• Love & Relationships

Is it love or lust?

By Chris Hart on

If a guy fucks you every day, does it show love or lust?

There’s one question about sex that worries just about every couple sooner or later. It’s ‘how often?’

There are no right or wrong answers to this question. Because every couple’s different.

For example, there are couples in which both partners have a low physical desire and happily go for months without making love. And that’s just fine, providing they’re both okay with it.

But there are also couples who regularly make love every single day.

Almost all couples make love often when they first start being intimate. But gradually, their lives get too busy, and they end up making love around once or twice a week. That’s normal and okay.

On the other hand, a few couples have written about deliberately making love every single day for a whole year. They all said they ended up completely exhausted!

So making love every single day certainly shows plenty of desire. But is that love?
It certainly could be if your relationship’s brand new.

Or if you both want it every day, you’re both enjoying your lovemaking, and are focussed on giving each other pleasure.

Men particularly have a tendency to show their affection for their partners through sex. It’s okay if he’s doing more of the initiating. So long as his attention is welcome, and he’s considerate whenever you think the time’s not right.

But there should be a question mark if your lovemaking’s somehow become one-sided. Then it’s not love. If the only times he ever sees you is late at night. When he’s drunk. And always at your place. For sex only.

That’s not love. That’s lust.

It’s also lust if he’s not ensuring that you are enjoying sex just as much as him. Like there’s little romance or emotional intimacy in the relationship. You spend little time together. And every little touch somehow always leads to sex. There’s little foreplay, or cuddling afterwards. And you’re always left dissatisfied…

Is that you? If it is, start talking about your love life together. Describe what you want – including how often. Show him where and how to touch you. Talk about setting aside time to be emotionally close. Arrange to go to bed together at the same time every night. And spend the last half hour or so before bedtime just chatting and having a last snack together. And before you know it, your sex life will start being truly loving.


How often do you need to have sex to feel good? Leave a comment below or on Facebook. Visit our forum if you have any questions.