7 reasons your partner hasn’t said ‘I love you’

My boyfriend of 22 months has never said, ‘I love you.’ Is this a red flag?

Alaaar! 22 months?! Well, first, don’t say 22 months, just say 1 year 10 months. That will give you a clearer picture of exactly how much time we’re talking about here. Same thing but well…

Second, I feel you, it can be really confusing to keep wondering ‘does he love me? It’s not a good place to be in.

Here are 7 possible reasons he hasn’t said ‘I love you’

1. He’s not sure how he feels yet

You may not want to hear this but it could be that he’s not sure about you even after almost two years of dating. Some people are time wasters and while you may be committed to the relationship, he may not be. If this is the case, strap your boots and head back to the streets.

2. Actions speak louder than words

Have you ever heard of the phrases ‘talk is cheap,’ ‘action speaks louder than words,’ or ‘love is a verb?’ Some people believe that how someone treats you and their general behavior towards you is what you should look at. If their behavior and attitude towards you are positive, they believe that they don’t have to say ‘I love you.’

For this category, you may need to pay closer attention to what they do and say. It could be your answer to whether they love you or not.

Yet, I feel that even if someone knows you love them and they love you, it’s still important to say it. Once in a while is good enough. It’s reassuring.

3. He may not be ready

Your partner may not be ready yet. Every relationship is different such that some people will tell you they love you within a few days of meeting you but some may take months. When it comes to love there is no manual or timetable thus you cannot force your expectation on your partner.

You may find that he’s taking his time because of past hurt or heartbreak where they had a negative experience after saying it. They may want to protect themselves from another heartbreak. It’s totally normal for that person to want to wait a little bit before they say, ‘I Love you.’

4. He is emotionally unavailable

This category is bad news! Run or carefully consider what this could mean for your relationship.

Someone who is emotionally available seems detached or hard to predict. It could be that you cannot tell whether he’s happy, sad, loving, or just chill. In some cases, people, especially men, do not want to appear weak thus they prefer to not say, ‘I love you.’

5. He doesn’t know how to

We are not all the same, some people do not know how to express themselves. It could be that your partner was raised in a family that did not express love or that they were not taught how to or encouraged to do so.

It does not mean they don’t love you though.

6. Have you told him how you feel yet?

Well, he may not be sure about how you feel about him so maybe he’s waiting until he’s sure. No one wants to say I love you to someone only to be met with a ‘thank you’ or total silence. When it comes to love, we all want our feelings reciprocated so make sure that you’ve also shown or expressed love to your partner.  

It could also mean that they are waiting for you to say it first.

7. Personal or work issues

Could it be that your partner has been dealing with other personal or work issues that are totally draining them? When someone is overwhelmed by anything, much of their energy and time may be dedicated to the specific issue. It is important to find out so that you are a sort of comfort for them other than additional stress.

When was the last time your partner said, ‘I love you?’

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