If you care about your partner and want them to feel closer, more secure and comfortable with you, then follow these dos and don’ts of post-coital denouement.
After a wild round of lovemaking, most couples find themselves entwined in each other’s arms, disclosing intimate facts about themselves or their feelings, things they usually wouldn’t reveal under different circumstances. Some researchers attribute this pillow talk tendency to increased levels of oxytocin, the orgasm hormone that is believed to cause couples to experience feelings of trust and connection. Whatever the cause, studies show that couples who engage in pillow talk have happier relationships.
After the deed is done it’s important to let your partner know that you still care for them as much as you did before you got inside their pants. Pillow talk is important, but whatever you’re chatting about, always keep your hands and body active. It doesn’t have to be contact of a sexual nature. Things such as spooning, hair caressing or gentle massages are sure to let your partner know you care.
A great way to attend to practical business (washing up) while prolonging intimacy is by taking a bath or shower together. Soap each other down, rub the other’s body, give each other a massage. Who knows – it might lead to another round!
Men are usually drained after sex, but if you hang out in bed long enough and both partners start feeling up for it, then perhaps the best post-coital activity is to make love again. Start the whole foreplay process over until you’ve built up enough excitement for a repeat performance.
You can cook dinner or make a snack together, or clean the room together, or watch a film or play a board game, or listen to music, or go for ice cream. The point is to continue to spend time together once the sex is finished to show that you’re interested in something besides the other’s genitals.
Both men and women may feel anxious about how their performance went and love hearing about their amazing sex skills. Thus it can really work magic if you tell them what a good time you had. Try to recall specific details and things that you liked. Approve of a special technique they used, for instance, or something they did that drove you wild. Not only does this make them feel good, but it imprints your favourite moves on their memory for next time.
Ladies, if the initial act left you yearning for more but your guy is temporarily incapacitated, feel free to begin touching yourself, leaving an open invitation for him to take over if he wishes. Whether he does or not, there are few men who aren’t aroused by a woman touching herself in bed next to him. And why should you hold back just because he’s feeling drained? It’s a win-win situation.
Humans, and especially men, are biologically inclined to fall asleep after sex. This is because orgasm releases the hormone oxytocin, which causes drowsiness. But regardless of biology, your partner might feel insecure if you pass out as soon as your business is done. One way around this is: instead of holding your breath as orgasm approaches (as we tend to do, which exhausts us when we finally climax) attempt to inhale and exhale deeply. This will both increase your orgasm and help you stay awake afterwards. If that doesn’t work, take a cold shower or engage in one of the activities listed in the DO section.
This one’s pretty obvious. There’s no better way to turn your partner off and make them believe you don’t care than by immediately reminding them that your attention is elsewhere. Even if it’s important, keep your partner’s feelings in mind and try to delay the urge to stay connected.
For those who recently began sleeping together, it is quite rude to ask them to leave as soon as the sex is finished. Rather than kicking them out immediately, try engaging in one of activities in the DO section, especially if you’re hoping for a repeat performance one day. And even if it was a clearly defined one-night stand situation and you have important business to attend to, try to be gentle with your hints that they need to hit the road rather than blatantly asking them to vanish.
Especially in relationships that are casual, or encounters not intended to last more than a night or two, it’s important to realise when you’ve overstayed your welcome. Try to pick up on casual hints and suggestions. If they say they have work to do or a doctor’s appointment in an hour so, don’t cling and try to linger. Respect the other’s life and obligations, or they may be reluctant to invite you back.
Especially in new relationships, nothing can be more uncomfortable than corny pillow after sex, particularly if it’s cloyingly sentimental and uncalled for. Hyperbolic declarations of affection will no doubt seem phony and should be avoided at all costs. And whatever you do, don’t declare 'I love you' especially if the sex was previously defined as casual. 'I love you' should be uttered during moments of sobriety and clarity, not in post-coital hormonal bliss and confusion. The brain tends to be a bit wacky when you’re lying naked next to someone, so beware of blurting out things you wouldn’t say if you were clear-headed.
Even if you screamed the dirtiest things imaginable while in the throes of passion, in the post-coital afterglow dirty talk will feel a bit out of place. Reserve your filthy words of desire for those manic mindless moments during sex.
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