Two people embracing each other, him kissing her neck
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Is it love?

Love is a powerful, positive emotion. Like all emotions, you may experience it differently depending on your age, the relationship you're in, and the kind of person you are.

Loving someone isn’t the same as being in love with them.

Being in love is the intense feeling at the start of a relationship, when you only see the positive things about the other person and walk around with your head in the clouds. This feeling can be so intense it actually hurts – especially if the person doesn’t feel the same way about you.

The feeling of being in love develops over time, and becomes a deeper, steadier, tender feeling for the other person – you love them.

Love develops in stages, and doesn't always follow the same pattern. But in most cases love begins with the passion of sexual attraction, then the dreamy, overwhelming 'in love' stage, and finally the deeper attachment that develops over time and can last for years – sometimes for a lifetime.

Read also: 5 signs of healthy love

Are you in love?

When you’re in love, you think about the person you’re in love with all day. You think everything they do is wonderful. Being in love can make you feel on top of the world, but it can also make you nervous and edgy.

You get a strange, restless feeling when you see the person. You might even get stomach ache. You can’t help smiling. You don’t know what to say when you see them – or you talk too much because you’re trying to impress them.

If all this sounds familiar, you’re probably in love!

Scientists have tried to find out what makes us feel this way, and what happens to our brains when we're in love. They found that really does go to our heads: our bodies produce more of certain hormones like oxytocin, commonly known as the 'love hormone'.

Read also: 9 useful tips to talk to someone you like

Making love

Having sex is also called 'making love' because it's such an important part of a romantic or intimate relationship. But love and sex aren't the same thing – you can have one without the other. Many people only have sex with someone they love, but you can also have sex out of lust – just for the pleasure of having sex. Still, most people find deeper pleasure in having sex with the person they love.

Read more about making love.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
I love my guy,but I always find txts from ladies on his phone and even calls.when I try to ask,he almost kill mih ,telling me to stop following him on such matters.pliz tell me whether am wrong to do tat,or wat I should do
Hi Flo, Sorry that you going through this. NO one deserves to be in an abusive relationship. If you're married to your abusive partner and/or live in the same house as them, then you'll have to plan your exit strategy. Here is a possible guide to help you: 1. Plan, plan, plan. Making the final move is very difficult, and this is one of the reasons many people never do it. It very much depends on your individual situation. Plan which day is the best to leave – it could be when your partner is away on a business trip or is going to be out all evening with friends. Find a good time to make the exit. It might even be a good idea to practice or rehearse leaving before you actually do it. If you have children, explain them what you’re planning and gain their confidence. This in itself is a long-term conversation you ought to have been having with your children. If you're planning to take them along, think about where you're going to stay. It's easy to to accommodate one guest, but more than one can be difficult for anyone. Think about school schedules and how your kids will get back to normal life. If you're not taking your kids along because you think it’s better for them and for you, you need to spend some time explaining this to them. You also need to plan how they will be taken care of. As you can see, it’s very hard to do this all on your own. That’s exactly why many people stay in abusive relationships. 2. Call in someone you trust to help. You need someone to back you up in case something fails. Tell them your plan. This could be your neighbour, a trusted colleague, or an old friend or relative you’re still in touch with. 3. Find a safe hiding place. Don’t leave any clues for your partner to find. If you're working, you need to consider whether the place you work is a safe. Will your partner go there in search of you? You may need to take some time off or leave your job for the sake of your safety. 4. Save some money. Look at the savings you have. How many days, weeks or months can you survive with it? If you don’t have any access to money, it’s time to ask for help. Perhaps you could borrow from a friend who understands your situation and won’t add pressure to your already tense life. 5. Take your time to recover. Break the habit of being abused. Get back into a normal life and be around people who don’t have an abusive past. You can reach out to counselling centres and helplines to seek help too.
c zurk
Sun, 01/15/2017 - 08:02 am
I got married to six years ago, she loved me and also love her so much. One day she was told by friend that i was cheating on her,, she took time to proof it unaware so one day she asked me but i denied and to make the matter worse she claimed to been infected with a certain std or uti. She left, it's so painful that i regret. I've tried so much to ask her to come back but she always tells me to give her time, it's eight months now am worried to lose her what do i do?
Long-distance relationships mean that the two of you aren’t living together because you have to be in different places. This means you can’t see each other so often. If you live in Nairobi and your partner lives in Kisumu, for example, you're in a long-distance relationship. Relationships can go long distance for many reasons. It could be because your partner has found a new job in a different city or country or because you've started studying at a university far from home. Today, long-distance relationships are becoming more common because of modern forms of communication. Emails, chats, video chats and social media make it much easier for people to stay in touch. You can even have cybersex with your partner to keep the spark alive while you're apart. Before you go long-distance, it might be a good idea to think about how your relationship will change. For one thing, there’ll be long stretches with no kissing or holding hands or sex. You won't get to see and talk to each other in person for long periods of time. Learn more here https://lovematters.co.ke/news/long-distance-relationships-dos-and-donts .
Millie Montez
Sun, 01/15/2017 - 02:05 pm
hi love matters...My boyfriend and i had a baby seven months ago.Ever since the baby was born he has never been supportive and has never been there for us he neither calls nor texts but not until recently he started texting saying he is sory for the way he has been treating us...He says that all that happened because he did not have a stable job and now he is stable and wants to come back...Should such a person be trusted again????
HI Montez, That's a difficult question to answer but a very necessary one to ask. You need to take time and think about it. Do you think you can be able to trust him again? Do you think you can be able to resolve the past issues? If you are able to answer this questions and more it will give you a clear sight of what to do.
I believe I have fallen out off love with my hubby,back then I used to get hurt whenever he wronged me but now I feel nothing,even if he fails to call me I don't care anymore plz help me what to do coz we already have two kids
HI Angie, It sounds as though you are sure of your feelings and now you only need to decide what to do about it. Take time to think about what you want. Its not easy but is necessary if you need to make a change in your life.
Hi.....am in love with with my boyfriend and he claims he loves me to...but sometimes he tends to be distant and ....to make it worse am like his sister's shadow because every time the sister is around you might think they are the one dating but not me
Well i luv diz guy xoo much,bt am nt sure of hiz luv... we had a little mizundastnding nd he said he z nt de best guy 4 mi xo i quit 4rm him,nt up 2 a week he came pleading dat he didn't mean it xo i accepted him bk.....i dnt knw if i did de right pleaze please i need more advice on hw 2 go abt relationship tanx!
bashir
Sun, 01/15/2017 - 06:34 pm
Hi thea,i have a little problem,currently i just concluded my secondary education but there is a girl currently in second year but i have been eying her,is it possible to start a relationship
princess
Sun, 01/15/2017 - 08:43 pm
i have bf whom put me into skul of nurse ,pay my bull and he luv me and i luv he too but his jealous all de time i sleep in my hux he will said dat i went to do bad tin .and he what me to been staying wit he. pls is dat luv?
we've been in love with this guy one year now. he unfortunately travelled abroad early last year but communication never stopped. when he came back Dec holiday, we had sex for the 1st time and I got pregnant for him. he went back abroad, we still communicate. though he's advising me to keep the bby and even providing support, am still in doubt of his love coz how we used to communicate has changed and whenever I go to his fb timeline I find pics of different girls being called baibe, swthrt etc. furthermore I don't know even a single of his relatives. what can I do?
Hi Lopez, You need to start by deciding what you want for yourself without him telling you what he wants. When you know what you want its easy to make decisions. Talk to him about how you feel and the changes you have observed. Hopefully you will be able to work through your issues with him.
Lillian
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 11:32 am
Hi thea, av bin in lov with thz guy 4 almost 2yrs nao,,,we used to luv each atha,bt he never askd 4 s*x till i completed my highschool,,,4rm thea after,we could date until that taim wen I joined campus, since I had to shift away 4rm hme,he was not for he jus wanted mie to be nia him ol the taim burl I had to go,,, after i left he went muting for almost two manths en i was laiq main he has found a new catch and dcdd to do away with me,,,, so I dcdd to throw mah self on my bukz,,a week leita he called me back trying to say tharl he has bin busy,he claimed tat he wanted mie 6rxly buh I told him I can't meq coz am in school,,once again he went muting,,,,I dhn askd myself wat does he really want from mie ka nakataa kuenda home ananinyamazia,,,i used to contact him burl he was nowea to be found,some weeks later as I was going thru my fb i saw his post of a girl and he had commented"man wife" and more worse he had tugged me,i immediately untagged he then called me and started tellin me how he had missd mie wen i askd abt that post he started long narratives of which i had no taim to listen to. ,Wen the holidays came,, he was always at my home trying to convince my parents that he lovs mie while i don love him back,,,,, i love buh I no longer feel for him,,,, i av come back to my senses tat tha only thing he wants from mie is sex and to ruin my life,,,I feel laiq I shld quit him he no longer deserves me,,,,advo plz
Barbra
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 12:26 pm
Hi love matters. l have been datrting my boyfriend for 9yrz and we even have a kid but he is too jealousy ; he doesn't allow mi to interact wiz male friendz & he even controls mi facebook account cz he hz da password. pliz wat should l do so dat he understands dat l cannot cheat on him?
Jealousy can be plain envy – a feeling deep down inside of you that you badly want something that someone else has. It can also be the fear of losing somebody you care about – an angry, possessive feeling. A feeling of rejection. Like a child feels jealous if their parent gets a new partner. In love, jealousy is the fear of losing your partner. Or the anger you feel about your ex having a new partner. Read more here to know how to deal with it https://lovematters.co.ke/news/jealousy-turning-destruction-construction .
av been dating for 7 yrs now wt my guy and I love him so much the problem is that he always thinks am cheating on him since am educated and he is not..hr always tells me he cant trust me...he always gets angry and fights over nothing and small issues what will I do to change him and his actions plz hrlp
Hi, This maybe difficult to hear but the truth is you cannot change him unless he wants to change himself. You need to take time and think if this is the kind of relationship you want. It sounds like its an abusive relationship, read more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/abusive-relationships .
hi jane; u can still change him wit ur actions mabi dere are things he has been seeing dat make him feel like u ar cheating on him mean while u are nt,just sit him down and talk to him give him reason that you ar not cheating on him and that you love him so much,always talk to him with time he will change okey change is constant
lornah sasha
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 04:48 pm
i have been dating my bf for 10 months now but this days he is like going thru my texts to see who am talking with he even goes to my facebook account to see who am talking with if he is a man he thinks am playing him wich is not true he jxt a friend wat shld i do???? kindly i need advice
Pauline
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 05:42 pm
I started dating when i was in jss3, i love this guy so mush that we even promise to spend our life together, so we date for 4years without sex, it got to a time where by he started having another girl so i ask him refuse it. Now i quit the relationship for one year now. he is beging to come back. Advice.
Getting back with your ex depends on a few things like, do you both still want the same thing? Do you feel you can be able to resolve the issues that le to the break up in the first place? After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex and how the relationship ended. But be picky, too. If you know that the differences between you while dating were too big, the same might happen in the new relationship. It's not worth getting hurt twice! Its always important to take care and your feelings first before you make a step towards mending the relationship. Having a sober mind while making such a decision is very important. Here is an article about being friends with an ex https://lovematters.co.ke/news/friends-ex-dos-and-donts .
vheyckey_Vibtor
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 08:24 pm
I love this lady by the name Stacy Twizer so much..........Though we come 4rm different tribes,,i feel dat she iz de bext
Anonymous
Mon, 01/16/2017 - 09:37 pm
Every time I go the first turn in sex ... my penis does not erect again. What can be the problem and what can I do??
Hi, It is normally called the refractory period. In human sexuality, the refractory period is usually the recovery phase after orgasm during which it is physiologically impossible for a man to have additional orgasms due to increase in the penile sensory threshold. Find out more here http://greatist.com/play/male-refractory-period .
i hrd a boyfrnd for 3yrz en one day iwent to abirthday of mi frnd bt i ddnt tel da guy bt someone tld hm dat i lov da frnd we a in love,en he told me to separate wiz hm wat shd i do cz i love hm
HI Nats, Sorry to hear about the break up. This maybe difficult to accept but Unless you feel there is something you can do to stop the break up the only other option you have is to move on with your life https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/after-the-break-up .
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