Addicted to cybersex
A pastime activity – online sex – turned into an addiction for Ken. The lines between cyberworld and reality took a toll on his mental health and relationships.
‘I’m your typical, middle-class, nose-in-my-books, staying-away-from-home-on-a-tight-budget student. So it wasn’t like girls were lining outside my door. On a particular lonesome Friday night, my friends were out being their age: hooking up, drinking and dancing. And there I was, staring mindlessly at my computer screen.
‘On a whim, I clicked “yes” on pop-up request that led to a chat room. I started chatting with Nina and we hit it off instantly. We began getting to know each other, general stuff like the kind of food, music, and movies we liked.’
‘After a few “online dates” Nina suggested taking our relationship to the next level, where we could express how we’d want to pleasure each other. I was surprised but once she took the lead describing how she’d like to get intimate with me, I began visualising and was getting turned on.
‘Then I told her how I’d like to pleasure her and once we were done, I realised that I had been chatting the whole night and it was time to get ready for class. But I didn’t want it to end, so I bunked class and continued to chat, after all, this seemingly hot girl was interested in me!
‘We went at it all day, creating scenarios of how’d we meet, make out, have sex and eventually, I started masturbating. Soon I was getting requests from other girls and in a month’s time, I had nine online sexual partners.
‘By this time I had missed almost three weeks of class and I had stopped meeting my friends and even calling up my folks. How could I explain my new found interest? No one would understand.’
In need of help
‘I spent all my waking hours online, having virtual sex with these easy-to-please women and only took time out for food and the washroom breaks.
To these women, it didn’t matter if I wasn’t rich or a hunk. I felt God-like – these ladies were at my fingertips, literally, ready to please me!
‘I stopped going out completely unless it was extremely important. But even for that short while, I’d feel anxious and restless. I would breathe a sigh of relief as soon as my fingers touched the keys and I was alone in my sexual bliss. However, deep down I knew I was lost and depressed. All I needed was someone to help me.
‘Thankfully my best friend Suman took it on him to find out what was going on with me. I hesitated at first but I broke down and told him everything. Suman didn’t judge or pretend to understand. He just said “You’re obviously addicted and need support. Let’s do some research and find out who can help. But are you sure this is what you want?”‘
Back to ‘reality’
‘I nodded vigorously in agreement not realising the next few months of therapy would be challenging. I deactivated my profile from all chat rooms and deleted my entire browser history.
‘Now I only use the computer for work and for staying in touch with family and friends. I still get tempted but when I feel the urge, I go for a walk, chat with a friend or just go to the library. Most importantly, I’m living my life and not hiding behind a screen!’
Do you think cybersex addiction is a serious problem? What would you do if you found your friend is addicted to cybersex? Share your views with us, today, here or on Love Matters Naija or Kenya.