Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Repulsed by foreplay

I hate foreplay. I usually vomit whenever we have foreplay. I was advised to eat 1 to 2 hours before but I still feel like vomiting. Please advise me!

Don’t stress

Wow! You seem to have a very strong aversion to sex. It is clearly not as simple as ‘wait 2 hours after eating’. You aren’t running a marathon, it is just sex; even the most unfit amongst us can enjoy it. Nausea and actual vomiting suggest that you are disgusted by foreplay and sex.

What is it that disgusts you? 

I wish you had told me more but because you didn’t I am going to suggest that you seek professional help from a psychologist. S/he can then establish why you have this reaction; whether or not it happens in all sexual situations or with this partner in particular; and other relevant details. You also used the word foreplay without going into details about what exactly that entails. This makes me wonder what about foreplay bothers you so much. Is it oral sex that you find gross? What about your partner touching your genitalia? Is kissing on the mouth ok? Or does that make you vomit too? Is there anything you enjoy during foreplay? What about intercourse?

Unlearning harmful myths

It is difficult to answer you when I do not even know if you are male or female. Many of us, especially women, have been taught that sex is ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ and that good girls do not enjoy it. This is something that we have to unlearn if we are to create healthy sex lives and partnerships.

Many men have to learn that their ‘good’ partners can be sexually vibrant; and women have to give themselves permission to participate fully in their sex lives, as opposed to being ‘unwilling’ partners to whom sex ‘happens’.

It seems to me that this unlearning is yet to happen with you, but I cannot be too sure from your very succinct email. Please write to me again and give me more details? I would love to help you. There are years of orgasms and a delicious sex-filled relationship waiting for you.

Do you find foreplay distasteful or do you find that it adds more excitement to your sexual pleasure? Your discussion board moderators can help you out or leave us a message below. 

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