Sexual compatibility: can you live with it
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Sexual compatibility: can you live without it?

Sex is important – we all know it. But how important is it? ‘It can make or mar your relationship,’ a friend said. She seemed convinced. ‘I am in a relationship with no sexual compatibility. It’s difficult so I’ve decided to quit,’ she said.


My friend started dating this guy two weeks ago and found him amusing at many levels. He was smart and intelligent and funny. What more could you ask for?

‘Yeah, exactly what I thought to myself. I was having a fun time meeting him for lunches and dinners and movies. And it all seemed to go quite well until we entered the bedroom,’ she said.

Bad sex

And then it went downhill. The kissing and the foreplay were alright. But the real action missed passion.

‘I don’t know how to put it. We were just on different wavelengths. It’s difficult to judge on the first go, right? So I was ready to give it another shot. But I was only disappointed. I still gave it another try, but it didn’t work,’ my friend said.

Giving up

So she finally gave up on her ambitions of having a perfect life with this amazing man. She was certain she couldn’t live with someone who would leave her dissatisfied.

‘I wasn’t reaching any orgasms. But that’s not all. I also didn’t feel that we wanted the same things from sex. I am not sure how to explain. Let’s say we were looking for different outcomes from sex,’ my friend explained.

Breaking the news

And though my friend hasn’t met this guy in a week, she still doesn’t know how to break the news to him. She has been avoiding confrontation.

‘Well, there’s a big problem. I think he might take offence if I mention that I don’t like having sex with him. But I also can’t go on like this. So I guess I have to stick to at least half the truth. I’m going to tell him, he’s not able to give me what I need in a relationship,’ my friend said.

Have you ever ended a relationship because of the sex? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook

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Recent Comments (18)

  1. sex is not like a one way
    sex is not like a one way traffic but it may be for a raper or a wild beast. When we talk about sex it means we are consonent for it and we our hearts are clean of agreviances if we have or had, secondly if both the parteners are agreed for sex they may do pre sexual activities “oral sex”before having sexual intercourse, mainly before sexual intercourse a woman needs to be more satisfied licking on her boobs or fingering her clit or inside her vagina kissing on her lips body and rubbing her until she get warms and will say now come on me this activity leads to near orgasm to a woman and finally she needs dick,but if she is not agreed she will abuse her partener insult him and oftenly says go to hell i hate you.

    1. Hi Faheem,

      Hi Faheem,
      you are completely right, we couldn’t agree more!

  2. yes,there is this lady all
    yes,there is this lady all she wanted was penetration,tried2intiate foreplay in vain aT last i gave up

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      sometimes, it just doesn’t work out. Too bad, but better than forcing something that isn’t working.

  3. Pliz help, what can we do? my
    Pliz help, what can we do? my wife 2kimit nayeye mara ya kwanza nikitoka job afta mani days without sex anakuaga in it kabisa bt during the second day huniambia hajifeel ama she is 2 tired & normaly am vry ready inaezeka anakuaga na sida. she is even worried whether she is normal or it a problem she has?

    1. Hi John,

      Hi John,
      this is quite normal, actually. Whether you are the partner with the high or low sex drive, it’s important to remind yourself that differences in sexual desire are very common. And while it can make you feel lonely and be very hurtful to feel rejected by your partner, or make him or her feel that way, it’s important to remember that this isn’t your fault. It’s not due to the way you look or that your partner isn’t in love with you or attracted to you anymore. But you do need to do something: Sex is more than just the physical act of sleeping with each other. It makes us feel loved, and wanted, and attractive. And if your partner doesn’t give you what you need, or asks for too much, things can get heated very quickly. Try to keep a cool head and don’t nag or pressure; that might just make things worse.
      It may sound exaggerated, but differences in libido can cause feelings of hatred, of loneliness, of despair. Sex can be an important aspect of a relationships, and many expectations are connected to it. And that’s why it’s important to talk to your partner about it, if things go wrong. What does sex mean to you, and what do you need? Listen to what your partner has to say, as well.
      We hope this helps!

  4. It sometimes happens when
    It sometimes happens when either u are too excited to have her for the 1st time u can enjuculate just after penetration & thus leaving her disatisfied.One can also be stressed & fails to erect even after applying any formular to stimulate urself

    1. Hi Jesanku,

      Hi Jesanku,
      these are really good points, as well. Thanks for your comment.
      As for leaving her dissatisfied- sex doesn’t need to stop after ejaculation. Even once the man is finished, he can use his fingers or mouth to get the woman to be satisfied.

  5. Yes. I have and I would do it
    Yes. I have and I would do it again.

    1. Hi Naledi,

      Hi Naledi,
      thanks for your input!

    1. Hi Ponny,

      Hi Ponny,
      thanks for sharing your experience!

  6. I think its wise 4 her to
    I think its wise 4 her to tell her man how she wants it to be done instead of jst movin on…things may take a different direction if she does so

    1. Hi Mike,

      Hi Mike,
      you mention a really important point here: communication is very important for good sex!

  7. what are the problems of
    what are the problems of mustabetion will it affect me from convincing my gf to have sex or will i be able to satisfie her

  8. wat does a man do wen his
    wat does a man do wen his woman wants more than he can give and bother are deeply in love…no one wants to part with the other

    1. Hi Brownie,

      Hi Brownie,
      what does she want that he can’t give her?

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