Are you old enough? Are you mature enough?

When are you old enough to have sex? This question can only be answered by asking other questions…

So what does the law say? According to Kenyan law, the age of sexual consent between heterosexual males and females is 16-years-old. Now you know what the government says. And likely, you already know what your parents, teachers and religion say on the matter. But what do you think?

And remember: age is not the same as maturity.

Age is literally how old you are. Maturity involves actually being biologically ready. But maturity also includes your awareness, rationale and motivation for having sex. Yes, sex is a beautiful thing. But are you really aware of what to expect? Do you understand the act itself? Are you also aware that it’s more than just a physical act, and includes many emotional and psychological elements?

Before you give up your ‘goods‘ to someone else, you should really try to honestly answer the following questions:

1) Do you feel ready for sex?

There is really no hurry to have sex. It’s actually best enjoyed when you feel comfortable with it. So take your time and don’t succumb to the pressure of others. Perhaps you can even discuss it with a counselor or someone mature you trust, respect and can be open with.

2) Why do you want to have sex?

Are your intentions really pure? Do you want to get back at someone? Prove to your friends that you are a stunner? Or are you doing it to fill a sense of loneliness? None of these are ever good reasons. If you feel sex will improve or add something special to your relationship that is already based on mutual love and respect, then you might really have some healthy reasons to have sex.

3) How does your partner feel?

Is it a mutual feeling? Or is there some form of pressure between the two of you to prove something? Does sex mean the same thing for you? Is it a one-night stand or do you want to have a long-term relationship? You should both know where each other stand. By the time you get to the position of being able to have sex with someone, you should be open enough to not only talk about how you feel, but also your concerns about contraception and getting tested for HIV and other STIs.

And remember: this is your choice!

No one should pressure you to have sex. And you should never pressure anyone to have sex. If someone has a problem with you not having sex, it’s their problem not yours!

How did you know if it’s the right time to have sex? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.