Moving from being a couple to being alone
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Coping with a break up

Healing after a broken relationship is difficult. If you were in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

The way you feel depends slightly on whether you’ve been ‘dumped’ or you did the dumping. People who have been through both say that being dumped is much worse – not surprisingly. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. But in either case, it’s not easy.

After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex, and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts.

Coping with a break up

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break up:

  • Think about what went wrong, but don't obsess over it. Don't fight your feelings – accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 
  • Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet and pour your heart out.
  • Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it's time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.
  • Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.
  • Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.
  • Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it's perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
  • Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other non-prescription drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
  • Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help. Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Related: Falling Out Of Love

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614
Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438

Did you learn something new?

Comments

Hello Crystal, thank you for reaching out to us. So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. It is understandable that you would be hurting during this time and would want to go back. To help you think of what you should do, think about what you want for yourself and your future. Do you think that the issue for your break up could be resolved? Can you be honest about it?

I kissed smone else wen I thought my bf i nd wer over, he asked me 2 block him nd we didn't talk 4 a month nd 2 wks, bt he came bck and said we didn't brkup, I agreed 2 date him again since then he said I cheated on him nd he hurts me evryday wit his words, he said he loves me bt I dnt see it, he said am negative wen eva I say my opinion abt smtin, nw he said we shuld go on a brk, nd its two months,am hurt and broken, wat cn I do, cos I love him too much to let go bt I wnt to
Love Matters
Mon, 03/23/2020 - 07:58 pm

Hello Rose, thank you so much for reaching out to us and we are so sorry to hear what you are going through. Prior to your break up, had you both made it clear that it was an official break up or was it just a break for you both take some time? This could be the source of your conflict. Secondly, what caused the initial break in the first place? 

Anonymous
Mon, 05/04/2020 - 03:42 pm
Hi, I'm so confused, my boyfriend, doesn't give me quality attention, I feel like I love him more than he loves me, each time I tried to correct him, he does worse. I love him so much, and I don't wanna loose him, I don't know what to do anymore

Hello Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry you are going through such a hard time and it is understandable that you would feel frustrated with the situation.
Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.

Victoria
Sun, 05/10/2020 - 05:50 pm
I just broke up with my boyfriend..initially i thought my feelings for him were dying.i knew there were other ladies in the picture but my love for him was the most important thing.I Loved him like i was the only one he was dating but doubts kept coming and then i decided to end everything today but now am not really myself, i try not to think about him but his thoughts keep coming.Right now i think getting myself into another relationship is a bad idea..Do you think it would help me heal?

Hi Victoria, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry you have had such a rough time. Getting into another relationship to help you heal is not a good idea. Especially because you will not be giving the other person your authentic self. Try and use this time to process your feelings and work on getting over your ex. It is normal to have lingering feelings but time heals all wounds.

Breaking up! She broke up with cause of her religion according to her..we dated for 10years and I already talked to her parents but she ended it

Hello Yemi, thank you so much for reaching out to us and we are so sorry you had to go through such a rough time, especially after 10 years. How are you coping since and ho long has it been since the break-up? Talk to us, we are here for you.

Hi Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. Time heals all wounds. Although it feels like you will never get over your ex, with time you will and you will feel so much better. Just stick to the guidelines outlined in this article and you will be fine.

Love Matters
Tue, 06/02/2020 - 06:18 pm

You are most welcome Stephanie, we are always pleased to help. Please stay safe and have a wonderful week ahead. 

Irene Karimoni
Mon, 07/13/2020 - 03:06 am
I was in a marriage for almost two years but for the last two months my marriage has not been doing well, my hubby went ahead and looked for another house though he has been supporting us and when I requested him to get back to the house he opted to have two houses. Finally I have found him drinking with his ex girlfriend and sleeping in his house. Am mentally disturbed on how to move on kindly help

Hello Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. So sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time.
Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.
This article has some pointers that ccould help you learn how to better communicate.
https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/better-

collie
Tue, 08/18/2020 - 08:35 am
I noticed my girl had been cheating on me pretending that the other boy is just a feiend..when i ask her she insists its just a friend..her best friend knows that boy dates her..i decided to leave the relationship..am hurt though..but she's not responded ever since
Love Matters
Mon, 09/07/2020 - 01:41 pm

Hi Parvel, thank you for getting in touch and we are so glad that we are able to provide you content to help you make informed decisions. Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

sophie
Fri, 09/25/2020 - 11:03 am
my boyfriend is called Patrick we use to love each soo much bt one day he started showing me he doesn't love by showing me in wattsapp status other girls i feel crying I am soo heartbroken so what I do to forget him

Hi Sophie, thank you for getting in touch with us and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. The decision is really up to you. Take time to consider what the options mean for you. How would your decision affect you? What do you desire for yourself and your future?

I badly need help. My girlfriend left me unexpectedly and abruptly- I did not see it coming. We even had a baby together. I have so many unanswered questions. Can someone really heal and move on having in mind that this betrayal is from someone you have loved all of your life (since Primary school?)

Hi Mike, so sorry to hear you have been through such a hard time. The sad reality is that the ones we love have the power to hurt us the most. It may hurt a whole lot now but with time the pain becomes less. It may nog go completely but you will learn to live with it. Someone likened pain to a ball in a box with a button. When the box is large, it presses on the button constantly but with time it gets smaller and presses on the button occasionally. Everything will work out.

That is the spirit Lenny! Cook your heart out and let the world know just how amazing you are! We are glad to be here for you and know that if you ever need any more support, we are here for you! have a wonderful week and stay safe :)

Anonymous
Tue, 10/20/2020 - 10:06 pm
Hmmm i don't think i will ever love again, cus the only one i trust fail me so there is no heart of love in me again

Hi Anonymous, thank you for getting in touch and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. Break-ups are hard; especially if you did everything you could in the relationship. This is doubly difficult for guys, who don’t know what to do with the negative emotion welling up inside. Is there a way past the pain? We are here to tell you yes! There is, click here to find out more: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/looking-past-the-pain

Keep us posted and know that you will find a strong heart within yourself to love again okay? We are here for you!

Hi Marshal, thank you for getting in touch and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. Do not despair though, we are here for you. Going through a break-up is not easy. You are trapped in a turmoil of emotions and negativity. Read our do’s and don’ts to stay strong: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up

Keep us posted and know that everything will be okay buddy!

Hi Marshal, thank you for getting in touch and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. Do not despair though, we are here for you. Going through a break-up is not easy. You are trapped in a turmoil of emotions and negativity. Read our do’s and don’ts to stay strong: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up

Keep us posted and know that everything will be okay buddy!

Godbless
Thu, 11/05/2020 - 11:30 pm
Hi, I don't know what's going on but it seems am loosing my gf, cuz normally wen I call her she's happy and all, but now she answers like am just a normal friend oh hers even with her normal friends she answers very good And normally she calls me wen am not online on facebook , WhatsApp or any social media to know if am ok or to tell me I should come online , I don't know if she's having another with her or am the cuz ion know what's the problem ?
Love Matters
Fri, 11/06/2020 - 12:41 pm

Hello Godbless, thank you for getting in touch and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive. Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well. This article has some pointers that could help you learn to communicate more effectively: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/better-communication-better-relationships 

MARY TEI
Sun, 11/08/2020 - 05:11 pm
I have been in a relation for four good years since i joined campus,,the man got me still innocent to date of which we shared everything like any other lovers could...it happened i came to realise my man slept with my roommate..the closest friend of mine,,,i had no otherwise since the feeling ran deep in me..it is too much in me that i decided to stop the relationship because it a was different sought of betrayal..kindly assist i'm depressed,stressed this is too much for me..i love him still.

Hi Mary, we are so sorry to hear you have been through such a rough time and that this terrible thing happened to you. It is understandable that you may be feeling like you have been betrayed. The article speaks about coping with a break-up and we hope it has helped you with some pointers at the very least. We understand that at this time you may feel a little overwhelmed but with time it will get better. The pain may not dissipate completely but it will get easier to deal with it.

Rachael
Sun, 11/29/2020 - 02:58 pm
My fiance seduces ladies on Facebook and I even find the same in SMS texts, I have been observing this for quite along time now. Could this be his true nature? He claims that he's having fun.Though I cry severally begging him it doesn't seem to bother him. It took me a year to decide and leave him. Though his insults are draining me emotionally and psychologically
Love Matters
Tue, 12/01/2020 - 06:29 pm

Hi  Rachael, thank you for getting in touch with us and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. No one deserves to be insulted or abused in any way. The fact that you are aware of his actions and have communicated with him and this is his reaction is quite toxic and though we never explicitly inform anyone to leave a partner, this is a rare situation in which we value you and your well-being. You deserve to be happy and if you are going to be married to someone for the rest of your life, we highly recommend that you do so with someone that you will be happy with and can build a future with.

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