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A sapiosexual’s search for love

If you are sexually attracted to someone who is intelligent, then you’re probably a sapiosexual. Does that make it easier or harder to find love?

‘She was conventionally attractive, she had a pretty face, a nice haircut, and a figure-hugging dress revealing her coke bottle-shaped body. Her heels hiked up her nice round butt.

But that didn’t do it for me. Yes, I am a straight man, so looking at a woman who looks like that does catch my attention, but it doesn’t keep my attention. So I turned back to my drink. It had been a long week and I passed by a bar I go to from time to time to let off some steam.

The woman then came to my table and introduced herself. Two seconds later, she said ‘So, what do you like in the bedroom?’ That’s how she started the conversation. We had just sat down and ordered drinks and this woman didn’t skip a beat before she started talking about sex. I was immediately turned off.

I stood up, with my drink, and moved to the back of the bar. This was going to be another one of those nights when I thought about how it is high time I started to change the places I went to hang out. The kind of woman I attracted was so focused on throwing her body at me that she didn’t notice when I tried to go past her boobs.

I have always preferred conversation – mind stimulating conversation – and for some reason, I just couldn’t get what I was looking for in the bars I went to. So then, after that fateful night, I changed my patterns. I started shifting from my regular spots, to coffee houses, house parties, and even group activities like hikes, cycling, and paintballing. This still didn’t work. It was still the female variety who weren’t interested in exploring what their minds had to offer, or mine. I soon just stopped being proactive on the dating scene.

I went about my life, chasing my career dreams. One day while I was having coffee alone in a restaurant, a guy asked if he could join me. I was alone in a booth that could hold about 4 people. I didn’t see why not. I nodded and he sat.

‘Do you mind if my pal joins me when she gets here?’

I was shocked that this guy was polite enough to ask. I shook my head no, I didn’t mind. I had headphones, so if the pal was noisy, I would just plug them in.

About an hour later a pretty lady joined the booth. The two hugged and they sat down. I continued reading the book as the two spoke. They were considerate as they spoke – they didn’t get unnecessarily loud. But the longer they spoke, the more I found myself getting aroused. This surprised me. I had to put the book down and process what was happening to me.

From the conversation, you could tell that the relationship they had was platonic. They discussed geopolitics and African history and culture – a wide range of subjects. Every time the lady was challenged by her friend, she had a counter-argument. Listening to her counter-argument, spewing historical facts and referring to certain African authors and academics I had read, turned me on. I had to restrain myself.

At that point, I realised what was missing in my life: someone who aroused my mind, not my genitalia. I couldn’t help myself; I placed my book down and apologised for butting into their conversation and started chiming in. Three hours later, the gentleman left and I was there with this amazingly intelligent woman.

We spoke for another three hours, then I paid the bill and we exchanged numbers. We started seeing each other a few months later. We talk about a lot of things we both love. Our conversations go on for hours. I never want to stop talking to her. Her mind is as beautiful as she is. She is an amazing person, and so intellectual – she challenges me to be better. I think I am falling in love.’