• Love & Relationships
• Relationship Problems

5 relationship red flags to look out for

By Eddy Ashioya on

So you like this guy, or this lady, but something just doesn’t seem right.

It could be because they use the words ‘you guy my guy’ too often. Or don’t pick calls after 10:00 pm and only call back the next morning with a bag full of excuses.

Or you have kiondo full of empty promises. Or drives a Subaru? 

Something is not right. 

You just can’t seem to put your finger on the problem. 

The only questions going through your head are: ‘am I dating myself?’ and ‘Is the ship sinking?’

1. They don’t respect you

   In Swahili they say mchovya asali hachovyi mara moja. If someone disrespects you once, trust, they’ll do it again. If they slap you once, they’ll slap you again. If they can’t commit and have justifications for cheating, it’s time to run.  Every time you make a compromise and blur the lines, they take more. Always learn to see when someone disrespects you, and cut it at the bud.

   If they don’t respect you, let them go

2. Controlling behavior

   Does he want to know where you are, who you are with, and what you’re doing, every time?

   For instance, you tell him, you are in church and he says give Jesus the phone? Or does she control where you go and what you see and cut you off from your friends? Once they isolate you, you will have no one to turn to for help. Often, the red flag of a very insecure partner looks like attentiveness at the start of a relationship, but it’s really just masked controlling behavior and desperate insecurity.

3. Alcohol and drugs addiction

   Alcohol should be for fun. But once your partner is affected negatively by drugs, it’s time to assess and get them help. Not always, but most of the time, alcohol and substance abuse can lead one to increased violence and cause your relationship severe damage. Counselors and therapists provide psychological, social, and emotional support to those in need by offering advice, education, support and counseling.

4. People who never own up or apologize

   If they are rude to people they perceive as lower than them, even waiters, they will be rude to you too. If you catch them in a lie or mistake and they always have an excuse, never owning up, you should be worried. It indicates they haven’t developed a healthy way to properly channel their emotions.

5. Love-Bombing

   Do you feel like you are going too fast too soon? When someone smothers you with love and attention such that you can’t even take some time to breathe, it’s time to take a step back and assess your relationship. If someone wants to call you their boyfriend/girlfriend within the first two dates, you should probably chill. And if suddenly they love everything you love, definitely, you are getting love bombed. And once the honeymoon phase is over, you might start to go back from scratch as the clouds clear and finally you see their true colors—all of them, red. By then, it’s usually too late.

Green Flag?

Look for someone who respects you first as a person, before they declare their love for you. Respect is the foundation of love and the fountain of a long-lasting healthy relationship. Just remember, red flags are a warning, not a challenge.