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Cheating and infidelity

Cheating means breaking the rules you have agreed on in a committed relationship. Usually cheating refers to sexual infidelity or adultery.

If you're making out or having sex with someone outside of your committed relationship, it means you’re cheating on your partner.

Cheating doesn’t always have to be sexual. Sometimes cheating is on an emotional level. When someone shares intimate thoughts with a person who’s not their partner, it’s called emotional cheating.

Cheating of any form can cause a lot of sorrow in relationships and can even lead to break-up or divorce.

Find out more about cheating in our Cheating: top five facts.

Why do people cheat?

There are many reasons why people cheat on their partners. You might cheat if you don’t love your partner any more, if sex isn’t satisfying, if your partner has cheated on you in the past, or if you feel neglected or under-appreciated.

Lying to your partner about your affairs can be a stop-gap arrangement, but it’s very likely that sooner or later your partner will discover the truth. If you feel guilty about having cheated and don't want to end your relationship, confessing might be an option. You could also keep quiet about what happened, although the lack of honesty could put a strain on your relationship.

If you've cheated and decided you want to end it with your partner, there are two options – to confess your behaviour and say goodbye or to hide your infidelity and say you want to break up for other reasons.

Is your partner cheating on you?

If you know your partner well and have had a close, long-term relationship, you can often tell when something’s not right. You might notice that they’ve begun spending a lot more time at work, they have less time for you and your family, start taking calls in private, and seem less committed to doing things with you. Maybe they're paying attention to their looks, and they appear confused and detached. When you ask them if anything's wrong, they shrug off your question.

Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damage the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation, or divorce. You might spend days, weeks, or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened.

But don't blame yourself – take some time to calm down and think about your relationship.

Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship?

The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take.

Did you learn something new?

Sun, 03/29/2015 - 10:18 am
hi,have been dating a guy for quite sometime,i payed a visit and what i saw was pairs of shoes and some clothes which belonged to a lady,i assumed and on the next visit i found more shoes and clothes...i asked a friend whom they stay together and he told me that the guy that i was dating had another chic...i payed a visit yesterday and i found him with a chic..the same chic who had been told about,the owner of the shoes and clothes,pliz advise me on what to do...
Shannice, the guy is cheating on you! It's up to you to decide now what you want to do- do you want to stay with this guy who isn't honest with you and can't even be bothered to hide is other girlfriend's stuff when you are around, or do you want to be with a guy and be the only woman in his life? Regardless of what you decide, you should talk to him and see what he has to say for himself.
I hv ag.f shi s stl studying while am working I normally cal ha to request to meet wid mh shi insist dat shi insisted she s fearing ha parent am confused I fl cheated wad shl I do
Sun, 05/03/2015 - 04:50 pm
hi was in relationship bt it never worked becoz the lady never respected me and she used to insult me and finally she threatened to kill me with a knife ,thn I decided to leave her ..now am in love with another lady ,and we had a child with that lady.can I tell her everything coz she want to knw about my past...do I tell her everything or I Wait for our relationship to grow thn I confess later?
Alfred, good for you that you left! Whether you tell her now or not it up to you. Do you feel the time is right? If you do, go ahead. If you think it would be better to wait a little longer, wait. You will find the right time!
Therez this guy am dating for a year n started suspected that he hd a side chick after seeing several love texts frm another gal of whom he claimed she was his frd i took her contact n the gal told me that my guy was his later on the guy admitted that they were lovers b4 n he loves both of us.
Hv dated this man 4 13months only on realizing that he had bin cheating me with his ex girlfriend.wen I asked at first,he got mad at me n left so he was seeing me n later to her place n lie to me that he was goin to see his mom the area place to other gal.wen i asked who he loves most he said he loved both of us I got mad n decided to quit the relationship but he couldn't let go of me of which he decide to leave his ex gal n stay with me once again he called the gal n told her that he truly loves me.he asked for my forgiveness but am NT decided still confused on whether to forgive him or quit the relationship.I fear they might get back together since they stay one area.plz advice
after being cheated ,can xoumone b in the came position ad feelings in terms of love width the came person ad how long does it take?
Jacky, there is no time frame for this. Sometimes it can work, for other couples it won't. It will be difficult, and both of you have to work on it together, if you want to stand a chance. Good luck.
I have dated this guy for 2yrs n a half,he later married mi,it has been a yr now i have a daughter,tha problm he actd suspicious for a while until i was tempted to chek his phone only to find disgustin txts wit diffrnt women...when i askd him...he said it was just chatting...it is not the first time he always apologises n begs mi not to leav him n says he wil nt repeat...am afraid it wil happn agen n am afraid he doesn't only chat bur do the actions too....wat do i do?am givin up alrdy
Monic, have you had another talk with him to make him understand what his behavior does to you, and that you are thinking about leaving? Talk to him. See what he says, and don't let him take this too lightly.
Thu, 06/25/2015 - 10:44 pm
Hi,i have a girlfriend who i love and she love me too.but she insists we should not have sex untill marriage.while i believe sex is not the only thing that bind a relationship.But i am afraid because she is in her 2nd year of study while i have finished.This means we will be apart most of the time.will this be a wise decision to grant her her wish and wait untill marriage??..i have seen some of friends who have tried that idea but they end up losing their girlfriends to someonelse.will i be a victim of the same?.should i quit?...should i hope for the best and wait?
hi! im dating a guy 4 6months now, and after a month wh i pay my first visit to him, i realise tht he is th father of my nephew, he was dating my cousin 7year ago (he is having a kid wth my cousin) he told me th first day i hv introducing myslf to him he was not wnt to tell me tht he ws dating my cousin because he loves me and he dont want to lose me, i love him too and i dnt wann lose him als. do u think this will be fine to both of us? since my cousin has moved on wth another man 4 years now?
Villa, It could work out but also, maybe not. We don't know your family and your cousin, so while she may be over him, there might still be hard feelings. Have you considered talking to your cousin?
Wed, 08/26/2015 - 05:45 pm
I hv agalfrnd ad i realy luve her ad we eva hd sex bt she kips talkng 2 oza gayz wen wi r slipping moreover i 4ill bad iz sh chittng on me
Sat, 09/19/2015 - 02:10 pm
hae have been dating for 2yrs n I don't trust Mah man I think he's cheating on me coz he keep hiding da phone away from me n only keeps it in silent mode n whenever a Lady call when we r together he does not pick it up bt instead hides it away we talked together n I av shared Mah opinion with him bt he only tells me to stop doubting him n how long will I doubt him I love him n he loves me wat can I do: n iz it wrong to tell ua boyf dat u want to quit a rtship
hi love,i had a b.f whom we broke up...recently anatha guy is after me and evry time he call or txts he wants me go sleep over his place..also he watsups me his private parts pics n ask me the same bt i refuse since even we have never met..he claims to lov me dearly....is thz really true??
hi love,i had a b.f whom we broke up...recently anatha guy is after me and evry time he call or txts he wants me go sleep over his place..also he watsups me his private parts pics n ask me the same bt i refuse since even we have never met..he claims to lov me dearly....is thz really true??
Vian, He may think he loves you, but seeing that you don't really seem to have a functional relationship yet, you don't have to feel obliged to anything. If you don't want to sleep with him yet, that's fine. If you don't want to send him sexy pictures- tell him. If it bothers you that he does- tell him.
Dee Dee
Thu, 10/22/2015 - 12:07 pm
Hi i have been in a relationship with this guy for 3year bt he has changed he make empty promise wben he say he will call he does'nt or even come to check up on me and i dnt want to loose him wht must i do. 5yWiU
Wed, 10/28/2015 - 06:24 pm
I have been dating this guy 4 2mnths now n he doesn't kiss or have sexual attention in me.he doesn't even say am smart.always talks abt his X galfriends n always twists my questions.always late 4 every date we plan or he fails.does he luv me or he is just shy to say we break up
Wed, 12/23/2015 - 01:04 pm
I have a girlfriend that I love so much, one day she told me to help her to block someone on her Facebook friend list, and I did what she want! So I have her Facebook account and password with me. So I now discovered that she dates 90% of guys on her friends list! I asked her about it but she denied, and said she's just flattering them. But she goes to their house for visit, I opened another Facebook account because of her, and she accept to date me, but she did not know I'm the one. Pls what can I do because I still love her.
Hi, Firstly checking her fb account is wrong. Love relies on the principle of trust. Just trust what she said that she is just flattering those guys.
Hi Adebayo, trust is very important in every relationship and without it it becomes difficult to function. If you do not trust her you need to evaluate the relationship and decide what you want. Stalking her using a different account will only add to your pain. You already know the truth about her the only thing that is left is for you to decide if you want to be in such a relationship.
Abdulnasir khurana(enaaze)
Mon, 01/11/2016 - 03:51 am
hi,I met a lady one day in a tuition class,I feel for her we came to know each other as a friend ,when I tried to sacrifice my love for her she answered me she is not ready for me because she has already took me like her brother ,I didn't accept it and continued telling her that I love her, but she blocked me in WhatsApp and switched off her phone for four months,after she switched on ,I tried to call her and text her in different ways but she was not replying my texts or respond my calls either. when I saw this is becoming too much and I don't want to lose her because she was my best friend that I had in my life time ,i agree to gave up and have her like my own sister, after some months I had that she want to get married, I tried calling and texting her to congratulate for her wedďing ,but she didn't respond my calls or text me back,lastly she texted me (wait I will call you) and up to now she didn't call me.......now what should I have to do more than this? it is killing me
Sun, 04/17/2016 - 12:35 pm
Hi im in love with this girl dt i trusted so much not knowing she ws flirting on facebook n whats app. I asked her buh she denied it cos she thought i ve no evidence. I felt bad cos i know what im saying and cos i love her n just want her to stop cheating n flirting,,i provided her wit alot of evidence dt shows shes been lyin, cheating, flirting and deceiving me. Now she is sorry n agreed to stay off fbk whats app. She deleted all d social networking apps on her phone. Even changed her sim card yet she still make some moves lm nt comfortable wit. Now our problem is dt i dont trust, believe or agree on anything she says or do cos i ve lost all dt in her. Now we quarrel everyday cos im bein over protective for her not to deceive or fool me again. I still love dis woman sincerly buh i feel my heart is at risk with her yet my greatest risk n fear now is to let her go even though she make me feel pain everyday. My question is what should i do for us to ve peace cos breaking up is not an option to me?
Hi Collins, you seem to be in a very difficult situation. Trust in relationship is very important. Without trust its difficult for a relationship to work. She needs to work toward building the trust back because if you can't trust her the relationship won't work. Check out this article https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/relationship-problems .
I have been I a r/shop 4 almost one yr now I trusted my partner soo much and he also trusts me ..a month a go he hv changed how he talked and his behavior too ... I asked him if he had an affair outside and he was lyk nop so one day he was going to take a shower so he switched off his 4n coz I was there .this drove me to checking the 4n en I was shocked coz the conversation on WhatsApp with around 4 gals en this broke my trust don't now if I will trust him anymore I do love him soo much en he says he loves me. we talked abt this issue en he said nothing going on they don't meet they just talk so I should relax. This thing its affecting me daily coz I rarely eat , I cry a lot coz I wonder wat I dd or wat don't I give him..He usd not to be lyk this so am confused wat to do.I ask him if we should break up ,or if he needed tym alone en he said I should stop ...His parents knows me en loves me a lot ... wat will I do please help
Hi Pat, sorry that yo are in this situation. Trust is very important in any relationship to work. Yo need to take time to think about what you want. if yo feel yo can learn to trust him again then you should work at it. But if you feel that trusting him is not possible then you really need to consider about breaking up.
Tue, 07/12/2016 - 06:36 am
This guy proposed to me and i fell in love wit him since the first day. He is everythin i want. But he is always being bothered by otuers girls. And he doesnt seem to mind. Girls even beg him to sleep wit them. He is almost lik a womanizer. But i love him soooo much. Wat can i do pls. Am goin crazy
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