Risky thrills of secret sexting

Risky thrills of secret sexting

‘Sexting is fun,’ says Ruth, a self-confessed serial sexter. She’s had a long-distance lover for a while and says sexy SMS exchanges keep her relationship buzzing.

But she draws the line at sending spicy photos – you never know where they might end up.

‘It’s exciting that you can be “texting dirty” to someone while in a room full of friends and no one will know why your phone is going mad beeping every two seconds.’


‘I have friends who sext boys that they are flirting with, people they are interested in but don’t really know very well, or even some hot guy they met at a party. And I think as long as it’s fun and exciting it’s cool.’

‘The “no photos” rule I have works for me because as much as I love my boyfriend I don’t think a picture of his penis is likely to get me excited. I like the teasing back and forth and descriptions of things to come.’

Phone sex

‘But it has its own complications. Like sometimes we’ve been sexting each other through the night and suddenly just when I’m starting to get really excited, he won’t respond – or at least not in time.’

‘I mean that’s the one good thing about phone sex, it’s more immediate and you’re not left guessing whether the other person has passed out, or lost interest or something.’


I would never ever text a racy photograph because you never know where it could land up. I trust my boyfriend, but what if he loses his phone or if someone accidentally sees it?

‘At the end of the day, it’s something private just between me and him. I never send him sexy pictures on the phone or by email because with Facebook, photographs somehow always find their way online sooner or later.

Nude picture

‘I think I have good reason to be paranoid about sharing photographs. When I was in first year of college this boy from the 12th standard, he must have been around 17. He was going around showing a nude picture of his girlfriend on his phone to the boys in my class as if it was some trophy.

‘And the sad thing is that he actually became kind of popular among the boys after that. I mean he started hanging out with the seniors, which was a big deal. I was grossed out and scared. I mean his girlfriend probably had no idea that he was betraying her in such a horrible way.


‘I don’t think I could ever sext someone I don’t know and trust, but that’s a personal choice. Even with my boyfriend, I am careful about what I share. I mean people can fall out of love you know. And what if your current love becomes a bitter ex and uses the stuff you sent him to get back at you.’

‘I know it helps to be cautious but there are no guarantees with stuff like this. Even people you know can get you into trouble. So the only sort of marker I keep in mind while sexting is ‘If what I’m sexting became public how would it make me feel?’


Have you ever had a nasty experience when private messages have gone public? And what are your tips for the hottest sexting? Leave a message below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya.

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Recent Comments (2)

  1. Am simple nathan .yep,lovers…
    Am simple nathan .yep,lovers shd respect each other.consider limits.and remember lov is secrect.

    1. Hi there, 

      Respect and…

      Hi there, 

      Respect and observance of boundaries are definitely important. In terms of keeping love a secret, that is a personal decision, do what makes you happy!

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