Computer, webcam, and various mobile devices
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Cybersex: sex online

Apart from looking at pictures of sex on the internet, you can also have sex online.

Well, not actually with the other person, but you can have erotic conversations, look at each other on a webcam, or masturbate.

Is it a good idea? What are the risks? If you choose to do it, how can you keep it safe and enjoyable?
With whom?

You usually have internet sex with your partner. Perhaps you already kiss and make love, and the webcam adds an extra dimension.
Some people also find it exciting to do it with strangers. They take off their clothes on the webcam or exchange fantasies.

Are you ready for it?

Only do it if you really want to! Never let someone talk you into it. If you’re not sure, wait until you’re really certain, so you know you won’t regret it. Online sex can be very risky.

Safety tips for online sex

  • Agree beforehand whether you are prepared to allow the other person to record webcam video or stills.
  • If you allow the other person to record video or stills, agree that you will never share them with other people. You will therefore never upload them onto the internet.
  • Make sure your face is never visible in the picture. Then you will not be recognisable if the pictures do end up on the internet.
  • Be aware you can never know whether someone is recording the images from your webcam or not. And you can never know what will happen to the recording. You could easily find a video of you has been uploaded to a porn site. Pictures or video of you can end up floating around on the internet for years, being viewed by thousands of people.

Keep in mind: people to watch out for online

Fakers: people who use fake photos or videos. These people pretend to be someone else. When they put on the webcam, you see a video of someone else, and the faker pretends it’s him or her. The faker could be an old man, pretending to be someone of your age.
 
Fake model scouts: people who pretend to be model scouts who try to tempt you with false promises. They flatter you and tell you that you would be perfect as a model, but first, they need you to take your clothes off for the webcam.
 
Stalkers: people who follow you, hassle you, pester you for sex or threaten you. If you reveal too much about yourself on the internet – perhaps your surname or where you live – they know where to find you and then won’t leave you alone.
 
Players: people who pretend to take you seriously but are actually only interested in sex. Online they just want to gain your trust to try and get you to take your clothes off. During the chat, they pay you a lot of attention and listen carefully to you, and give you a lot of compliments. Once you’ve taken your clothes off, they don’t react anymore. They aren’t interested in you anymore, and you feel used.
 
Pimps: pimps can use the internet to try and recruit people into prostitution. They can try to get you in their power by making you fall in love with them. You think they care about you, but actually, they just want to force you into prostitution and take the money you earn. At first, they seem caring, but then they turn nasty or violent and force you to have sex with others for money. Pimps use the internet to try and track down victims.

FAQs around online flirting and sex

My boyfriend wants me to masturbate in front of the webcam. I don’t want to, but what if he breaks up with me?
Don’t do it if you don’t feel happy about it. You decide what you do in front of the webcam. It’s never good if you’re forced to do something in a relationship. Talk about it to your boyfriend and explain why you don’t want to do it. If it still matters so much to him, then he might not respect you.

When we chat online, my girlfriend promises things she won’t go through with in reality. It makes me angry. What should I do?
Many people feel much freer when they chat on the internet. They say things they wouldn’t say face to face. Tell your girlfriend you feel disappointed if she doesn’t keep the promises she makes online. Give her time to find out what she is really prepared to do. There’s no point getting angry – it will only scare her off.

I’ve been flirting with a man online, but now he won’t stop talking to me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’ve had enough. What should I do?
Tell him the bad news. No one likes to be rejected, but the good news is that everyone gets over it. Say it in a friendly way. If he takes it well, you might become friends. If he keeps on hassling you, block him.

I took my clothes off for my boyfriend on the webcam, but now I regret it. What should I do?
Tell him you won’t do it again. Say you didn’t like it, and you’d rather do something else. If he cares about you, he’ll respect your wishes, even if he thinks it’s a shame. If he breaks up with you, he obviously isn’t really interested in you as a person.

There’s a photo of me naked on the internet. I’m so embarrassed I don’t dare to tell anyone about it. What can I do?
Try and have the photo removed. Send a request to the makers of the website. If you’re under 18, the picture is child pornography and it’s illegal for it to be on the internet.
Depending on where you live, if you feel secure about it, you could report it to the police. Again depending on the country you live in, they might help you have it removed, even if you don’t want to press charges.

Comments
Hey Daniel, One person may find it exiting another may not like it. You may have to try it out to see if you like it. It may work well for partners in a long distance relationship who are not able to have physical intimacy as often.
Very sad but its modern reality nowadays,its part of showing that u love someone ,yet it will be aweopon to destroy u when u part aways,

Hi, usually one would have cyber sex with their partner though some people may choose to have it with total strangers. If you are having it with your partner it means you are already in a relationship. This also means you are separated by distance and at some point you will be reunited with your partner. It maybe challenging to have a relationship, and only experience each other through cyber sex. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/long-distance-relationships-dos-and-donts

girlfriend found me masturbating and watching porn she is not talking to me or picking calls. I have tried to explain and apologies kwa text still no response. What shud I do now?

Hi Job, this might have shocked her this is why she may not be responding to you. You may want to give her sometime before reaching out to her again. It is possible she doesn't know how to respond to what she saw and this is why she is not picking any of your calls or texts. It is possible that you may be able to get back together after you have a chance to talk about this, on the other hand she may not be willing to listen to you and this maybe the end of your relationship. We wish you well. https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbation-your-burning-questions-answered

Hey Dagii, in a loving and caring relationship, money shouldn't be exchanged with sex. If this is the case in your relationship you both need to talk about what kind of relationship you have or want to have moving forward. Find a good time and talk about this and agree on how to move forward. 

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