Young man pointing to himself

Simply the best

Sex is something no one wants to be bad at, and we all like to think that we’re pretty good at it in our own way. But how do you know you are truly good?


‘Ask about me, I’m really good.’
‘You’re not ready for me.’
‘You’ve never had an orgasm? Well, welcome to your first time.’

We’ve all heard this or something similar when it comes to both guys and gals talking about their sexual prowess. It’s a pretty effective sales pitch. Because who wouldn’t sell themselves as proficient to someone they’re trying to sleep with?

If you knew the chances of satisfaction were as close to guaranteed as possible, you’d be more inclined to jump on the opportunity, as it were.

Although… Is it really guaranteed? Can any one person say with certainty that they are overall good in bed when we are all so different? There’s no one thing that works across the board, is there?

Our bodies are wired differently, respond to stimuli differently… If there isn’t a one-size-fits-all, how can any of us proclaim to be anything more than average? Are there things that transcend people’s differences that can have someone typecast as ‘good in bed’?


However, very few people make sure that, as their train checks into the station, the other train is running on time as well.

This is especially true for guys. That may be why we keep hearing more and more about the scores of women who have never had orgasms. Hard to believe all the hype about all these people supposedly killing the sex game with stories like that floating around.

Reality check: how many people are honest when the person they’ve slept with asks if it was good for them? Not that many.

If you ask this right after sex, it’s a very vulnerable position and most people will be inclined to lie just to avoid an awkward line of questioning. Plus, it’s not a topic a lot of people can take criticism on, even if it is constructive. Especially men take a lot of pride in fulfilling their partners sexually.

So if your claims are based off of questionnaires, you may want to make sure your sample size is not compromised.


To be good at anything, let alone sex, has a lot to do with the reasons you have sex. Granted, everyone is in it for his or her own satisfaction.

To be good in bed in your partner’s eyes, however, means you have to be in it for their satisfaction as well. Are you open to guidance, to learning new things? If you go into sex with the mentality that what you know is the end all be all, you may be stroking your own ego more than your partner’s good bits.

Communication, situational awareness, reciprocity…

To be good in bed requires a lot of factors working in sync with each other. Why? The human body is complex, that’s why.

Believe in your ability to harness all these and more to make every experience enjoyable for your partner, but never believe your own hype. Stay inquisitive, inventive and invigorating. Your scorecard may yet depend on it.

Do you have questions about being a better lover? Head to our forum!

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LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships