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Masturbation: no shame in a good thing

By Anthony Okoth on

Self-pleasure, and most things associated with it, have been hush hush for the longest time. Are we ready to move past the shame and own our pleasure?

Oxymoron

There’s a certain shame around getting to know our bodies through masturbation. So much so that when asked about it in public, our first reaction is almost always denial; with silence following in close second.

What makes it all the more interesting is how we got to this point: the old wives’ tales that were told to us and we passed on as fact. When actually, they are far from reality.

‘You’ll go blind.’

‘You’ll grow hair all over your body.’

‘The real thing won’t feel as good if you do it too much.’

If these were, indeed, facts, there would be far more sexually unsatisfied hairy humans with visiual impairments walking around everywhere.

Should we be ashamed, though? Sex and satisfaction are clearly things that are very important to us. People stay in bad relationships because of them. Marriages are made and broken on the figurative backs of these two points. Which begs the question: why would information on these topics be a source of ridicule and shame?

Make the Good Better

I’m not saying that masturbation should now become the end all and be all of our existence. Too much of anything, even of a good thing, can be dangerous. Nothing should keep you from carrying out your daily tasks. Or rising to the occasion when you and your partner are being intimate.

But just consider how much better it would be for you if you both knew what you needed done to make the experience pleasurable. You could act as guides to each other, showing each other where to go, what to do, how much of what is necessary.

Equally important, you would be better placed to say when to stop. Too often, we are passengers in a situation where we should be participants because we do not know what feels good and what doesn’t, or we are not bold enough to speak up because of the shame that has become associated with verbalizing your inner desires.

Fun

Consider also that all human beings are wired differently. What works for you will not work for the next person. Hell, what worked for you yesterday may not work for you today! If we go into intimate encounters, especially with a new person, expecting them to read you and know what buttons to press, we’re setting everyone up for failure.

Sex is supposed to be fun. We need to be comfortable enough with our own bodies to verbalize our wishes and guide our partners and make sure that it is enjoyable. Not to say that masturbation is the only way to learn, but self-exploration would definitely help the cause.

So do your research, debunk any myths that you may have held true, and rid yourself of any shame you may have had that can be so constricting. After all, you can’t love anybody till you love yourself.

What do you think? Do you need to love yourself and your body to be able to love someone else? Get in on our Facebook discussions, leave a comment below, or check in with our discussion board moderators.