man and woman on a date

Who should pay on the first date?

My rule of thumb: whoever calls for the date should pay.

Personally, I come from a long line of Luhya men. We pay for everything. It hurts my ego to go out and let a woman pay the bills. I am not going to lie; it makes me feel a little bit emasculated.

Because for man, provision is key. And you want to show your date that you can not only take care of yourself but also for her as well.

First dates reveal a lot about a person and usually determine whether a person would like to continue seeing the other person or not. The date is a great opportunity to learn more about a person and what type of lover they will be.

The question of who should pay for a first date has long been a topic for debate. Some people will die on the hill of ‘men should be the one to pay for the first date,’ always. Others would argue that it is 2021, and women are perfectly capable of paying their own bills. And for the rest, the only option is going Dutch and splitting the bill right down the middle. So, what’s the ‘right’ answer?

How you approach this question — both as an individual and as a potential couple — can say a lot about your financial future together. As with most things when it comes to relationships, the key here is honesty and clarity.

What about splitting the bill?

Ah. The age-old question of going Dutch. For me, I always ensure that I go on a date to a place where even if she orders everything on the menu, I can still afford it comfortably. It’s about living within your means and not trying to impress someone so much that you end up compromising your values and running into debts. It’s not worth it.

Here are a few options & tips on paying for a date:

  • Always be prepared! Ensure you can afford it.
  • If you know you want to pay for a date, let the other party know in advance
  • It’s okay to let the other person treat you from time to time. It’s a relationship and one party should not be the one spending everything on the other.
  • Most importantly, communication is key! Whether it pertains to money or a preference for splitting the bill, we have to be open about what we want.

Whoever proposed the date

This is simple: If you call me on a date, you better feed me and/or buy me a drink. To me, this is a fair situation. 

The traditional way

Talking about money when dating is hard, but it’s also necessary if you want to achieve a truly respectful relationship. In the case of a heterosexual relationship, a guy pays no matter what the lass says – if he wants to see her again, that is. 

In gay relationships, there can be based on a consensus about who takes up that role. 

If there’s a second date and she offers to split, you’re good.

If only one of you pays for it this time, a nice way to imply that you would like a second date is to suggest you’ll pay for the next one. Now there’s a way to make an irresistible first impression!

Over to you, who do you believe should pay for the first date?

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