Are you old enough? Are you mature enough?

Are you old enough? Are you mature enough?

When are you old enough to have sex? This question can only be answered by asking other questions…

So what does the law say? According to Kenyan law, the age of sexual consent between heterosexual males and females is 16-years-old. Now you know what the government says. And likely, you already know what your parents, teachers and religion say on the matter. But what do you think?

And remember: age is not the same as maturity.

Age is literally how old you are. Maturity involves actually being biologically ready. But maturity also includes your awareness, rationale and motivation for having sex. Yes, sex is a beautiful thing. But are you really aware of what to expect? Do you understand the act itself? Are you also aware that it’s more than just a physical act, and includes many emotional and psychological elements?

Before you give up your ‘goods‘ to someone else, you should really try to honestly answer the following questions:

1) Do you feel ready for sex?

There is really no hurry to have sex. It’s actually best enjoyed when you feel comfortable with it. So take your time and don’t succumb to the pressure of others. Perhaps you can even discuss it with a counselor or someone mature you trust, respect and can be open with.

2) Why do you want to have sex?

Are your intentions really pure? Do you want to get back at someone? Prove to your friends that you are a stunner? Or are you doing it to fill a sense of loneliness? None of these are ever good reasons. If you feel sex will improve or add something special to your relationship that is already based on mutual love and respect, then you might really have some healthy reasons to have sex.

3) How does your partner feel?

Is it a mutual feeling? Or is there some form of pressure between the two of you to prove something? Does sex mean the same thing for you? Is it a one-night stand or do you want to have a long-term relationship? You should both know where each other stand. By the time you get to the position of being able to have sex with someone, you should be open enough to not only talk about how you feel, but also your concerns about contraception and getting tested for HIV and other STIs.

And remember: this is your choice!

No one should pressure you to have sex. And you should never pressure anyone to have sex. If someone has a problem with you not having sex, it’s their problem not yours!

How did you know if it’s the right time to have sex? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (41)


    1. Hi Victor,

      Hi Victor,
      thanks for sharing your opinion with us.

  2. Whch mechanism should people
    Whch mechanism should people use for them to get a boy child incase you need a boy child and not a girl child. which timing?

    1. Hi Bryo,

      Hi Bryo,
      unfortunately, that is up to genetics, and you can’t really influence if you have a boy or a girl child.

  3. My g.f is a virgin,how can i
    My g.f is a virgin,how can i talk to her about that?

    1. Hi Rash,

      Hi Rash,
      what would you like to discuss with your girlfriend? Having sex?
      Well, it depends what her reasons for being a virgin are. Does she want to wait until she is married? Is she scared? Does she feel she is too young? Or is there something else?
      Just have an honest conversation with her and listen to what she has to say! Good luck!

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      thanks for your input. Why do you think 19 is the right age?

  4. When my fiancy is on orgasm
    When my fiancy is on orgasm,she goes as if she’s fainted,what might b the problem?

    1. Hi Wicky,

      Hi Wicky,
      could you explain a little more what you mean by she goes as if she fainted? Can you describe it in some more detail?

  5. When couples meet, wat
    When couples meet, wat exactly is d mean minutes 4 them to discuss d purpose of being togather b4 they starting sex b’coz my girlfriend will be arrived in 30minutes?

    1. Hi Daniel,

      Hi Daniel,
      that’s not an easy question to answer. There is no one point where you should be starting the conversation. It depends on the situation, how long you have known each other for, what your general expectations are… You can just start slowly. In a relaxed moment, you can ask her where she thinks this relationship is heading. Tell her your opinions too. Once you have established that both of you want to be in a relationship with each other, than slowly the topic of sex can be addressed. Do it gently though and don’t try to push her. Good luck!

  6. I had wit a vrgn and the
    I had wit a vrgn and the following day she said that she didnt see ha period..does that means that she is preqnant?

    1. Hi Prince,

      Hi Prince,
      I do sincerely hope that you used protection when you had sex with her. It doesn’t sound like this, so please, from now on, use condoms whenever you have sex with someone.
      Also, to be entirely honest, before you start having sex, both of you should have at least some basic knowledge on pregnancy and also STDs.
      Now, as for your question: I don’t know if she is pregnant. Get her a pregnancy test as soon as possible. If she was supposed to be having her period around the time you had sex, then it’s unlikely she is pregnant. But the only way to find out is by taking a test about three weeks after you had unprotected sex.

  7. how can i tyme myself 2 get
    how can i tyme myself 2 get pregnant what are the tips how can i hold a man 4 how long after sex

    1. Hi Magz,

      Hi Magz,
      wow, that’s a lot of questions 🙂
      As for pregnancy, I would like to refer you to our pregnancy section. Have a look and see if your questions will get answered. If not, please let us know.
      As for after sex, do you mean generally over time, or right after you are finished? Right after, men often need some time to recover. But just tell him you want to cuddle. Snuggling up to him and just enjoy the moment together, even if he starts snoring after a minute or two :-). In the long run, the best way to keep a man is by being open and honest and communicating a lot, Talk about your relationship, what you can improve, what works well, what doesn’t work so well… Check out some more tips here:

  8. is it ok to for sex frm ur
    is it ok to for sex frm ur man?

    1. Hi Chox,

      Hi Chox,
      just checking, are you asking if it’s okay to ask for sex from your man? Sure it is, as long as he is game as well. In fact, many men will find it sexy to hear a woman asking them for sex. It shows them you know what you want.

  9. U said that we should nt
    U said that we should nt pressure for sex bt at thiz instance were both ov u have agreed to hv sex nd u’ve done the romance nd wat remains is to sex knw bt when u just start it up she says noo! Hw abt that?

    1. Hi Eddy,

      Hi Eddy,
      unfortunately, you will have to live with that. At the moment she says ‘no’, she is not giving you consent. If you continue against her will, it would be rape. So, while at that very moment it might feel strange and wrong what she is doing. You will have to accept it. But, once things have cooled off again, I suggest you talk to her about this. Ask her is she really wants to have sex and listen what she has to say! Good luck!

  10. itz true that we can say that
    itz true that we can say that sex itz for marred couples alone bt now dayz sex it have become common thing used by everybody even the one in under age

    1. Hi Alfred,

      Hi Alfred,
      essentially, if you want to have sex before marriage or not is between your partner and you. As long as everybody consents, there is nothing wrong with it, legally. If it’s right morally is for you, and only you, to decide.

  11. Is it painful to a girl
    Is it painful to a girl having sex for the first time?

    1. Hi Johnson,

      Hi Johnson,
      it can be, but it doesn’t have to be.
      Pain is usually caused by the woman not being aroused and wet enough. So step 1 is to make sure she is wet. You can even use some extra lube and make it less likely to be painful. Step 2: make sure she is relaxed. If she is tense, her muscles will tense and it will be painful. Step 3: stop believing that virginity needs to be broken by force. The more gentle and slow a man is, the less likely a woman is to experience pain. Does this help?

  12. I think sex is very good for
    I think sex is very good for any mature human provided that persons desire to.

    1. Hi Kurbalo,

      Hi Kurbalo,
      what you say is absolutely true. People need to be ready and give consent. Only then is sex advisable.

  13. I need to know the problem of
    I need to know the problem of someone who delay to have sex upto 26 years what will be happen?

    1. Hi Andy,

      Hi Andy,
      nothing will happen, it’s totally okay. Sex is great but it’s not a necessity.

  14. what will one do to stop
    what will one do to stop feeling tired when having sex,i mean some men do not continueing having sex for long

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      change positions! If you tire easily, switch between one where you are doing work and one where your partner is doing all the movement. That way, you both do some work, and you can take some time to relax.

  15. how long should the penis be
    how long should the penis be for one to break virginity

    1. Hi Iam,

      Hi Iam,
      first of all, virginity doesn’t need to be ‘broken’. No force is necessary. In fact, the more gentle the man is, the less uncomfortable it will be for the woman.
      There is no min. length for the penis to achieve this. The hymen is located at the entrance of the vagina.
      Lastly, being a virgin means that a person hasn’t had intercourse before- that doesn’t mean there still needs to be a hymen, or that the penis needs to penetrate to a certain depth.
      We suggest you check out some of our resources:

  16. Hello is it true that to make
    Hello is it true that to make my relationship stronger i deny my partner sex till marriage

    1. Hi Sofia, denying your
      Hi Sofia, denying your partner sex does not make it necessarily strong but rather being true to your principals does. Relationships are made strong by commitment to each other and open and honest communication and above all true love.

      1. Thanks for the information
        Thanks for the information

  17. One Of Our Village Doctor Was
    One Of Our Village Doctor Was Once Telling Us Dat Musterbation Makes Men Unlikely Having Sex.
    Is It True.

  18. is it OK to tell my gal
    is it OK to tell my gal friend am not interested in sex, cos I always fear to av sex in my life

    1. There is nothing wrong with
      There is nothing wrong with saying no to sex if you are not ready for it. Always know you have the right to choose whether you will have sex or not.

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