• Our Bodies

‘Eat the booty like groceries’: How far is too far?

By Anthony Okoth on

We live in a time of increasing liberal ideas towards sex – despite a predominantly traditional mindset in most people. How far is too far for you? Should you say no if your perceived threshold is about to be crossed?

Times change, and people’s interactions change with them. We’ve moved from a point where sex was spoken about in low voices in secluded places to where it’s the topic of morning radio when the whole family is en route to work or school. We also cannot shake the underlying feeling that most of what we talk about with regard to sex is what we see in media.

In Kenya, we consume a lot of media that is not our own. As a result, we are exposed to a lot of new sexual habits that may not have been popular here. When rappers started saying that women have to give them blowjobs in their songs, it became a prerequisite here as well. When the same rappers said that using a condom wasn’t cool anymore, it started an alarming trend here as well. When a female artist stated that a man seeking her attention has to “eat the booty like groceries”, it translated to a shift in mindset here as well.

How far is too far?

Regardless of personal opinion about any of the acts above and many more that have not been stated, the evolution as to what constitutes sex is easy to see. Men and women expect more from each other. After all, their friends are experiencing the same things and it’s all over the media. Why shouldn’t they be able to experience the same?

When a female artist stated that a man seeking her attention has to “eat the booty like groceries”, it translated to a shift in mindset in Kenya as well.

What about the other person, though? Seeing as sex is an act between two (or more) people, what happens to the other person? What if you’re not comfortable with putting yourself in the situation or performing the act that your partner has asked of you? Is it a bad thing that you’re not as adventurous as your partner? Or maybe you’re just not comfortable with doing some things with someone that you don’t know that well… What does that translate to if you find yourself in that situation?

Hold the phone

Ultimately, sex is supposed to be fun. This cannot be the case if one of the people involved is uncomfortable. It is important to make sure any suggestion is acceptable to both parties. If it is something that you know your partner may find especially unnerving or foreign, a little heads up before you get in the groove is both courteous and may ultimately help your cause.

If the act suggested is way past your threshold, you must exercise your right to refuse. Apart from shielding you from potential diseases and injury, doing anything under duress during sex takes away your enjoyment of the act. This is especially true of sexual encounters with people whose history and medical status you are not familiar with. Keep it fun and clean if that’s what you want, and save the kinkier stuff for that special someone.

Have your thresholds been crossed? How did you deal with it? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.