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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Foreplay: turning up the heat

Foreplay is everything that gets you in the mood for sexual intercourse… Kissing is foreplay. Flirting and intimate conversations are foreplay.

So is oral sex. Touching, hugging, playing games – almost everything that's sexual, except for penetrative sex, can be described as foreplay.

In fact, the word 'foreplay' is misleading, because it suggests that sexual intercourse is the main dish on the menu and the build-up is just the starter.

Not true! Foreplay is sex. You can enjoy it on its own, and it doesn't have to lead to intercourse. Foreplay is equally important as intercourse, and sometimes even more so. Women don't usually enjoy sexual intercourse without some foreplay first. It also makes it much more enjoyable for men.

Almost anything you do with your partner that feels sexy is a kind of foreplay, but here are some of the most common ones.

Talking sexy

Flirting can be very sexy, and it doesn't have to lead to anything. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't still flirt with your partner, and take it further by talking while you're kissing and touching each other. Tell them what you like, what you want them to do, what you'd like to do to them. Use your imagination! Language can build intimacy as much as touch.

Undressing

Don't be in a hurry to get naked. Undressing in front of your partner can be a big turn-on for both of you – the slower the better. Or enjoy taking your partner's clothes off and showing them how much you love their body.

Touching and caressing

You can enjoy the feeling of your partner's body, whether or not you've got your clothes on. Take it slowly and make it playful.

Finding the sensitive spots

Explore your partner's body, and not just the obvious places. Everyone's different, so you can enjoy finding out what works for your partner as you touch and kiss your way around their body. Some people have very sensitive ears; others love it when you kiss their neck or their toes.

Kissing all over

Kissing on the mouth isn't the only kind of kissing. Try kissing your partner all over their body, and even nibbling them gently.

Playing games

There are all sorts of games you can play to turn up the heat in the bedroom. These games can start much earlier, as you tease your partner with the anticipation of what's coming later. Or try exchanging some sexy texts during the day. You could try blindfolding your partner and taking control – or the other way around. Or think of a card game you could play, and make a rule that the loser has to take off an item of clothing.

Cuddling

Making love is not the same as cuddling. When you cuddle someone, it doesn't have to be about sex. Everyone needs a cuddle sometimes to feel happy.

Cuddling is about warmth and affection. Making love is about sexual arousal and pleasure. A relationship should have space for both sex and cuddles.

Did you learn something new?

Comments

Yes you can Peace. Take time and learn as much as you can about sex. After you get married and begin to have sex, it will be a time of self discovery for both of you as individuals, but you will also get to discover each other. Keep your communication open and honest, keep talking about sex which plays an important role in improving the experience for both partners. Have a look at the following articles for more information;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-what-makes-it-good

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

Tessie
Wed, 02/20/2019 - 05:49 pm
I enjoy foreplay more as a girl but my partner does it for a very short time. How do I get him to appreciate foreplay as an important part of sex?

Hey Tessie, taking about sex helps to improve the experience for both partners. You need to talk with your partner about what you like during sex, let him know you enjoy a longer session of foreplay. Do also have him tell what he likes and then find a middle ground that you both like. Check out this article for tips on talking about sex;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

my bf does not like foreplay. I like a long session of kissing cuddling caressing and all but he wants a short session then sex which also does not last. How can I get him like foreplay more?

Hi Wendy, have you tried to talk about it with your boyfriend including what exactly he doesn't like? It is important to talk about sex since this will help improve the experience for both partners. Your partner needs to know what you like and want during sex and the importance of foreplay during sex. You can then agree on a middle ground that you both are happy with. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/repulsed-by-foreplay

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

Hi Nick, breast can become sensitive for a number of reasons including hormonal changes as a result of periods afew days before periods starts, it could also be a sign of pregnancy, side effects of hormonal birth control, when one is sexually aroused, while in some cases it could be an underlying medical issue. It is important to determine what could be causing the pain and find a solution. Remember, some of these causes are only seasonal. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/breasts

Hey Michael, has your girlfriend told you why she doesn't like it? There are lots of things you can do during foreplay which may include hugging, caressing other body parts other then breast, kissing all over among others. It all depends with what you both enjoy and like, what turns you on. Talking about it may help including showing each other what you want and how you want it. Have a look at the following articles for more tips;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/foreplay-turning-up-the-heat

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/foreplay-dos-and-donts

Hi Amos, this means you get too excited during sex that you end up ejaculating too soon. This is known as premature ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. There are a few things he can do to overcome this;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

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