Moving from being a couple to being alone
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Coping with a break up

Healing after a broken relationship is difficult. If you were in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

The way you feel depends slightly on whether you’ve been ‘dumped’ or you did the dumping. People who have been through both say that being dumped is much worse – not surprisingly. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. But in either case, it’s not easy.

After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex, and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts.

Coping with a break up

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break up:

  • Think about what went wrong, but don't obsess over it. Don't fight your feelings – accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 
  • Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet and pour your heart out.
  • Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it's time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.
  • Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.
  • Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.
  • Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it's perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
  • Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other non-prescription drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
  • Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help. Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Related: Falling Out Of Love

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614
Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438

Did you learn something new?

Comments
christine
Tue, 03/31/2015 - 04:01 pm
we broke up with my exe for 4 four month but recently when he saw me in a weeding ceremony he called me and insisted that we should meet and talk i still love him coz he was my first lover.please help
Christine, meet him, see how you feel about it. Don't commit to anything until you are sure of what you want. But there is no harm in meeting him for a cup of chai some time, to see if you really want to get back together.
here comes ma ex who later got married..bt whenever we meet he starts t cry claming i left her ad dhat made him to marry.....i also feel at him...should i sex with him wen he reguest?????
Mary, in the end, it's up to you to decide that, but it sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty in order to get what he wants from you. And that's not good. And, do remember that he would be cheating on his family.
My galfrnd of long time r/shp brok up wid me just coz i uploded a pic of sam1 who inspired me alot,now she has blokd my calls &txtz and ignoring my explanation claiming dat she has decided call off th r/shp..wat shld i do coz she is in Nrb and am in Ksm?
Anonymous
Sun, 12/06/2015 - 09:45 am
I broke up with my boyfriend and I no longer love him..but he keeps destroying my relationships...whereby he keeps calling mi all the time and mostly when am with my new boyfriend and also sending mi texts with sweet names claiming he still loves mi...i dont know what to do bcoz any guy who i move with in a relationship gets annoyed with me esp.when the guy calls or sends a text to me...plz help
Hi you can make a decision to block him from calling you on your phone so that he can not reach you. You also need to talk to your boyfriend and inform him whats happening and how you feel about it. Another thing that could work is ignoring him completely and don't respond to any of his texts or calls.
Branny
Mon, 12/14/2015 - 11:20 pm
Even if I parted ways wth my dude 3yrs ago, we do feel attracted to each other . when we communicate, He is always sorry for what he did n wants us to meet. Buh deep inside me i feel insecure, "what if he'll repeat same mistake "doubtfull
Branny, its normal to still be attracted to your ex-boyfriend, its good that he is remorseful and has apologized for what he did. You need to take time to think and make a decision if you want to go back to the relationship or not because only you have the power to make that decision. All the best
i found out my GF has been cheating me on facebook after i logged in her account but she denies she is cheating me since she has no idea i have logged in her account...we live in the same village so her chats are ever clean but for now she has vissited her aunt far from home so she doesn't clean up her chats untill she come back. I av been taking screenshots in her chats so as to use it as evidence when am confronting her during our break up...for now she has no idea i have access in her chats so she denies still and i act normal until we meet face to face
MELISHA
Tue, 12/15/2015 - 08:41 pm
I HAVE GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY LOVER,THAT WE HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIP FOR THREE YEARS IN A PEACEFUL WAY THAT I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT CHANGE COULD OCCUR,IN THIS TERM OF OUR SEMISTER, WE NEVER CONVERSED AS WE COULD DO BEFORE, ITS ME WHO COULD CALL TO KNOW ABOUT HIS LIFE,AND HE COULD RESPOND AS IF HE NEVER WANTED, WHEN I RELEASED IT,I ASKED HIM WHAT IS HAPPENING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,HE ANSWERED ME THAT NOTHING IS WRONG,BUT FOR SURE HE HAS REAL CHANGED I DON'T KNOW WHY,WHAT CAN I DO FOR SURE I AM REALLY STRESSED UP BECAUSE OF OVERTHINKING.
HI Melisa, Have you pointed out this changes to him and expressed how it makes you feel? Its normal for people to change in relationships but it should not be drastic.Sometimes pointing it out to your partner goes a long way in helping them realize how they are hurting you, and if they are genuine about the relationship they will try to change it.
I've also been in a situation somewhat similar to yours its just hard to decide something like moving on aftersomeone already stole your heart..u loved n had fun shared a lot but now he cares no more about how u feel..u can try give him a Lil break then give him time,nsee if he can come back to his senses..if he comes back he loved u if he doesn't he dint belong to u ,let go, grow more beautiful n move on
Amanda
Sat, 02/20/2016 - 12:58 pm
hi, am confused, my ex asked me back yesterday. At first I refused because I was scared to try again. He got so angry and didn't text again. I sent several texts apologising because despite everything I love him. I didn't get any reply. I tried call calling but he kept on rejecting my calls. I couldn't take it anymore. I then sent him a text accepting him back as my boyfriend. Despite all that I said, he didn't reply. I love him so much I want him back. Was I too late? Did he love me as much as he said he did? Should I accept he doesn't want me and I move on? his silence is making me restless...some advice please
Hi Amanda, sorry that you are in this confusing position. When it comes to exes it can be tricky since we are emotionally tied to them. It sound as if he is playing mind games with you. If he was the one who wanted you back then he would fight for the relationship and not the other way round. You need to take time and think if he is the type of person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Think about the reasons why you broke up in the first place and if you think the issues can be resolved. It can be difficult to make that kind of decision but you can do it.
Beyonce
Fri, 04/15/2016 - 03:53 pm
Hi admin isit a gud thing to still b friends with ur ex?my ex just pop'd in @my flat n said he came to visit.I ws shockd I ddnt xpct him.no tym nt communicating with him does it mean he mic me?
Hey Beyonce, there’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts. If you feel that that friendship won't work then you should point that out immediately.
Gedion mugo
Sun, 05/15/2016 - 05:46 am
My girlfriend whom I have a kid with have a distance relationship. One year ago she cheated on me. The thing still hurts me. Our relationship is on and off. I lover but I feel to quit but I find myself talking to her. Please help
i left my him becuz of many reasons, he never trusted me, he doubted me so much, and when he cheated on me, i had considered forgiving him but then little did i know that he was lying to me. He was still with the other gal so i called it quit. the circumstances of the breakup matters alot. Mine was horrible and now i regret every bit of it.its hard moving on but I can not be friends with him at all or look back.
I am confused. I paid him a visit over easter holiday and all went well.We havnt been together for long,though I had banked on him for my future hubby and was secure abt that.On coming back all was fine for a while and he suddenly changed.No calling me nor picking my calls,and sometimes even rejecting them,no responding to my texts,and finally going quiet with no communication at all.The last word I heard from him through a text is "I will communicate my position in due course" and it has never happened. I only need to know if the relationship is still on or if it ended silently.Its a long distance one,He is in central Kenya and am in Western Kenya.please advice.
Hi Lorna sorry for your current state of uncertainty. This might be difficult to hear but you don't need to wait for him to make a decision about your future. You need to take time and think if he is the kind of person you would like to be with. Then decide on what you want for yourself.
Hi Maffin, you need to take time and interest to learn about the other person and not just be excited by the prospect of being in a new relationship. Read more here https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/love-and-relationships .
hi, i was in a r/ship wit a gyal, i loved her very much n we dd all manner of things but suddenly she changed n told me that she has been with another guy 4 that long but funny thing and it made me get confused is she didn't visit him that often. pliz help coz we broke up n she is the one who suggested it but didn't want to listen what i felt for her.
Mitchel
Sat, 07/02/2016 - 07:45 pm
I love my best friend and he claims to love me but he has a girlfriend... I love him so much what do I do..he still sleeping with his girlfriend
Hi Mitchel i often easy to fall in love with your best friend, but that does not mean that the current relationship he is in is wrong. Put yourself in her Shoes. Would you want your boyfriend to break up with you for someone else even though things were working in your relationship? You might want to think about taking time of from each other until you are both able to sort out your feelings for each other.
j have misunderstandings with my girlfriend,she works in rwanda but recently came unfortunate spent one month without any meeting with me,yesterday she told me ,on way back ,now am confused should i move on or wait and what hurts me mostly whenever i ask her about it she always say "you meant for me"
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