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Fake it till you make it?

By Jess Friday, February 16, 2018 - 06:00
'If you aren’t aware that like all women fake orgasms at some point, you’re clueless,' I said to Mark rolling my eyes at his male ignorance.

Clueless sex gods

I was tired of having this conversation so often. Mark was my best friend, and I felt that it was my obligation to give him a few pointers on women, but the experience was always exhausting.
It was a constant reminder of the other, equally oblivious men I had had to deal with in my sex life.

I mean, how were grown-up men in their mid-thirties still completely clueless about the clitoris? Where it is, how not to attack it with overzealous vigor? It’s all a very tiring experience. Then, on top of that trauma caused by unsatisfying sexual experiences, as a woman, I still had the burden of feigning pleasure to protect these same men’s extremely fragile egos.

How were they going to learn when they were under the illusion that they were sex gods?

Also, who in the world had told me this was a thing expected of women? Strange behaviours I needed to unlearn…

Everything can be faked

'Okay, I know women fake it sometimes, but there are certain things that can’t be faked.' Mark replied still so sure of himself.

'Everything can be faked, trust me. The sooner you understand and address this, the better your sex life will be.'

'You can fake the screaming, but you can’t fake shaking legs!'

Why was he so sure? Women must have been doing an excellent job of acting out extreme pleasure in this man’s presence.

'oh my goodness, I have faked full body tremors and inability to walk. Do you seriously believe that most of the women you’ve had sex with orgasm each time?'

See this need for guys to have constant affirmation of their sexual prowess? In spite of clear areas of improvement is what drives this terrible culture.

Orgasm resolution: a revolution?

Here’s what I think about this whole situation: I’m calling it my 'New Orgasm Resolution'.
Openness and honest communication are required between any future sexual partners and I. I came to this resolution as I was lying under one of the said sexual partners, looking at the roof or my bedroom, terribly uncomfortable and trying to manoeuvre his heavy weight off of me. How was he not aware that I wasn’t enjoying this at all?

'Do you like that, baby?' he grunted.

'Sure,' I responded with a contrived moan.

What? Why would I tell such an unnecessary lie? Essentially it was my fault that this was happening right now.
The women who came before me were to blame as well. Our false feedback had created this man who had no idea how to handle a female body. His next woman, after me, would then have to suffer through this torture.

I decided then that I owed it to my fellow females and the human race as a whole to play my part in putting an end to this dishonesty.

Besides, when both parties are receiving pleasure from sex, everyone enjoys it more. And I had had enough faked enough orgasms in my short sex life; it was time to start pursuing real ones.

'Actually, I don’t like that. Could we try something else, please?'


Are you ready to make an orgasm resolution? Leave a comment below or tell us about your experience on Facebook.

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