two guys and a girl in bed
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My husband wants to have a threesome

My husband wants to include others in our intimate sessions. I’ve told him I have no desire to be with another man or woman. He says it would be a real turn on to see me with someone else and him with a different woman. I don’t mind sharing – except my man! It’s tearing our relationship apart. I’m so confused and heartbroken. What do I do?

Dear confused and heartbroken,

That is a very tough proposition. It reminds of the movie ‘Indecent Proposal’ where a billionaire offers a married couple one million dollars. In return, the wife has to spend one night with him. After difficult discussions, the couples agree but their marriage takes a downhill spiral. Issues of mistrust and insecurities eventually lead them to divorce.

This goes to show that without boundaries and principles, marriage just like any other institution, is bound to fail. It doesn’t matter if the breaching of those boundaries was mutual or not.

Before taking drastic measures like frog marching him for prayers to rebuke the devil out of him, or a meeting with his parents to discuss what a pervert they raised, you might want to consider the following:

  • Sex within marriage is sacred. In fact, marriages can be annulled if they’re not consummated through sex. This is applicable in most of Kenya, both culturally and religiously.
  • Biologically, a woman in her sexual peak produces a hormone known as oxytocin, or the bonding/love hormone. This feel-good hormone makes women bond or fall in love with a mate. Even though men don’t realize it, a whiff of this potent hormone subconsciously bonds a man to a woman.

Now having said that, what would stop you or your husband falling in love with the other people introduced in the sexual acts? There’s also the issue of size, especially for men. What if the other guy has a bigger penis? How will your husband react to that?

Another questions to ask is whether your husband is interested in adding another woman? If so, is he prepared for any negatives feelings you might have if she turns out to be amazing in bed?

My theory is that your husband could just be bored with your bedroom activities. If you are a couple that always has sex in the same position, under the covers, with the lights off, it might be time to change things up a bit.

If this is the case, then a little spicing up and kinkiness will turn the heat up a notch. The first order of business is to find out what he fantasizes about. You can do this by asking him what kind of women he had in mind when thinks of adding more people into the mix. You can then prepare yourself and act out his fantasy. Remember that you have to be comfortable with it. And, it has to be safe and consensual. If he is into dominant women then a cop outfit complete with handcuffs would be a starting point. If he likes naughty girls, then learn how to strip tease and lap dance.

But what about you? What about the woman? This doesn’t have to be about him only. I hope you see this as a challenge for yourself as well. How fun and exciting would it be for you as well to see him sweating bullets as you handcuff him to your bed? He won’t know what is coming! You can always make a request of your own- whether it was a full body massage or doing it on the dining room table.

If your husband still insists on a third party, it might be time to sit down and talk about what the real issues are.

Above all, enjoy each other and be safe.

 

Have you ever been pressured into doing a sexual act that you were not sure about? How did you handle it? Share your experience with us on the discussion board, Facebook, or drop us a note below. 

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Recent Comments (34)

  1. iyuuu it hurts so much I can
    iyuuu it hurts so much I can imagine how much pain you going through .I think u have to change your bedroom activities .

    1. Thanks for your input
      Thanks for your input Precious.

  2. I think it is unusual to hear
    I think it is unusual to hear somebody wanting to share his partner with another man.With th jealousy that men have, no!

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Okware.

  3. I’ts not jusy easy for
    I’ts not jusy easy for husband or wife to open their eye and be watching another person having sex with one of them, it’s very very shameful.

    1. Thanks for your input we
      Thanks for your input we appreciate.

  4. There men who just like that

    There men who just like that
    However much she try those other things
    He will still want what he wants,i very hard to change wat they want
    He might pretend to have let it go but latter,he will come back to it

    Think about it carefully..but if he insists the. Let it go
    Nothing good will come out of it
    Think about the diseases too

    1. Thanks for your support and
      Thanks for your support and input Bira.

  5. I think your husband is a
    I think your husband is a pavert of some kind. think of the consequences before taking a ride down that road. I wouldn’t advice that you agree. marriage is a sacred union. make him understand that.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Dan.

  6. it simply shows that he don’t
    it simply shows that he don’t love his partner

    1. Thanks for sharing Antony.
      Thanks for sharing Antony.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Robert.

  7. for me I think there is a
    for me I think there is a problem with the lady….she has to realize that and rectify….may be she is inactive in bed while the man needs an active patner

    1. Thanks for the input and for
      Thanks for the input and for sharing your thoughts with us Kibe.

  8. I wonder how to go about it
    I wonder how to go about it coz sharing love is not sharing a cake but yr hearts, try en ask him y he is going such vairal en see wat? Such bad!

    1. Thanks for the input Juma.
      Thanks for the input Juma.

  9. Its high time you dig into
    Its high time you dig into the source of the problem then solve it once n for all

    1. Thanks Calvo for sharing your
      Thanks Calvo for sharing your thoughts.

  10. Your husband may be looking
    Your husband may be looking for away of testing other ladies and when you later complain, he will excuse himself that you allowed it.

    1. Thanks for your input Nyash,
      Thanks for your input Nyash, its much appreciated.

  11. Sharing Aman/awoman is
    Sharing Aman/awoman is something i fear cos now days HIV/AIDS is everywhere.i would suggest one man one woman.

    1. Thanks for your input Andrew.
      Thanks for your input Andrew.

  12. Then thats nolonger love but
    Then thats nolonger love but lust at its worst. Yo hubby has a spirit of lust that you both have to fight vigorously. He should be copying such from porn material so he needs counceling. Mariege is btn a man en a woman not a man and women or the orther way round.

    1. Thanks Richard for your input
      Thanks Richard for your input and support.

  13. Hi Admin,am totally out of
    Hi Admin,am totally out of the topic BT consider my request too. Do we av any madicins to elonget an unerected penis. When its erected its big, BT when its at rest its too small

    1. Hi Seth, why would you want
      Hi Seth, why would you want to elongate un erected penis, what would be the point of that?

  14. I think u r husband hates
    I think u r husband hates something in u may be in bed or in dressing so that he may react to call upon another women so you might change your lifestyle smoothly or else you completely disagree with that threesome it may course you harm

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Gobe.

  15. Quite unfortunate. Think…
    Quite unfortunate. Think about this, where is your marriage grounded? It’s shameful and disrespectful to even think about that. Marriage is not about being turned on or so, it’s about mutual respect and commitment. Don’t admit to his his want. Twosome, threesome etc are mostly in movies but in real life, no one can even fathom my wife’s private life.

    1. Hi, We appreciate your…
      Hi, We appreciate your honest feedback and contribution.

  16. He’s a pervert. But as for u…
    He’s a pervert. But as for u, are u comfortable with sharing him. Make him understand n if he doesn’t, let go

    1. We appreciate your…
      We appreciate your contribution Restie. You will find though that some couples will be interested in having a threesome for different reasons.

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