Two hands on the verge of separation
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to break up

If you’re the one who wants to break up with your partner, delivering the message can be tough.

But when your relationship has sunk to unhealthy depths, there might be no option but to call it quits.

Here are some tips to help you:

Do your homework.

Know the reasons why you’re breaking up, because if your partner isn’t expecting this piece of bad news from you, you’ll end up doing a lot of explaining. So it’s good to go well-prepared. It also gives you an opportunity to reflect on your thoughts and see if a break up is what you really, really want.

Do it in person.

Do not break up over email, SMS, or telephone, unless the situation demands it. Meeting someone for the last time before the relationship ends can offer a good way of closure, which is psychologically important to move on.

Do it in a place that’s comfortable for your partner.

A crowded restaurant with a lot of strangers around might be intimidating. Pick a place that makes them feel safe enough to express their emotions.

Be honest.

Don’t lie to your partner when you’re about to end the relationship. Tell them exactly what you felt was wrong in the relationship. This might be harsh on them but equally important for them to learn. At least they’d know where it all went wrong.

Don’t be cruel.

Break ups are terrible any way. So don’t go out of your way to make it more hurtful. Remember that you were once in love with this person. Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be vindictive and cruel. Try to deliver your truthful words in a nice package.

Don’t be ambiguous.

Don’t leave your partner in doubt. If you don’t mean it, don’t tell them something like, 'it’s not working out now, but it might work out another time.' That would wrongly make them hopeful.

Be prepared for the worst reaction.

Being dumped is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. So don’t be surprised if your partner starts shouting or cries or argues or just storms out on you. Be calm.

Don’t waver.

Once you’ve made up your mind about breaking up, don’t change it. Your partner might convince you to give it 'one last chance' but unless there’s any real reason why you should buy that argument, don’t fall for it. Stick to your guns.

You will find more tips under Breaking up: do's and don'ts.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
I saw a girl on my way then I greet her from their we start Talking she ask me were I am living then answer her I am living in Victoria island she like living that place then I say ohw she like she say yes then she exchange contact she call the next day I answer her she say she will visit me then I say OK she is welcome at anytime,
Anonymous
Sat, 07/29/2017 - 08:45 am
Really making up a relationship is easy bit breaking up, I really don't know how even to start it up.
Hi James, Breaking up can be tough depending on the reasons for breaking up or the duration you have been together but at times a relationship may not be working or there might be no hope to save it and the only option is to break up however tough.
Anonymous
Sun, 08/20/2017 - 12:46 am
It's quite nice, but sometimes people are crazy about love, even now days I got a new lady who deceives me that is single but is a two married mother, what can I do to her, I told her that I no longer need you but refused to understand
Hey Deus, You need to be clear and firm with her, she needs to know you are breaking up since she lied from the beginning. This is not about what she wants now that she lied about her relationship status. Be clear, be firm but not cruel.
Anonymous
Sat, 09/30/2017 - 11:48 pm
very true,what abt if you ave been in a relationship with your partner for 2yrs end dhen u realise later that he has another relationship but insisting being with u,utafanyaje??
Hey Damacline, First, he cheated on you and you need to find out if he is done with he other person/relationship and whether he is now choosing to commit to you. More importantly are you willing to forgive him and trust him again... Think about it and make an informed choice.
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