Melancholic man

I could masturbate anytime, anywhere!

Tarun was addicted to masturbation despite a great sex life. He would even do it in public spaces. Find out how he took control over his urges.

Tarun is 25-year-old animator.

Self-love

I started masturbating at the age of 15 and would do it five or even six times a day.
Anything remotely sexual would turn me on. A glimpse of cleavage, a girl in tight figure-hugging outfit or even the memory of an enticing picture would get me all hot and erect and I’d have to ‘relieve’ myself.
Time passed, but my desire to masturbate often, didn’t.

When I finished college, I met Laila and I knew she was the one for me and by any standards our sex life was rocking!

But, I would still masturbate two or three times a day. Even an hour or two after we’d make love, there I was ‘pleasing’ myself yet again.
And my urges didn’t stop at home.

At work, friends’ homes, restaurants, bars – you name it and I’d probably masturbated there.

There were times when I didn’t feel right but I’d readily dismiss the thought. I thought after all ‘self-love’ is always good!

Caught red-handed

One night Laila woke up to find me masturbating on the couch. Disturbed by what she saw she just went back to the bedroom. I stopped, washed up and went to her side of the bed. ‘Is the sex not good enough?’ she asked. ‘Of course it is! I love it. But I have these uncontrollable urges and I just need to masturbate,’ I said.

And just like that, I told her everything. From how many times to where all I masturbate to how easily I get turned on. ‘We all have urges but it can be tricky if we act on them all the time,’ she said. I asked myself, ‘Was this just a habit that I couldn’t get rid of? I wasn’t unhappy with our sex life or stressed about anything so was this some added thrill?’

Honestly even until today I can’t pinpoint it to any one specific thing. When I was aroused I had to masturbate. For me it really boiled down to that.

Understanding partner

Laila did right by pointing out that masturbating so often and particularly in public spaces could potentially be embarrassing and troublesome. What if I got caught with my pants down, literally? Plus I could sense she was hurt. I’d probably feel the same way if the tables were turned.

Laila said, ‘Tarun, don’t push to stop your urges if you don’t want to. It’s the worst thing you could do to yourself.’ It finally dawned on me that I had the most understanding and supportive girl in the world. My dirty secret was out and I wanted to make a change.

Small steps

I took small steps like distracting myself when I felt an erection coming. I’d think about something else, get engrossed in work or listen to my favourite music. I’d find other activities that gave me pleasure like playing video games or going for a jog and if nothing worked then I’d masturbate.

Initially, it was tough to control the need to masturbate willy-nilly, but soon I was just doing it at home, maybe few times a week. I am more focused at work and my sex life with Laila went on to a whole new level of excitement and understanding. I couldn’t be happier.
 

Do you think you masturbate too much? How do you feel about it? Tell us your experience­ – leave a comment below or on our Facebook page. For any questions, head to our discussion board.

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Recent Comments (123)

  1. its better than having sex
    its better than having sex with multiple partners id rather masterbate when i have an urge of sex

    1. Thank you Erick for sharing
      Thank you Erick for sharing that with us. You are right is safer than having multiple partners.

  2. that’s great step you have
    that’s great step you have take tarun,i to am trying but mine is different coz i love boys alot and they turn me on every time buts its hard to stop masterbating

    1. There is nothing wrong with
      There is nothing wrong with Masturbation kasangaki as long as you are not addicted.

  3. Ima marriad aged 24 but coz
    Ima marriad aged 24 but coz my guy works outside kenya , i just find myseif musterbating once may a week, bt i think its cozz am busy ad i usually keep the trust,ad he can spent like 5 months without meeting

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story with us Linah. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, so if it works for you that’s a good thing.

      1. Can u musturbation result to…
        Can u musturbation result to infertility to a man in future

        1. Hello Jose, thank you for…

          Hello Jose, thank you for getting in touch and asking a great question. You must have heard that men could ‘lose’ all their sperm if they masturbate too often and that could make them impotent. Well, that’s just hocus pocus. Because as long as a man has healthy sexual organs, he keeps producing sperm, whether or not he masturbates. The same goes for women – masturbation doesn’t make a woman stop producing fertile eggs. In fact, for guys who are trying to get their partner pregnant, it’s actually good to keep the semen flowing! Older sperm that has been hanging around in there for a few days are less likely to be in tip-top condition. Click here to find out more myths you may believe to be true! https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbation-myths-busted

  4. i hve realy learn a lot and
    i hve realy learn a lot and now atleast i can say i have gain some strength.i am also a victim of that kind of disturbance even though it is not that much,i always feel uncomfortable.

    1. Is good to know that it was
      Is good to know that it was helpful to you Kagwa.

  5. am 18yrs en after my mum
    am 18yrs en after my mum passed i felt so down, so i couldnt able 2 inbox any girl, i need 2 stop this silly unjoyful behavior,

    1. Hi Ken, sorry to hear about
      Hi Ken, sorry to hear about your Mum. People are different and therefore deal with grief in different ways. if you are not comfortable with what you are doing you can make a conscious decision to stop doing it. Your actions will follow what your mind tells you.

  6. Hay guyz, thats my name en am
    Hay guyz, thats my name en am 27yrs, thx mr Tarun for being open to the public, now as old as l am, l hve spent now a yr en ahalf without hving sex with any girl, somtims l feel back paining, bt when l mastabate l feel somehow fine, l awyz make it 4times a month. l hard sex befor becose l hav a girl lover bt l dont stay with her now, l live in enother country, So l want to know, whether its not good to masturbate, advise me, Should l stop it en get any other girl or l contnew til l get the write pertner? Thx.

    1. Hi Nichol, there is nothing
      Hi Nichol, there is nothing wrong with masturbation. In fact, research has shown that it can help relieve stress, lift your mood up and give you good health. So feel free to masturbate and stop when you want to.

  7. Do u we hv side effect of
    Do u we hv side effect of masturbation?does it lower the esteem when having sex?

  8. yes i do musturbate and it
    yes i do musturbate and it started when i was in high school.i have done it twice today but i always feel so low and guilty once am done.though i dont do it so often but i really want to stop it.just like Tarun i get turned on veery easill and since i work at night and during the day am all alone,i always get tempted istead of going to look for ladies out there and i have a wife only that she is far from.yes she knows i do it and she prefer that than cheating on her.help me stop it pliiiiiiiiiz

    1. Hi Marto thank you for
      Hi Marto thank you for writing to us. You need to believe you can stop masturbating. Get ride of all pornographic material if you have any. Reduce the number of times you do it in a day. systematically until you are able to stop. This may take a while so you need to be patient. Read this article and get more insight https://lovematters.co.ke ./news/cant-stop-masturbating

  9. I musturbate a lot probably
    I musturbate a lot probably twice a day I fear I may suffer from erectile dysfunction my eretion is not hard and lasts for a few min help pliz

  10. Tanks a lot Tarun for sharing
    Tanks a lot Tarun for sharing………its really helpful.

    1. You are welcome Cyrus.
      You are welcome Cyrus.

  11. I DO ALSO MASTURBATE AFTER
    I DO ALSO MASTURBATE AFTER FEELING LIKE HAVING SEX,HOW CAN YOU ASISST ME PLEASE?0705675264 or [email protected]

    1. Hi Joshua, what kind of
      Hi Joshua, what kind of assistance do you need from us exactly?

  12. I av the same problem I
    I av the same problem I controls my self even for one week but inanizidia na musturbate am marked but due to the nature of my job I stays away like three months from my wife

  13. i am 15 i do it what can i do
    i am 15 i do it what can i do

    1. Hi, are you asking what you
      Hi, are you asking what you can do about masturbation?

  14. I masturbate daily what will
    I masturbate daily what will I do to stop it?

    1. You need to start by getting
      You need to start by getting ride of all pornographic material in your possession. You also need to believe that you can be able to stop. You then need to reduce the number of times you masturbate systematically until you are able to stop completely. Read this article and get more information https://lovematters.co.ke/news/cant-stop-masturbating .

  15. I started it at age 16 now am
    I started it at age 16 now am 28 and I had never ditched it. It’s a big problem since am not married. the worst thing is that I can express myself to any girl as I do fear them. I if I get married I would stop. To me it’s not good.

    1. Hi Tony thanks for sharing
      Hi Tony thanks for sharing your story with us. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It only becomes a problem when one is addicted to it. Why do you fear girls? is it because you are shy? well here is an article that could help https://lovematters.co.ke/news/painfully-shy .

  16. there is nothing gôd

    there is nothing gôd
    just when u become adicted its difficult to stop it

    1. Yes Edwin any addiction is
      Yes Edwin any addiction is difficult to stop.

  17. Thats great. U still hv a
    Thats great. U still hv a noble woman.

    1. Yes he does Erastus. Thank
      Yes he does Erastus. Thank you for your input

  18. ngori me humasttervate daily
    ngori me humasttervate daily ntaachaje

    1. You need to start by getting
      You need to start by getting ride of all pornographic material in your possession. You also need to believe that you can be able to stop. You then need to reduce the number of times you masturbate systematically until you are able to stop completely. You need to be patient as this may take a while before you are able to stop completely. Read this article and get more information https://lovematters.co.ke/news/cant-stop-masturbating .

  19. In deed it’s not gud but most
    In deed it’s not gud but most times difficult to control wen u fill lyk doin it

    1. Thanks Johs for your input.
      Thanks Johs for your input.

  20. this thin is bader than worst
    this thin is bader than worst if u neva don it shud neva try it

    1. Hi, why do you say that, did
      Hi, why do you say that, did you have a bad experience? kindly share with us.

  21. what are the effects of it.?
    what are the effects of it.?

    1. There are no negative effects
      There are no negative effects to masturbation. It could be addictive but in very rare cases. Scientifically it is a healthy part of ones sex life.

  22. Will marring stop this
    Will marring stop this behavior? Cause most of this youths are not married

    1. Hi Jemo, Stopping
      Hi Jemo, Stopping masturbation is about making a decision to stop. There are many married people who masturbate, therefore getting married is not what gets one to stop masturbating.

  23. I think masturbation is
    I think masturbation is lifestyle person develops childhood.. n it can continue even getting married…. It’s a matter of changing lifestyle as its a lifestyle habit.I don’t believe dat I masturbate when I have abeautyfull lady near by my side…unless am emotionally sick.

    1. Hi Abdi, masturbation is more
      Hi Abdi, masturbation is more of a choice than a lifestyle. one makes the decision to masturbate or not. Having a beautiful lady does not mean one cannot masturbate.

  24. Ur article is so helpful,i
    Ur article is so helpful,i also suffered the same while in hyskul,it ws so embarassing,bt i never suffered any harm 4rm it,kuacha ndio kibarua,bt as u ve said,addiction is the worst xperience,avoid over musterbating..

    1. Hi Jeymo, thanks for your
      Hi Jeymo, thanks for your input.

  25. I heard long term
    I heard long term masturbation causes infertility because the penis can’t throw or pump the sperm directly to ovary. is this true or false?

    1. Hi Adan, that is just a myth,
      Hi Adan, that is just a myth, masturbation does not cause infertility.

  26. t was one evening , was jst
    t was one evening , was jst resting in my bed then suddenly my thoughts jst memorised how i was playing sex previous day….i felt so good in those memories, erection was so strong then i started turning around my waist azf was playing sex..i continued to feel so good.asn feelin real goodness, then one thought came into my my minds lyk u touch ur D**k…
    immediately i did.then i started rubbin my foreskin as i was turning tha waist..
    i did that for jst lyk 1minute then sperms came out…i really felt good en vry tired.
    that was my first time to musturbate but since then i hve never stopped .t started as a joke but i see ts goin beyond…i try to quit but things r not commin out.

    1. Hi, thanks for sharing your
      Hi, thanks for sharing your story. If you want to stop, You need to start by getting ride of all pornographic material in your possession. You also need to believe that you can be able to stop. You then need to reduce the number of times you masturbate systematically until you are able to stop completely. You need to be patient as this may take a while before you are able to stop completely

  27. It’s abig problem 4mi 2
    It’s abig problem 4mi 2

    1. Hi Alex, how is it a problem
      Hi Alex, how is it a problem to you.

  28. i ave a frnd of mine n he
    i ave a frnd of mine n he told me once he does it,he feel lyk some tiny things are moving in his body…he is now 25yrs n he started at the age of 15yrs…he feels lyk he has some kind of infection n it is frm thz thing(he has neva done sex wid galz)

    1. Hi, masturbation does not
      Hi, masturbation does not cause any form of infection, especially for men, that is just a myth. In any case its among the safest forms of sex.

  29. hi am six months pregnant and
    hi am six months pregnant and i musterbt ‘ cn it harm my baby?

    1. Hi Millicent no, masturbation
      Hi Millicent no, masturbation cannot hurt the baby.

  30. Is there any problem wen one
    Is there any problem wen one uses soap for lubrication during masturbation?

    1. There is no problem with that
      There is no problem with that Edu.

  31. For me to stop dis habbit is
    For me to stop dis habbit is still a problem.even if i have some one inside my room,if find it simple to mst’bte at times i promise my self not to do it but all hve failed.

    1. Hi Tk, there are some easy
      Hi Tk, there are some easy steps you can use to stop. You need to start by getting ride of all pornographic material in your possession. You also need to believe that you can be able to stop. You then need to reduce the number of times you masturbate systematically until you are able to stop completely. You need to be patient as this may take a while before you are able to stop completely.

  32. i cnt tel coz its lng stry
    i cnt tel coz its lng stry fcts is i do it, av tried to stop it bt if i do it gain it bcmes so wrse tn b4 its betha doin it daily thn stpin 4 smetimes bt i wnt to stp it cmplit wdout any difficulties, shw me pliz hw?

    1. Hi, Hillary, thank you for
      Hi, Hillary, thank you for taking time to write to us. You need to start by getting ride of all pornographic material in your possession. You also need to believe that you can be able to stop. You then need to reduce the number of times you masturbate systematically until you are able to stop completely. You need to be patient as this may take a while before you are able to stop completely. All the best.

  33. Some stories are just hard to
    Some stories are just hard to share publicly but they are worth it…. This one is educative buddy, great to realize you over it!

    1. Hi Elijah, thank you for your
      Hi Elijah, thank you for your support.

  34. Am also addctd. One side
    Am also addctd. One side effect i think is wen u cme to bed u hv low esteem

    1. Hi Jemo, why do you think you
      Hi Jemo, why do you think you are addicted. How many times a day do you do it. Does it prevent you from doing your daily duties? Why do you have low self esteem? Do you feel guilty after masturbation.

  35. I am addited wit masturbaton
    I am addited wit masturbaton want should i do plz advise mi.

    1. Hi Jackson, why do you think
      Hi Jackson, why do you think you are addicted? How many times do you do it in a day? Does it prevent you from performing your daily duties?

  36. I have been doing it almost
    I have been doing it almost every day and want to stop but the more I tried the more I still do it.Guide me on how to stop it cause any time I do it then I feel like I lose the love for my girl cause I feel relieved after doing it

    1. Hi Kk thanks for writing to
      Hi Kk thanks for writing to us. You need to start by getting ride of all pornographic material in your possession. You also need to believe that you can be able to stop. You then need to reduce the number of times you masturbate systematically until you are able to stop completely. You need to be patient as this may take a while before you are able to stop completely.

  37. I am a victim for so many
    I am a victim for so many years.it started when I wz 15, en before I could realise it now I CNT do without it, am single en since I don’t want to jump from different guyz in search of my Mr right I prefer to masturbate still when I HV sex am never satisfied without a masturbation immediately after d game. I know I might b hvng a problem but its worth it rather than living with fear of all the S.T S’S things.

    1. Thanks puppy for sharing your
      Thanks puppy for sharing your story. You might want to tell your partners what you prefer it might help them be to satisfy you.

  38. i started at the age of 16
    i started at the age of 16 and realised the sweetness
    i’m now 23 but still i can’t get rid of it though i gat some girlfriends
    i dont really know why

  39. am also a victim but i cant
    am also a victim but i cant stop..
    coz it helps me forget about the pain of life…

    1. You are not a victim, you are
      You are not a victim, you are just a person who enjoys their sexual freedom.

  40. honestly I don’t advise any
    honestly I don’t advise any one to do t since I have a negative attitude over t though I have hard nd seen my mates do t.thanks#love matters

    1. Thank you Wilber for your
      Thank you Wilber for your input.

  41. What is masturbation? Doctor
    What is masturbation? Doctor love please answer me.

    1. Hi Lee, masturbation is
      Hi Lee, masturbation is giving yourself sexual pleasure. When you masturbate, you touch and caress yourself to give yourself sexual pleasure. Often you do this until you’re fully aroused and have an orgasm.

      Masturbating makes you sexually aroused. There are lots of ways to do it.

      Women usually do it by rubbing their clitoris and vagina with their fingers. And men do it by rubbing their penis up and down. But you can try anything you like. For example, you can arouse yourself by touching your nipples or your anus.

      You can also arouse yourself by fantasizing about sexual images or stories. You can fantasies about whatever you like – nothing is weird in a fantasy.

    2. me too i need to no what z
      me too i need to no what z masturbation

  42. hey luv matters… Hv got a
    hey luv matters… Hv got a prblm dfrnt 4rm masterbtn topic

    1. What’s the problem Sula?
      What’s the problem Sula?

  43. plz elp m i wana to leave t
    plz elp m i wana to leave t

    1. Hi, if you want to stop
      Hi, if you want to stop masturbation you need to start by getting ride of all pornographic material in your possession. You also need to believe that you can be able to stop. You then need to reduce the number of times you masturbate systematically until you are able to stop completely. You need to be patient as this may take a while before you are able to stop completely.

  44. ae.. luv matters am also a
    ae.. luv matters am also a victim en thnkx for da advice op very soon am going to make a difference…. to reduce regular masturbation….coz it s lyk an illness to me

    1. Hi Makame, you are not a
      Hi Makame, you are not a victim and masturbation is not a disease. Good to hear the article was helpful.

  45. I have been masturbating for
    I have been masturbating for over one and a half decades since my early teens. I do it a lot. Many would consider it an addiction but to me its a choice to do it anytime and as many times as i want to without regret. I have no problem attracting women so sex is not an issue. i just enjoy it so much and i make this known to all women i date or flirt with so that there are no illusions as to why i do it and wont stop before hand. This is what Tarun should have done as is what i did with my current girlfriend and others before her. People should be proud of masturbating as they are sleeping with multiple partners or going at it several times a day. At the end of the day the end result is sexual pleasure and gratification and that should be achieved how ever one desires with no apologies whatsoever. So all these people complaining that they are addicted and need intervention to stop, stop kidding yourselves. What you need to do is take control of your situation by creating the right attitude and perception as to why you enjoy spanking your monkey and that will give you the correct balance and moderation you need. Otherwise do your duty to your partner and take care of your responsibilities. The rest of the time, lie down and relax and beat the hell out of that meat not because you are lonely or sex starved or stressed but because you can and you enjoy it. And because its something you do in private, unless you’re an exhibitionist, nobody will judge you (Except the ceiling cat). When you (and your partner) embrace the right zero judgmental attitude towards masturbation, you open your minds to sexual freedoms that enable you to understand yourselves and each other so much that your sex lives will be lived on a heroine level of high that regular conservative people don’t get to enjoy. The power to enjoy yourselves is in your ‘hands’ lol.

    1. Thanks Mr Slither for sharing
      Thanks Mr Slither for sharing your story with us and for the thoughtful input.

  46. AM STILL A VICTIM ADDICTED BT
    AM STILL A VICTIM ADDICTED BT NOT TO A POINT OF DOING WHILE HAVE A VAGINA NEAR ME I FEEL IT COMPLICATIN TO BORROW DEM HELP

  47. av never did this can u
    av never did this can u advice me to?

  48. i want to stop this what to
    i want to stop this what to do

  49. Gudaftnoon doc love.If u ave
    Gudaftnoon doc love.If u ave a friend klose to u,wuld advice d such person to masturbate…

    1. Hi Kimberly,

      Hi Kimberly,

      Masturbation is about self exploration and getting to find out what one enjoys and therefore its a personal choice. There is nothing wrong with suggesting it to a friend.

  50. am a virgin but i ve enrolld
    am a virgin but i ve enrolld my self in masturbation..am i still a virgin or not ??

  51. Thanx 4 dat luv doc. I wont
    Thanx 4 dat luv doc. I wont say I’m a victim but I’m totally addicted to it. I always feel inferior and guilty to myself after masterbating and, as u can imagine, I’m aged 20 but I’ve failed to get a sex partner b’se I feel self pleasure is enough! Won’t this ruin my social life? I’m realy scared.

  52. I do it once in a while, and
    I do it once in a while, and I Love it

    1. Thanks for sharing that with
      Thanks for sharing that with us.

  53. i love this page…keep it up
    i love this page…keep it up

  54. hae guys who are believing
    hae guys who are believing that wen u mastabate u cant hav large numbers of sperms,the thing here i can tel u for sure is if u want to get someone pregnant,dont mastabate in three days before having sex with her,that will help to pump further with pressure and sperms wil hav been produced in large numbers,i hav mastabated for many in years and read so many articles that i came to understand how to control things,but mastabation is not that bad just get to know urself and try to control ur body step by step,everything wil be fine

    1. (No subject)
      Thank you Jackson for sharing your thoughts with us. One key tip to getting pregnant is having sex more often which increases the chance one partner getting pregnant. Also, if a persons sexual organs are healthy then they really would not need to wait for days before having since the body is constantly producing sperms. Check out the following article for more information:-

      https://lovematters.co.ke/pregnancy/before-pregnancy/getting-pregnant-dos-and-donts

  55. is there any side effect in…
    is there any side effect in masturbating?

    1. (No subject)
      Hey Id,

      Masturbation has no medical effect. It maybe be an issue if one overdoes it so that their organs are sore or they end up missing out or not concentrating at work or at school. It can be a safe and great way to explore once sexuality.

  56. I mustabate thrice a week,…
    I mustabate thrice a week, for now eight years…I hope it’s not awkward!

    1. Hi Anonymous, thank you for…

      Hi Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us and sharing. As we told Musalia, Masturbation isn’t unhealthy or bad for you at all. Masturbation can actually be good for your health, both mentally and physically. And it’s pretty much the safest sex out there — there’s no risk of getting pregnant or getting an STD. As long as it does not affect your day to day activities, you should be fine buddy! And it isn’t awkward, unless you find it is 🙂 

  57. I’ve mustabated for eight…
    I’ve mustabated for eight good years to date, I hope I’m just okay!

  58. Hi Musalia, thank you for…

    Hi Musalia, thank you for reaching out to us and thank you for sharing. Masturbation isn’t unhealthy or bad for you at all. Masturbation can actually be good for your health, both mentally and physically. And it’s pretty much the safest sex out there — there’s no risk of getting pregnant or getting an STD. As long as it does not affect your day to day activities, you should be fine buddy!

  59. Hi? Regarding the topic, can…
    Hi? Regarding the topic, can the habit of masturbation lead to poor sexual performance. I do masterbate either atleast two or three times a week but I realized I underperform in the act with my lady unless I use the blue peel!!

    1. Hi Moses, thank you for…

      Hi Moses, thank you for reaching out to us with this question. Masturbation can reduce penile sensitivity and cause a person to last longer in bed. If this blue pill was not prescribed by a doctor we strongly suggest you stop and seek medical attention as soon as you can for a proper diagnosis and advice on the way forward.

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