After play: do's and don'ts
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After play: do’s and don’ts

By David Joshua Jennings on

After play is one of the most ignored stages of sex. After sex you may feel inclined to doze off or pick up whatever tasks you were in the middle of when the sex began.

If you care about your partner and want them to feel closer, more secure and comfortable with you, then follow these dos and don’ts of post-coital denouement.

  • Engage in pillow talk

    After a wild round of lovemaking, most couples find themselves entwined in each other’s arms, disclosing intimate facts about themselves or their feelings, things they usually wouldn’t reveal under different circumstances. Some researchers attribute this pillow talk tendency to increased levels of oxytocin, the orgasm hormone that is believed to cause couples to experience feelings of trust and connection. Whatever the cause, studies show that couples who engage in pillow talk have happier relationships.

  • Maintain physical contact

    After the deed is done it’s important to let your partner know that you still care for them as much as you did before you got inside their pants. Pillow talk is important, but whatever you’re chatting about, always keep your hands and body active. It doesn’t have to be contact of a sexual nature. Things such as spooning, hair caressing or gentle massages are sure to let your partner know you care.

  • Take a bath/shower together 

    A great way to attend to practical business (washing up) while prolonging intimacy is by taking a bath or shower together. Soap each other down, rub the other’s body, give each other a massage. Who knows – it might lead to another round!

  • Make love again 

    Men are usually drained after sex, but if you hang out in bed long enough and both partners start feeling up for it, then perhaps the best post-coital activity is to make love again. Start the whole foreplay process over until you’ve built up enough excitement for a repeat performance.

  • Some activity together 

    You can cook dinner or make a snack together, or clean the room together, or watch a film or play a board game, or listen to music, or go for ice cream. The point is to continue to spend time together once the sex is finished to show that you’re interested in something besides the other’s genitals.

  • Pay the other a compliment 

    Both men and women may feel anxious about how their performance went and love hearing about their amazing sex skills. Thus it can really work magic if you tell them what a good time you had. Try to recall specific details and things that you liked. Approve of a special technique they used, for instance, or something they did that drove you wild. Not only does this make them feel good, but it imprints your favourite moves on their memory for next time.

  • Touch yourself

    Ladies, if the initial act left you yearning for more but your guy is temporarily incapacitated, feel free to begin touching yourself, leaving an open invitation for him to take over if he wishes. Whether he does or not, there are few men who aren’t aroused by a woman touching herself in bed next to him. And why should you hold back just because he’s feeling drained? It’s a win-win situation.

  • Fall asleep 

    Humans, and especially men, are biologically inclined to fall asleep after sex. This is because orgasm releases the hormone oxytocin, which causes drowsiness. But regardless of biology, your partner might feel insecure if you pass out as soon as your business is done. One way around this is: instead of holding your breath as orgasm approaches (as we tend to do, which exhausts us when we finally climax) attempt to inhale and exhale deeply. This will both increase your orgasm and help you stay awake afterwards. If that doesn’t work, take a cold shower or engage in one of the activities listed in the DO section.

  • Check your cell phone or internet 

    This one’s pretty obvious. There’s no better way to turn your partner off and make them believe you don’t care than by immediately reminding them that your attention is elsewhere. Even if it’s important, keep your partner’s feelings in mind and try to delay the urge to stay connected.

  • Ask your partner to leave

    For those who recently began sleeping together, it is quite rude to ask them to leave as soon as the sex is finished. Rather than kicking them out immediately, try engaging in one of activities in the DO section, especially if you’re hoping for a repeat performance one day. And even if it was a clearly defined one-night stand situation and you have important business to attend to, try to be gentle with your hints that they need to hit the road rather than blatantly asking them to vanish.

  • Fail to recognise when to leave

    Especially in relationships that are casual, or encounters not intended to last more than a night or two, it’s important to realise when you’ve overstayed your welcome. Try to pick up on casual hints and suggestions. If they say they have work to do or a doctor’s appointment in an hour so, don’t cling and try to linger. Respect the other’s life and obligations, or they may be reluctant to invite you back.

  • Go overboard with the pillow talk 

    Especially in new relationships, nothing can be more uncomfortable than corny pillow after sex, particularly if it’s cloyingly sentimental and uncalled for. Hyperbolic declarations of affection will no doubt seem phony and should be avoided at all costs. And whatever you do, don’t declare ‘I love you’ especially if the sex was previously defined as casual. ‘I love you’ should be uttered during moments of sobriety and clarity, not in post-coital hormonal bliss and confusion. The brain tends to be a bit wacky when you’re lying naked next to someone, so beware of blurting out things you wouldn’t say if you were clear-headed.

  • Keep the dirty talk going

    Even if you screamed the dirtiest things imaginable while in the throes of passion, in the post-coital afterglow dirty talk will feel a bit out of place. Reserve your filthy words of desire for those manic mindless moments during sex.
     

    Have you got any more tips to add to this list? Go ahead – leave a comment below or on our Facebook page.

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Recent Comments (40)

  2. I am beginning to get much
    I am beginning to get much enlightened in this especially aftermaths of which it draws in quite bit of dizziness

    Reply

    1. That’s totally normal!
      That’s totally normal!

      Reply

  3. Is it true that when u feel
    Is it true that when u feel itchy on your nimples(kuwashwa washwa) it means that ur partner misses u alot?

    Reply

    1. Moh,

      Moh,
      itchiness around the genitals isn’t a good sign, but around the nipples, it’s usually nothing to worry about, but also, it doesn’t really mean your partner misses you, sorry!

      Reply

      1. Akujikuna kwa vagina…
        Akujikuna kwa vagina ukimdara inamaanisha nini?

        Reply

        1. Hello Kush, thank you for…

          Hello Kush, thank you for reaching out to us. Itchiness around the genitals isn’t a good sign. Please ask her to see a medical professional for a comprehensive diagnosis.

          Reply

  4. kindly advice! Am usually
    kindly advice! Am usually aroused 4 2min wen in bed thn thts ol.wch fud cn i use 4 max erection and bed fulflmnt.am not enjoying

    Reply

    1. Hi Juma,

      Hi Juma,
      It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don’t have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression.
      Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
      Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
      Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
      Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
      If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
      You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish.

      Reply

  5. My boyfriend always use sme
    My boyfriend always use sme few minutes releasing n it is all enough in one night ,he can’t able to do another round .am not enjoying plzzz help

    Reply

    1. Essy,

      Essy,
      you are describing a few things here.
      That he can only go one round is okay- men have a ‘refractory period’. It means that after ejaculation, they need time to recover before the next one, and this can take a few hours.
      Regarding your pleasure, does he pay plenty of attention to your clitoris? Most women can’t orgasm through intercourse alone, so he will need to use his hands or mouth on your clitoris to make you enjoy.
      And lastly, talk to him! Sex is about communication, not just the act. If you don’t tell him what’s going on, he won’t be able to change anything.

      Reply

  6. my boyfrnd only leaks my
    my boyfrnd only leaks my pussy n doent fuck me idnt know why could it be that he cant go for along hour sex or coz in get satisfied. Plizzz help me

    Reply

    1. Katie,

      Katie,
      have you asked him about it?

      Reply

  7. iam 22yrs en a fresher at
    iam 22yrs en a fresher at univsty bt i fear approachn galz en hv never got a gf in mi lyf im i normal en wat cn i do 2 boost mi confidence

    Reply

  8. Is Masturbation good in a man
    Is Masturbation good in a man’s body or does it have any side effect?

    Reply

  9. How will you know that your
    How will you know that your Girlfriend reached climax after the action?

    Reply

  10. Enlight me more on how i can
    Enlight me more on how i can prolong ejaculation because it so happens to me in just 3-4minutes

    Reply

  11. my partna fills still me to
    my partna fills still me to continue after spending 45min be4 releasing.help me how 2 deal with her.

    Reply

  12. my boyfriend goes only one
    my boyfriend goes only one round and says he is exhausted even when we have been away from each other..he keeps on saying that he is not sexually active…is that true ? or can it be that he has no interest

    Reply

    1. Hi Trek, do you have reason
      Hi Trek, do you have reason to doubt him? Its a good thing that you talk about it, most men don’t admit to that and therefore you should talk with him about it more. If you feel you don’t get sexual satisfaction you should talk to him about how to deal with it. Here is an article that can help https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/making-love .

      Reply

  13. if i develop fellings,they
    if i develop fellings,they quickly lower down.nd i become dry immediately during da action.what may be da prob?

    Reply

  14. Is orgasm associated with…
    Is orgasm associated with ejaculation or it is on it’s own?

    Reply

  16. Kindly help.. my hubby can’t…
    Kindly help.. my hubby can’t stay long ln the act.. he suddenly stops erecting during the act.. am never satisfied

    Reply

  17. I take long to get to climax…
    I take long to get to climax yet my partner is a short racer even in the second or third round and is really bothering me coz I have to touch my clit to cope up with him m

    Reply

  18. Which are the best food or…
    Which are the best food or exercise to increase erection in men ? ??

    Reply

  19. Why is it that i don’t feel…
    Why is it that i don’t feel any sensation during love making, what can i do to enjoy the act?

    Reply

  20. Hello Karen, thank you for…

    Hello Karen, thank you for getting in touch and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. Is this a recent occurance?

    Reply

  21. Solution for painful erection
    Solution for painful erection

    Reply

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