Moving from being a couple to being alone
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Coping with a break up

Healing after a broken relationship is difficult. If you were in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

The way you feel depends slightly on whether you’ve been ‘dumped’ or you did the dumping. People who have been through both say that being dumped is much worse – not surprisingly. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. But in either case, it’s not easy.

After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex, and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts.

Coping with a break up

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break up:

  • Think about what went wrong, but don't obsess over it. Don't fight your feelings – accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 
  • Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet and pour your heart out.
  • Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it's time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.
  • Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.
  • Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.
  • Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it's perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
  • Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other non-prescription drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
  • Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help. Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Related: Falling Out Of Love

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614
Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Mitchel
Sat, 07/02/2016 - 07:45 pm
I love my best friend and he claims to love me but he has a girlfriend... I love him so much what do I do..he still sleeping with his girlfriend
Hi Mitchel i often easy to fall in love with your best friend, but that does not mean that the current relationship he is in is wrong. Put yourself in her Shoes. Would you want your boyfriend to break up with you for someone else even though things were working in your relationship? You might want to think about taking time of from each other until you are both able to sort out your feelings for each other.
j have misunderstandings with my girlfriend,she works in rwanda but recently came unfortunate spent one month without any meeting with me,yesterday she told me ,on way back ,now am confused should i move on or wait and what hurts me mostly whenever i ask her about it she always say "you meant for me"
my gf n I av dated 4 3yrz now, she don't allow me 2 kiss or sex her, my pic is not even in her fone , yet she claimz she luv me....#amConfused plz help
kofi James
Wed, 10/12/2016 - 03:45 pm
I have a friend who told how she entered into her first relationship and how she lost her virginity and how she break up but she later told me she loves me. Later she told me she had a new guy. I'm confused pls help me
Hi Kofi, You simply need to take time and think if she is the one you want to be in a relationship in if she can not give you a chance to do so.
Av been dating her for 7 good yrs but then she used to accuse me that am a whore coz it was a long distance rltp.I decided to get another girl but I saw it unfair n broke up the current rltp n ask for forgiveness to my 7yr chic but she says she has forgiven me but we can't get back together.what can I do to get her back?
Hi Jared, there is no easy answer to your question. You can only get back with your ex if she is willing to be back together with you. If she moved on it will be difficult for that to happen and you need to consider that possibility. Take time to think about it and make a decision.
Yap i had a friend. He z ma best friend but what surprises me z dat he has neva told me dat he luvs me en wen i used to chat with other boys he used to get annoyed with me so wen i left dat place de guy started speaking ill things so am confused
Very helpful insight.one needs to make dough choices afrtr listening to your heart. And what is more important is what is best for you rather than focusing on the other person.at the end of the day its your life.
Michelle
Tue, 11/29/2016 - 02:47 am
I broke up with my boyfriend because he is a player but I still love him so much and its hard to move on. Should I get back with him and try to change him? Make him love me??
Hi Michelle, This could be difficult to hear but you cannot make anyone love you. Moving on is not easy but here is an article that can help https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/after-the-break-up .
I had a boyfriend and we stayed in a relationship for five years. When I finished college he wanted me to get pregnant for him but to me it was still to early... We broke up and I decided to leave my motherland for a moment later I got in to another relationship and the guy was so serious about it I got pregnant and now i have his daughter I know the father of my child loves me I try my best to love him as much as he loves me but I can't I still have feelings for my ex. We hv met accidentally and what he tells me is he still love me.
Hi Clara, Thank you for sharing your story with us. You need to learn how to get over your past relationship if your current one is to have any chance of working out. Just because you have broken up with someone it does not mean your feelings for him end. It takes time and patience to be able to deal with your feelings and move on.
I have been in along distance relationship for sometime ..we have been good and the communication was all well but it was until my guy landed on my old Facebook account and he suspected me of cheating on him using that Facebook account and he ended the r/ship from then. He even blocked me that he doesn't want to talk to me but I really love him so much.
Sorry that your relationship did not work. A break up is never easy. Its good to be hopeful but its also important to try move forward with your life. Learn more here https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/after-the-break-up .
ronahritah
Mon, 12/19/2016 - 11:23 pm
i have a bf who says he loves me but he realy calls me yet he spends 2 months without visitng me.When i told him that i was pregnant he told me go to back home and i wait for him to send me money for abortion.Its now 3 months he has never communicated to me.What can i do?does he really love me?
Hi Ronah, This may be difficult to hear but it sounds like he does not care about you. Someone who has your best interest at heart would always make sure you are ding fine and would want to take care of you. You need to take time and think about that relationship then decide on the way forward.
rejoyce
Tue, 12/20/2016 - 11:50 am
i had been in a relation for 2 years with my boyfriend,recently i he was to go to his home land,but he started feel sick and told me his brothers wife will go instead of him,i check the name written in the bus ticket and searched it in fb and found some comments which shows he was cheating me,the girl they had a relationship with, i decided to ask him,but he told me ,she was her ex but they dont communicate,after a week he told me he want to discuss something with me,he revealed to me that he had pregnanted a girl while finishing high school and the girls family wants him to take care of the kid,he told me he only loves me he does not want the other girl coz he is not sure that kid is his cos the was another man also dating this girl,i asked him why he did not told me when we started relationship but he told me i was to leave him and he loves me,i was angry and its two weeks now i dont pick his phone nor replying his sms and everyday he keeps sms me to find out how am i,help,should i leave him for good on forgive him
Hi there, That is the big question. The truth is no one has the answer to it except you. You are the only one qualified to decide what to do since you are the only one who knows what you want. Take time to think about it and deliberate on the pros and cons of each decision. Do some soul searching on what you feel you can be able to handle and what you cannot, then make up your mind. All the best to you.
Hi,i hve ma gf ever since we left skul thngs a nt da sme coz we a far and whn u text her she dasnt pik o whn she piks she tels mi she s busi mbu da maid left dea a dng everi thng bt its too muci and b4 i noticd she semed nt to bi faithful to mi whn h asked her abaut da other gai she tels mi da gai s her secret admire pliz do u thk dea a dea
Hi, Sorry that you are going through this. Check out this article then make up you mind about what you ant to do about it.
Hi,I stayed with my boyfriend for 5 years now,en we now have a baby but he z dating another lady at the same time tell me he still needs Mi but he can't leave the other lady too Hw can I get over him
Taylor
Thu, 12/29/2016 - 07:39 am
I broke up with my ex coz he cheated on me... but when we met again he wanted to win me again I think I still love him but I was currently in a relationship which ended with a painful break up ...I don't know if I should go back to my ex or should I first let my heart get over my previous heart break please help
faithzy
Sun, 01/01/2017 - 08:41 am
I have been in a relationship for 2 years and I went bad ,he broke my heart saying he don't love me ,I love him but its over.After 2 months my boyfriend want we be back ,does he love me ..
Hi faith, This is one of those questions that do not have a straight answer. Whether its good or bad depends with an individual own opinion. Getting back with your ex depends on a few things like, do you both still want the same thing? Do you feel you can be able to resolve the issues that le to the break up in the first place? After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex and how the relationship ended. But be picky, too. If you know that the differences between you while dating were too big, the same might happen in the new relationship. It's not worth getting hurt twice! Its always important to take care and your feelings first before you make a step towards mending the relationship. Having a sober mind while making such a decision is very important.
Tiphanie
Sat, 01/07/2017 - 10:49 pm
I was introduced to my guy by his dad ...at first I asked if he had someone in his life and as usual I got a no for an answer...we have dated for less than a year and I found out he had someone else and have dated for 3 years.we have been in an off and on relationship ever since I asked him about it.we decided to break up and stick to friendship zone but every time we meet he speaks of what he feels for me and he wanted me to fight for us...we sometimes decide never to talk to each other but before the week ends we find ourselves talking again...he is still his 3year old gf and for my side am trying to move on...how can I move on and just forget him and make him do the same?
I have been in a relation for 3yrz.we have akid.i realised dat he was married wen i was already pregnant. he takes care ov mi some times bat he z a womanizer .and he refused 2 marry mi.wen ever I talk about it he tellz mi 2 wait and I love him.so wat kan I do
HI Uni, The truth is marriage is a serious commitment and cannot be forced on anyone who does not want to. Another reason could be because he is already married. Take time to think if you would like to be in a relationship with a womanizer.
Racheal
Sat, 07/01/2017 - 10:15 pm
Its like 3days wen I realised that my bf was dating my best friend bt za pain is too mc. Yet we work in za same place. Some advise plse
We are so sorry Rachael that you are having to deal with this. Have you made a decision decision about the relationship? Your boyfriend broke rules and while does hurt you will move on. This was not your fault, since this was his choice to make. It may take time but it gets better with time. We wish you well. Check out the following article. https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
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