When you think of sex education, you are more likely to think of the awkward high school class or conversation you had with a counsellor, parent, or guardian. You tend to think as an adult you have everything figured out sexually. But have you? If talk shows, blog posts, leaked Whatsapp messages and other social media posts of horrific or comical sexual experiences are anything to go by, most adults haven’t figured sex out.
June is Adult Sex Education month. This is the month it’s OK to dig a bit deeper (pun intended) to understand more than what turns you on - and really, we think you should be doing this all year! It’s more than just the best positions for maximum orgasm. It’s time to understand exactly how your body and mind work together to build a very pleasurable and fulfilling sex life.
What Does Sex Education Entail?
Anatomy and Physiology
I know this sounds almost like a very boring biology lesson. But have you explored your genitalia? Not just stimulating them, but looking at them? This is the time to pick up that mirror and explore what your genitalia looks like. If you don’t know what a healthy vagina or penis looks like, how exactly would you know what an unhealthy one looks like? Look at the shape of your genitalia, colour, the smells, if or when there is discharge - what colour is it? This is also a good time to read up to know a bit more about the hormones and various internal aspects of your body. This information comes in pretty handy (we can’t help ourselves).
This is how you learn consent, boundaries and negotiation with your partner. Consent is completely essential; without verbal consent, sex fails in all aspects. Sex is meant to be mutually pleasurable. Without consent, that translates into an entire ball game of assault or even rape. It is essential to understand that just because one’s body language may seem willing, it doesn’t mean they are willing to be sexually intimate. You need to hear them verbally express consent with a ‘yes’ or another clear and indisputable affirmative phrase.
Boundaries are also important to explore. How far are you or your partner willing to go sexually in terms of technique or even just actually contact? For some people, kissing, or even oral sex, is how far they may be willing to go. What if you prefer BDSM; would you be willing to explore, or are you averse to this? These are things you need to discuss, as well as safe words in cases of BDSM.
Negotiation is essential. It is not coercion or manipulation. You shouldn’t make your partner feel evil, abnormal or greedy for simply requesting to try something different. Maybe you like oral sex and your partner detests performing it. You can find an alternative, like maybe using ice cubes for starters and other techniques with the same effect. It’s about reaching a middle-ground where both of you are comfortable. You need to talk about this beforehand to manage expectations and ensure both of you enjoy this process.
Now that you know how your mind and body work, you have discussed the boundaries and negotiated what you both like, it’s time to try it out. Techniques vary from person to person. But it also varies with age and health condition. What kind of techniques can you try if it’s your first time, or after you have had a baby? What about tantric sex? Or maybe it’s time you sought the ‘G’ and ‘A’ spot in your partner. It doesn’t matter if you have had sex for 50 years, there is always something to learn. You just need to be willing to learn it! Teach your partner and let your partner teach you. Fulfilling sex is about ensuring you are both enjoying and exploring. Being a know-it-all kills pleasure.
Remember, this Adult Sex Education month, take the time to understand these areas, because knowing = pure unadulterated pleasure.
Do you know everything about what turns you on? How about what turns your partner on?