Two people embracing each other, him kissing her neck
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Is it love?

Love is a powerful, positive emotion. Like all emotions, you may experience it differently depending on your age, the relationship you're in, and the kind of person you are.

Loving someone isn’t the same as being in love with them.

Being in love is the intense feeling at the start of a relationship, when you only see the positive things about the other person and walk around with your head in the clouds. This feeling can be so intense it actually hurts – especially if the person doesn’t feel the same way about you.

The feeling of being in love develops over time, and becomes a deeper, steadier, tender feeling for the other person – you love them.

Love develops in stages, and doesn't always follow the same pattern. But in most cases love begins with the passion of sexual attraction, then the dreamy, overwhelming 'in love' stage, and finally the deeper attachment that develops over time and can last for years – sometimes for a lifetime.

Read also: 5 signs of healthy love

Are you in love?

When you’re in love, you think about the person you’re in love with all day. You think everything they do is wonderful. Being in love can make you feel on top of the world, but it can also make you nervous and edgy.

You get a strange, restless feeling when you see the person. You might even get stomach ache. You can’t help smiling. You don’t know what to say when you see them – or you talk too much because you’re trying to impress them.

If all this sounds familiar, you’re probably in love!

Scientists have tried to find out what makes us feel this way, and what happens to our brains when we're in love. They found that really does go to our heads: our bodies produce more of certain hormones like oxytocin, commonly known as the 'love hormone'.

Read also: 9 useful tips to talk to someone you like

Making love

Having sex is also called 'making love' because it's such an important part of a romantic or intimate relationship. But love and sex aren't the same thing – you can have one without the other. Many people only have sex with someone they love, but you can also have sex out of lust – just for the pleasure of having sex. Still, most people find deeper pleasure in having sex with the person they love.

Read more about making love.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Hi Antony, Love is not defined by sex. You can be in a loving relationship even if you do not have sex. Check out this article to find out more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/love-and-relationships .
Loving someone isn’t the same as being in love with them. Being in love is the intense feeling at the start of a relationship, when you only see the positive things about the other person and walk around with your head in the clouds. This feeling can be so intense it actually hurts – especially if the person doesn’t feel the same way about you. The feeling of being in love develops over time, and becomes a deeper, steadier, tender feeling for the other person - you love them. Love develops in stages, and doesn't always follow the same pattern. But in most cases love begins with the passion of sexual attraction, then the dreamy, overwhelming 'in love' stage, and finally the deeper attachment that develops over time and can last for years - sometimes for a lifetime.
kaba a
Thu, 12/22/2016 - 05:58 pm
I hve been in love for 5 yrs ..bt my fiancé have been wit another man wen I ask she tell he is his x n love yke kwake n 50/50..question is doehs she love or his x
Am in love wit ma gf for 5 yrs bt ma gf told me there is another man who is his x n he wants her again and my gf still loves him bt she claim she love me more then him..ma quiz is does she love me or do I leave her..bt I love her soo much
I'm dating a lady who has one more year to complete college. All along, she has been so nice to me until recently when she started changing. She has become hard to deal with. She comes home late (at times we stay together) and gets annoyed when I ask. I had promised her marriage. Could it mean that her abrupt change is an alarm that I may be left soon? Is she not mine any more now that she's about to complete college? Is she eyeing somebody out there?
Hi Ano, All those are valid questions and you are right to ask them. Take time to talk to her and try to find out as much as you can. Here is an article that can help https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/relationship-problems .
Am in love with a certain lady Ave been with her for almost an year but things have changed. She graduated a week ago and she doesn't even want to see me or even look at me, she saying thing like I can't handle her, we've been cool but since her graduation she's been just cold.. Wats the reason for that?
Hi Bing, Sorry that your relationship is not working out. Its difficult to say why she changed but one this she's made clear is that she's not interested in the relationship. You should start thinking about how you can move on from this. Here's an article that can help https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/after-the-break-up .
I and my bf are in a serious relationship...we both are inlove with each oda deeply....he is a christian and i am a muslim..he loves me so much and wishes to marry me...i normally dnt give a reply weneva he talks abt marriage or kids cos i wish to marry a muslim like myself...i dnt like a 2-religioned marriage....anoda problem is dat i do wish to see him often bt i wouldn't be allowed at home...i hope his love for me won't fade away cos my actions are as if i dnt care abt him bt i truly care nd love him so much wit all of my hrt...
Hi TIwa, You need to make time and think about what you want. If you feel that the relationship is not viable you need to break up with him to avoid dragging it for long as difficult as it may be. If you feel that religion will not stop you hen you need to think about how you will go about it together with him. All the best to both of you.
Anonymous
Sun, 12/25/2016 - 05:12 pm
we've bin in lav wit ha 4two yrs nw bt wen she join campus i went to an intitute i kept on txtin n calin we had fun n hapi bt recently i kept on txtin no reply i posted samtin on fb "fa silence ov aloved one hurts" dat pist ha off i said even on fb u dnt reply wen i txt she stil dnt get i decided to come down to earth n apologised nt to coz any mo wrangles btn us bt luked nt acceptin t coz wen i kol bac shez xo brief no reply txt n nt even ahi wen askef weather she stil loves mi no reply.Nw dnt wat to do?
Hi This might be difficult to hear but it looks like she's no longer interested in the relationship. Take time and think about the turn of events and what is happening currently then decide what you would like to do about it.
Am in love wiz a lady now two years. Bt every time when I talk of visiting her relatives she says not now. Yet she says she want marriage with me. She ever busy with her work having no time for me to meet and talk face to face we mostly talk through phone. I do almost whatever she want but it seems am fed up with her cause am ready to marrialy her. Should i give her more time or quit het? Brcause am in mi due time.
jackie
Mon, 12/26/2016 - 08:32 am
am have been dating dis man for 2yrs. we've always had issues but reconciles but recently he started showing me signs of negligence and d worst is DAT he doesn't call even wen I call he doesn't pick. Before dis, i'v been telling him to come to my house so DAT my parents will know who am dating not for him to pay anytin. I told him DAT cu's I hate hidden relationships cu's it has cost me a lot in d past.... but he sends me messages..i'v tried to make him open up to me if he still wants d relationship so that I can move on if he dont yet he didn't reply. pls I want to know d fate of my relationship cu's i'v sacrificed a lot for it. I don't really want it to crumble cu's I love him. tanks.
folashade horlarewaju
Mon, 12/26/2016 - 04:59 pm
am in luv wit a guy 4 over 3years and we luv each other to d xtend dat my mum said he not a type of man i can marry but i refuse bt nw i have feeling dat he nt d guy i no be4 becuse he has change he alway ignore my cal and sometime someone dat alwas pick is cal and d sound is a girl voice so i want u to help me is he datin someone or he just want to text my feelin becuse i dont understand
nicky zipamoh
Tue, 12/27/2016 - 08:46 am
i have being dating a man for3year naw he has 4kinds and i live with him d prplem i have with him he loves his children more than d marriage if d children do rung if i tell him he will stert suporting them my familly has tulk to him but still he dosnot listen am serously feedup
Daniex
Tue, 12/27/2016 - 09:48 am
About a couple of months ago,my old time junior school friend messaged me after a long while,like 3-4 years ago we talked. she tried to convince me that we can start dating again,because we liked each other back in school. I tried to make her understand that I have moved on and I really don't know her deeply to say I want to date her. she literally choked me with questions until I gave up and tried to convince my self that it could probably work. After a month,my phone got spoilt and was unable to communicate with her,it seems all the week 1 loving and falling just disappeared and I think I really don't love her and I was forced to date her,I don't have those vibes to talk to her or text her again. she called my sisters phone once and we talked where I explained to her that my phone is faulty. I don't think I loved this girl,I think I just took pity on her and tried to take advantage of the situation that she is kinda cute and single. I don't want to break her heart because am a good guy and I don't want to continue a fake relationship. help me!
Hi Dan, It sounds as though you need to make a hard choice. If you do not want t be in a fake relationship you need to end it. Pain and hurt is part of it and it cannot be avoided. Here is an article that can give you more insight https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/breaking-up .
A lady says she has fallen in love with me, these was my classmate back then in school but now she is telling me she has fallen in love with me and I have my own girl friend who I live so imuch and don't want to ever cheat on her, same time these other girl keep calling everyday, iIcan't tell her iIdon't want her cause don't wants to break her heart, don't want her to feel bad,please what should do
Hi Eze, This maybe difficult to hear but you cannot do both things. you cannot expect her to stop pestering you if you don't tell her the truth. Being a good person means doing the right things even if they are not pleasant. Take time and think about your choices and then make a move.
Hamdish
Thu, 12/29/2016 - 11:30 am
Hi, I'm in complex relationships. 6yrs a go I fell in love with a man nd he felt the same about mi, after 3yrs relationship, my parents found out and rejected me to b with that man, my dad told him the truth nd mi too then we broke. He love mi and mi too but we cldn't do anything. After then he married cz he couldn't do anything he was a graduate and I was class 8 . after a year I started anew relationship and we aparted, he s in Somalia nd I'm in Kenya. Then my love fr him faded away yet he loves mi and tells mi to keep the promise. The worst of all is that my first bf who's now married is telling me to back up and start a new relationship yet he's married nd telling me tht he Love's me cz marriage doesn't matter cz we r Muslims. A gain I fell in love with another, he tells me that he do love mi yet I doubt cz he doesn't give mi time fr most of the times. Plz help I'm abt to go mad
Hi Hamdish, Its very easy to still fall back in love with your ex. But its important to always think about your current situation and how that relationship can complicate your life. If you are currently married and you are contented with your relationship its better for you to stay in what works rather than try to live in the past. Take time to think about it and make your informed choice.
Hi Hamdish, Its very easy to still fall back in love with your ex. But its important to always think about your current situation and how that relationship can complicate your life. If you are currently married and you are contented with your relationship its better for you to stay in what works rather than try to live in the past. Take time to think about it and make an informed choice.
Blessing
Thu, 12/29/2016 - 04:28 pm
I don't know if am in love with this particular guy but I think so. We met when I was in Part 2 and he in part 3 by coincide and then we would chat with each other for long periods of time and then we loosed contact. By sheer luck again after like 6 months we got in contact through Facebook and ever since then I can virtually say my WhatsApp chat is most with him. We have gotten so so close but because we have both been very very busy we aren't able to meet up but a few times. There is nothing we can't discuss with each other and in addition to that he respects me (not ma/sir kind of respect) cos our chats doesn't feature dirty, naughty or even sex talks and of cos I love that about him, I can sense it from our chats that he also likes me am not sure. I don't know what to do
Hi, am Mimi I ve kn this guy for sometime now we started as good friends and now something more than that is going on. Am in luv wit him but the thing is that I don't know if he luv me the way I do. He ask me to come visit him but am confused about it. Please should I visit him?
xeanert
Fri, 12/30/2016 - 12:37 pm
i have a boyfrnd who is very strick he dont want me to answer anybodys cal not even ma frnds nd he dont to cal me nd hear me waiting he just fight nd somtimes very angry
Victoria
Fri, 12/30/2016 - 05:12 pm
Am in luv wit this guy but deep inside me am not sure if he do cus he always claim not to have money to call I have being the pillar of the relationship I always call make time for us to see pay 4 d drink nd hotels whenever we see I don't if he luv me or just want to play around he hadly spend on me.
Sincerely speaking,he doesn't love u,coz wen a guy loves u he makes sure he does everything possible to make u happy and feel important which ofcourse includes spending for u....besides its a guy thing to do all dese things uv mentioned and not d ladies,u could go to that length wen u r sure dat he truly loves u and he really means it with u....buh once u r d one trying to make things work mst esp.by doing all dat uv mentioned its crystal clear dat he is just using u and he is wasting ur time.
Hi Victoria, If you feel that the relationship is one sided then it probably is. You should talk to him about it and inform him how you feel about it. The best way is to always express yourself truthfully and honestly. If he is genuine about his intentions with you and the relationship he will put some effort for both of you if not then it means he’s not invested in the relationship and you will need to think about the way forward.
I love my bf. He claims he loves me too ..but we usually have issues/fight...mainly about having time and attention for me....secondly what do u think about dating a married man..is that in anyway a good idea..provided u both are in love..pls reply
Hi Toba, Its normal to have fights in a relationship but what important is talking about it and resolving the issues. Read more here https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/fights-relationships . About dating a married man, it’s up to you to put yourself in that other woman’s shoe, if you were married would you want your husband to have a girlfriend on the side?
Of cause I won't be happy...but I belive the man ought to knw what exactly he wants...the girlfriend outside got no fault if the man keeps coming....is the girl in d position to end the relationship even wen she loves the man ?...love can so be insane sometimes..love can direct u to anybody at anytime..
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