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Big penis and sex: do's and don'ts

By Steffi Friday, December 30, 2016 - 11:16
A big penis can be uncomfortable or even painful during intercourse. Consider our tips if size is getting in the way of your pleasure.
Do...
Use lubricants and foreplay

Not being aroused and wet enough is the most common cause for pain during sex in women. And when a larger-than-average penis is involved, it can become so bad that the pleasure is lost. So if you are aware that you have a big penis, there are a few things you can do to avoid discomfort to your partner. Make sure your partner is wet and aroused – that will make penetration a lot easier. You can even use extra lubrication. Also, make sure she is relaxed. If she is afraid of the pain that may come, she will tighten her muscles in anticipation, which will make sex even more difficult and painful. An orgasm during foreplay can help to relax her, as can breathing out when you try to enter the vagina.

Know what's causing the pain

It's important to know what is causing the discomfort or pain. Is it the head of the penis hitting the cervix, or is it on first trying to enter the vagina? The solution to the problem will depend on where the problem is. For example, if the penis hitting the cervix is the problem, positions with shallow penetration could be the answer. It could also be that your partner isn't aroused enough yet. The vagina gets longer and expands with arousal. If entering the vagina is the problem, make sure you follow the instructions on lubrication and arousal and start by inserting a finger or two to loosen the muscles a bit.

Experiment

Once you have taken care of the arousal and lubrication, you should start experimenting. What hurts and what feels good? Try different sex positions. For example, the woman on top can work well, because she is the one in charge of the depth of penetration. Also, keep in mind that not the entire penis has to go in the vagina. The tip of the penis has the most nerve endings, the base is far less important (and can even get stimulated by other things, like hands or vibrators). And keep experimenting. The vagina can get looser and adjust to a bigger penis with time, so don't give up too early. Just make sure you don't hurt your partner. If nothing has worked for the two of you, it might be best to discuss this with your doctor together.

Know the circumstances

Sometimes, there are other factors that can cause the pain. They can be psychological, like a previous bad experience with sex. Or even abuse and rape. They can also be physical. Has your partner undergone female genital mutilation, for example? Or did she recently have a child? These may not be directly related to a large penis, but they could still be a reason why you have problems having pleasurable sex.

Don't...
Use force

No matter what the cause of the problem is, never use force! Force will cause more pain, and, even worse, it will make your partner fear sex, which will lead to a vicious circle: the more force you use, the more afraid of pain she will be the next time, which means you will need more force, causing more pain. As a general rule, if you feel resistance, stop, withdraw, let her relax and ask if you should try again. Be very, very gentle and patient. And if it doesn't work, try doing something else, like oral sex, or mutual masturbation and try again another time.

Shy away from feedback during sex

It's important to keep checking in with your partner while having sex. You need to be able to communicate. Often, a few words like 'slower', 'stop', 'this is fine' are enough. It's important to listen to each other. If you don't do what she wants, she might lose trust. It is important to talk to your partner about the issue. The more open the two of you can be, and the safer your partner feels with you, the better.

Be too scared

Even if it feels like your penis is way too big for your partner's vagina, remember that the vagina is a wonderful organ that can adapt and change. Just think about it: even a baby can pass through it, so as long as you take all the precautions as mentioned above and keep gently trying, you should be able to have pleasurable sex.

 

Have you ever experienced discomfort or pain while having sex? Are there any other tips you can suggest? Talk to us on our discussion forum or send us a message via Facebook.

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