A man holding a big broken heart and an angry woman / difficult love and relationship concept / one sided love concept
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Relationship trouble: good guy, wrong girl

Fiona is in a peculiar situation. She’s torn between preventing a potentially awkward situation and taking a chance on something life-changing. Who will she choose?

‘Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.’ I can’t remember where I read that, but I know that time and again, I’ve seen it to be true. My friends are almost carbon copies of myself. We like the same movies, party at the same clubs, moon over the same guys… It’s as scary as it is entertaining. That’s not always true, however.

My friend Simone broke up with her boyfriend about seven months ago. I knew him pretty well; Simone would bring him to everything and anything. She was obsessive like that. I thought he was a good guy- a little on the quiet side, but my inquisitiveness ended there. He was Simone’s man, and I’d be damned if I was going to become one of those women who steal their friend’s man.

Piqued interest

About a month before they ended their relationship, he called me and asked me to meet him. As it turns out, he felt like Simone wasn’t happy in the relationship and he wanted advice on what to do. I was impressed; normally guys are oblivious to things like that. Thing is, he didn’t know Simone as well as I did. She has a short attention span, and she didn’t think being with him was fun anymore. I couldn’t tell him that though. He clearly liked her a lot, and I wasn’t going to be the one to crush that.

So they broke up, and Simone moved on to the next fresh thing while he picked himself up. I was in contact with him after the fact, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He really tried to make it work with Simone, and it was too bad she was the wrong person.

I don’t when, but something strange started to happen. I started falling for him.

He was honest, liked to stay at home instead of partying, and he took relationships seriously. The complete opposite of guys my friends and I seemed to date. It really intrigued me.

The dilemma

Sometimes, the one you love and the one who loves you isn’t the same person. This is where my problem started. First, this was my friend’s ex-boyfriend. Being with him would surely cause problems between Simone and me. I couldn’t have sex with him, date him, or even admit that I was hanging out with him without Simone declaring war on me. Secondly, my friends and I are so similar, barring a few details. If it didn’t work out with Simone, why would it work out with me?

The feeling wasn’t one-sided though. This guy was interested in me as well. I was tired of relationships that weren’t going anywhere.

What if this was supposed to be the guy with whom I took that next step up with? Was my friendship with Simone really worth giving up the rest of my life?

Would she even care, considering she never really invested in her relationships? I hated the fact that I was in that situation, and that it was my fault. Thankfully, he made the decision easier for me. He didn’t want to have awkward run-ins with Simone or jeopardize my friendship with her. Always the gentleman, he decided it was best to part ways. Still, I wonder if I had encouraged him where I would be today.

 

Should ex-boy/girlfriends be off limits permanently? Would you date your friend’s ex? Write to us on our Facebook pages for Naija and Kenya

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Recent Comments (35)

  1. I think once you have moved
    I think once you have moved out their is no need to go back.

    1. Thanks for your input Wekesa.
      Thanks for your input Wekesa.

  2. If I happen to fully
    If I happen to fully understand the true cause of their separation then I can date her owing to the fact am keen to avert the thing that eated their previous relationship

    1. Thanks for your input and
      Thanks for your input and sharing your thoughts with us Mace.

  3. Thats not fair your friend is
    Thats not fair your friend is like a sis or bro 2 u

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  4. I can’t date ex-boyfriend
    I can’t date ex-boyfriend,niyo ni ujinga

    1. Thanks Dorine for your input.
      Thanks Dorine for your input.

  5. I can’t date my friend bf. I
    I can’t date my friend bf. I can b ashamed to tell her

    1. Thanks for sharing that njoki
      Thanks for sharing that njoki.

  6. sometimes yes and sometimes
    sometimes yes and sometimes no

    1. What do you mean Amos?
      What do you mean Amos?

  7. I’m in tha same dilemma but
    I’m in tha same dilemma but she also want us to get back together,pushing her away is not yielding any fruits but i think that if tha feeling is more mutual,there is no problem with rekindling the relationship

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story with us Ray.

  8. This case resembles mine..
    This case resembles mine…being in a relationship for almost four years. But soon I revealed she was playing me with other guys.

    1. Sorry to hear that Paul.
      Sorry to hear that Paul. Thanks for sharing.

  9. I did dated my best friend’s
    I did dated my best friend’s ex, it didn’t work for us not coz I was bad, but realized he doesn’t trust women, besides I ever felt guilty while still dating him. umm to tell u the truth not easy to date your best friend ex

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your experience with us Samar.

    1. Thanks for your input
      Thanks for your input Carolyne.

  10. dating your ex is like you’re
    dating your ex is like you’re disappointing your self

    1. Thank you Lukas for sharing.
      Thank you Lukas for sharing.

  11. Its the worst feeling ever…
    Its the worst feeling ever…. my friend dating my Ex ,,Betrayal!!

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your experience with us Betty.

  12. An x is an x. Even saying hae
    An x is an x. Even saying hae that can never work

    1. Hi Susan,

      Hi Susan,
      Thanks for your input.

  13. Had the same situation of my
    Had the same situation of my boyfriend dating my best friend and roomate in college… had no option but to quit the relationship but I will not stand to see them date.

    1. Thanks for sharing that with
      Thanks for sharing that with us Jackie.

  14. I think if its mutual,theris
    I think if its mutual,theris no need to backout…

    1. Thanks for your input Sarah.
      Thanks for your input Sarah.

  15. nothing to do with an ex is
    nothing to do with an ex is an ex thats why they always hav that title

    1. Thanks for sharing Sam.
      Thanks for sharing Sam.

  16. yua x is not yua bf anymore
    yua x is not yua bf anymore

    1. You are right Unitah. Thanks
      You are right Unitah. Thanks for sharing.

  17. I wouldn’t date my friend’s
    I wouldn’t date my friend’s ex come waat may….datc betrayal

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