’r making love.

    1. Hi Olukemi,

      Hi Olukemi,
      we try our best to answer every single question, but this must have slipped through the gaps somewhere.
      There are thousands of ways to make love, and so, so many positions; from missionary, doggy style, girl on top… What you want to do, what works for you and your partner is for you to decide. You shouldn’t start planning sex in a way where you say ‘today, we should make love in missionary position’. Be flexible, creative and just see what you like! You can check our ‘Making Love’ section for the basics: http://lovematters.co.ke/resource/ways-make-love

  9. wea can u carres ua man to b
    wea can u carres ua man to b sexy

    1. The best way to find out by
      The best way to find out by trying new areas all the time. Explore your partner’s body! Everybody is different, and while someone might find stroking the lower back sexy, others might prefer the legs. It’s all about trying new stuff and seeing how he reacts!

  10. is it normal 4 ateen of abt 2
    is it normal 4 ateen of abt 2 have alot of vaginal fluid

    1. Jerry,

      what do you mean by a teen of about 2?

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