After play: do's and don'ts
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After play: do's and don'ts

After sex you may feel inclined to doze off or pick up whatever tasks you were in the middle of when the sex began, but if you care about your partner and want them to feel closer, more secure and comfortable with you, then follow these dos and don’ts of post-coital denouement.
Do...
Engage in pillow talk

After a wild round of lovemaking, most couples find themselves entwined in each other’s arms, disclosing intimate facts about themselves or their feelings, things they usually wouldn’t reveal under different circumstances. Some researchers attribute this pillow talk tendency to increased levels of oxytocin, the orgasm hormone that is believed to cause couples to experience feelings of trust and connection. Whatever the cause, studies show that couples who engage in pillow talk have happier relationships.

Maintain physical contact

After the deed is done it’s important to let your partner know that you still care for them as much as you did before you got inside their pants. Pillow talk is important, but whatever you’re chatting about, always keep your hands and body active. It doesn’t have to be contact of a sexual nature. Things such as spooning, hair caressing or gentle massages are sure to let your partner know you care.

Take a bath/shower together 

A great way to attend to practical business (washing up) while prolonging intimacy is by taking a bath or shower together. Soap each other down, rub the other’s body, give each other a massage. Who knows – it might lead to another round!

Make love again 

Men are usually drained after sex, but if you hang out in bed long enough and both partners start feeling up for it, then perhaps the best post-coital activity is to make love again. Start the whole foreplay process over until you’ve built up enough excitement for a repeat performance.

Some activity together 

You can cook dinner or make a snack together, or clean the room together, or watch a film or play a board game, or listen to music, or go for ice cream. The point is to continue to spend time together once the sex is finished to show that you’re interested in something besides the other’s genitals.

Pay the other a compliment 

Both men and women may feel anxious about how their performance went and love hearing about their amazing sex skills. Thus it can really work magic if you tell them what a good time you had. Try to recall specific details and things that you liked. Approve of a special technique they used, for instance, or something they did that drove you wild. Not only does this make them feel good, but it imprints your favourite moves on their memory for next time.

Touch yourself

Ladies, if the initial act left you yearning for more but your guy is temporarily incapacitated, feel free to begin touching yourself, leaving an open invitation for him to take over if he wishes. Whether he does or not, there are few men who aren’t aroused by a woman touching herself in bed next to him. And why should you hold back just because he’s feeling drained? It’s a win-win situation.

Don't...
Fall asleep 

Humans, and especially men, are biologically inclined to fall asleep after sex. This is because orgasm releases the hormone oxytocin, which causes drowsiness. But regardless of biology, your partner might feel insecure if you pass out as soon as your business is done. One way around this is: instead of holding your breath as orgasm approaches (as we tend to do, which exhausts us when we finally climax) attempt to inhale and exhale deeply. This will both increase your orgasm and help you stay awake afterwards. If that doesn’t work, take a cold shower or engage in one of the activities listed in the DO section.

Check your cell phone or internet 

This one’s pretty obvious. There’s no better way to turn your partner off and make them believe you don’t care than by immediately reminding them that your attention is elsewhere. Even if it’s important, keep your partner’s feelings in mind and try to delay the urge to stay connected.

Ask your partner to leave

For those who recently began sleeping together, it is quite rude to ask them to leave as soon as the sex is finished. Rather than kicking them out immediately, try engaging in one of activities in the DO section, especially if you’re hoping for a repeat performance one day. And even if it was a clearly defined one-night stand situation and you have important business to attend to, try to be gentle with your hints that they need to hit the road rather than blatantly asking them to vanish.

Fail to recognise when to leave

Especially in relationships that are casual, or encounters not intended to last more than a night or two, it’s important to realise when you’ve overstayed your welcome. Try to pick up on casual hints and suggestions. If they say they have work to do or a doctor’s appointment in an hour so, don’t cling and try to linger. Respect the other’s life and obligations, or they may be reluctant to invite you back.

Go overboard with the pillow talk 

Especially in new relationships, nothing can be more uncomfortable than corny pillow after sex, particularly if it’s cloyingly sentimental and uncalled for. Hyperbolic declarations of affection will no doubt seem phony and should be avoided at all costs. And whatever you do, don’t declare 'I love you' especially if the sex was previously defined as casual. 'I love you' should be uttered during moments of sobriety and clarity, not in post-coital hormonal bliss and confusion. The brain tends to be a bit wacky when you’re lying naked next to someone, so beware of blurting out things you wouldn’t say if you were clear-headed.

Keep the dirty talk going

Even if you screamed the dirtiest things imaginable while in the throes of passion, in the post-coital afterglow dirty talk will feel a bit out of place. Reserve your filthy words of desire for those manic mindless moments during sex.
 

Have you got any more tips to add to this list? Go ahead – leave a comment below or on our Facebook page.

Comments
kindly advice! Am usually aroused 4 2min wen in bed thn thts ol.wch fud cn i use 4 max erection and bed fulflmnt.am not enjoying
Hi Juma, It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don't have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression. Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn't and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things! Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up. Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!). Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other. If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional. You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish.
My boyfriend always use sme few minutes releasing n it is all enough in one night ,he can't able to do another round .am not enjoying plzzz help
Essy, you are describing a few things here. That he can only go one round is okay- men have a 'refractory period'. It means that after ejaculation, they need time to recover before the next one, and this can take a few hours. Regarding your pleasure, does he pay plenty of attention to your clitoris? Most women can't orgasm through intercourse alone, so he will need to use his hands or mouth on your clitoris to make you enjoy. And lastly, talk to him! Sex is about communication, not just the act. If you don't tell him what's going on, he won't be able to change anything.
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