Casual couple about to have sex.

Casual sex: myths and facts exposed!

We don’t discuss casual sex openly. What does it mean? Is it harmful to do it regularly? What are its pros and cons? Here are some tips from our guest blogger…

The author wishes to remain anonymous. Views expressed in this blog are not necessarily endorsed by Love Matters. 

It took me a really long time to admit that I loved having sex. Much like a lot of us, I grew up believing sex was ‘dirty’ and ‘shameful’. When I made my sexual debut, I felt guilty that I gave up something my future partner might have liked. But I couldn’t stop myself from having sex with multiple partners. It made me feel good. I was conflicted.

Soon I realised that there were many negative perceptions about it in society. Some true but others mostly exaggerated by people’s desire to police our genitals. 

  1. You’re ‘used’, ‘not good enough’ for future partners

    I beg to differ. I like to think I’m better, simply because I’m much more aware of my sexuality and other people’s. Vaginas are elastic, they don’t get stretched limitlessly or lose their shape. The idea of a woman’s virginity preserved by the hymen is also a huge myth, and not as common knowledge depicts it to be.

  2. You have no class or self-respect

    On the contrary, I have a lot of self-respect. That is why I don’t define my worth by the number of people I’ve had sex with. What does class mean to anyone? Except the individual involved? I am not having sex with people I don’t want to have sex with. People I have sex with have indeed passed the bar.

  3. You do not appreciate your or other’s body

    I was never made to feel unattractive for having a normal, non-polished body. My partners have never made comments about my body – whether I was hairy, had tons of stretch marks or scars.

    Similarly, I learned to appreciate the wide diversity in the bodies of other people as well. I’ve been with all sorts – skinny, lean, curvy, hairy etc. – and I’ve found bodies of all these types attractive. I find it thrilling to be able to explore the uniqueness of a new body type.

  4. You’ll get many STDs

    True, the chances of acquiring STDs may be increased because of a larger number of partners. But it is absolutely not a conclusive factor. As long as you’re having safe sex – proper use of condoms, getting tested regularly and being honest with your partners, you will most likely be safe.

    It is possible for a monogamous couple to get an STD as well. Their previous partners may have infected them without prior knowledge. For example, an infection like Chlamydia causes no symptoms in most people infected and thus goes ignored.

    Now here are some facts that have enriched my life because of casual sex:

  1. You know what you like sexually

    Casual sex has most definitely improved my knowledge about what I like in bed (or on the floor, or on the table). Just having a lot of sex helps. I am also much more open minded to new ideas, and more willing to accommodate the preferences of my partners.

  2. You have improved communication skills

    No one knows your body as well as you do, and no one can tell your partner about it as well as you can. The more casual sex I’ve had, the less squeamish I’ve become about discussing this, leading to a much more enjoyable experience. Since I don’t feel possessive about physical intimacy, I end up being much more open about talking things through.

    Casual sex is not for people who prefer exclusivity when it comes to physical intimacy. And that is absolutely okay. Of course you should do only what you feel comfortable with. Just make sure you don’t judge people who make different choices about their own bodies.


    What are your thoughts about casual sex? Write your comments below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (23)

  1. Nice, but it gets bad when
    Nice, but it gets bad when you accidentally fall on love with someone you don’t expect or don’t love you back

      1. Thank you for your…
        Thank you for your contribution Dama.

  2. If its safe its fine.Those
    If its safe its fine.Those are dead cant tell how they…..

    1. Hi Winnie, who’s dead and
      Hi Winnie, who’s dead and what can’t they tell?

  3. its good to have casual sex..
    its good to have casual sex…just make sure you dont fall in love with your fuckmate

    1. Hi Niini,

      Hi Niini,
      casual sex is sexual activity between people who are not established sexual partners or do not know each other well.

  4. Don’t forget to inform people
    Don’t forget to inform people about soul ties that result from sex..Having multiple sexual partners results to many soul ties which become dangerous for your future relationships.Its best to stick to one partner who you are sure you are in love with.Multiple sexual ties are really destructive.. I would like people to research about this and for their knowledge and also share with others..You will be convinced that casual sex may not be so okay

    1. Thank you for your input.
      Thank you for your input.

  5. Sex Is not a handshake.
    Sex Is not a handshake.

    1. We appreciate your…
      We appreciate your contribution Kerryner.

  6. This sounds too bad acording…
    This sounds too bad acording to me…becoz u meet at first u dont know each other’s status and go on to make love…this is so unfortunate

    1. Thank you Murunga for your…
      Thank you Murunga for your contribution and yes there are chances of getting infected with an STI but as mentioned one can choose to have safe sex which will protect them from this risk.

  7. I think it spoils your…
    I think it spoils your marriage life but you have not anywhere mentioned it in your shared experience

    1. Indeed if a person is…
      Indeed if a person is married and they go on to have casual sex it will affect their marriage. Thank you for your contribution.

    2. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution. If one is married, having casual sex will affect their marriage.

  8. Nataka dem please niko…
    Nataka dem please niko utawala

  9. Hello Anonymous, sorry to…

    Hello Anonymous, sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love and try to learn how to be happy with yourself.

    Happiness and confidence is attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up.

    Best of luck.

    <3 The Love Matters Team 

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