That advice is really common, and for some reason, people seem to think it is spot on. You’ll ‘just know’ when you meet the right person … that’s what they try to tell you. Somehow, you just always know. The problem with this mentality that ‘you’ll just know’ is that you end up chasing a feeling rather than a person.
Relationships are a tricky business at the best of times. There are no cast-in-iron rules of meeting your ‘one’, but there are general tips that can help you assess whether you two are a good fit for each other:
- You love being together but don’t mind being apart: A relationship is not a prison. You should be able to allow your partner to be their own person. Communication is key. Be upfront about everything and keep a line of open communication with your significant other.
- They care about your thoughts and opinions: you’re genuinely interested in your partner’s opinion. Even if you disagree, it is out of love and not malice.
- You’re comfortable being vulnerable with them: When you can share your hidden hurts and pains and they handle that information with care and empathy, and they don’t use that information against you, but rather to build you up.
- You fight fair: A true sign of a lasting relationship isn’t a lack of arguments; but how to solve the fights fairly. If you constantly find yourself having to apologize or put your needs aside, that will only continue as the relationship goes on.
- They will be relationship-oriented: Both of you should want the same thing. When one partner is still in the market and the other is completely into the relationship, that’s a warning for big fights in the future. Consistency shows that they really care about you and what’s going on in your life.
- You will lean on each other: Life is not easy. I don't need to tell you that. A lifetime partner is someone who is strong enough to be there for you and you there for them.
- You can be yourself around them: There is no clearer sign than this. Including the unglamorous, mundane versions of you.
- Life is short, so you might as well have fun and enjoy it! A good relationship is ‘happy’ and ‘easy’, or as I say 'a breath of fresh air.' Being able to enjoy each other’s company and laugh about the littlest things is what makes life so enjoyable.
Do you truly enjoy hanging out with him or her? Can you spend time and not get sick of each other? Do you communicate your needs and wants freely?
There’s no such thing as a one-time feeling that will carry you through a lifetime. What happens when the feelings fade? That’s not to say that you should ignore feelings because feelings are a valuable part of the process of discovering if someone is a good fit for you. Feelings are important; you just can’t let feelings lead the way.
Relationships are more about compatibility than chemistry. And the right amount of compatibility is often the best recipe for chemistry.
How did you know you found the one?