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Love without sex

By Valentine Njoroge June 2, 05:52 pm
My girlfriend says she loves me but won't have sex with me. I really want to sleep with her and I don't want to leave her. What should I do?

What do you want?

Your question seems a little backwards to me. Your girlfriend has made her feelings and her decision clear: she loves you but will not have sex with you. The question is: Are you okay with staying in a sexless relationship?

People create all manner of relationships and partnerships depending on their needs. If you ask around you will find some married couples who have not had sex for years. They may still love each other but they are focused on other things such as raising a family and they find that sex is not a priority. Other unions are based purely on sex and close examination might reveal very little affection but a lot of lust.

What are her reasons?

A clear and blanket 'no' to sex is usually fuelled by fear or religious fervour. So which is it with your girlfriend? Is she a devout Christian, Muslim or Hindu who is waiting for marriage to express herself sexually? Is she afraid of the consequences of sex, such as pregnancy or infections?

Perhaps she is focused on school or building a career and she is clear that a child, or a too serious relationship would derail all that?


Talk to each other

Until you and your girlfriend speak candidly about these issues, you will not know why she came to the decision not to have sex with you. You will also not know how long she intends to live this way. Does she want you to wait for marriage? Is she okay with you having sex with other people until she is ready? Also, what is sex to her? Can you have oral sex and masturbate together while you wait until she is ready? Once you have this information, you can determine if this is the type of relationship you want or if you want to find another person whose values are more in tune with your own.

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Did you learn something new?

Mon, 06/02/2014 - 06:37 pm
I don't see that as a problem; my guy n i is passing through the same thing ,we both agree not to have sex till we got marriage and we are happy for each other for the past two years...remember sex is not a payment of love/marriage.
Hi Evelyn, that's great to hear, so happy for you! But then, remember that both you and your partner agreed on this- the person who is asking the questions seems to want sex, while his partner doesn't. That is bound to get difficult...
Hi John, that's okay! If you were in a situation like this, what would you do?
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