Forget size, remember foreplay

I have large labia minora and while I have sex I often feel pain. What could that mean?

Be careful with labels

Hmmm… how do you know that you have large labia? Have you been comparing yourself to porn stars? Does it protrude outside the labia majora? I would not necessarily label that large or small; I would simply acknowledge that that is the shape of your vulva and move on. Just as we are different in height, size and complexion, so do our vulva differ.

Size may not make a difference

Some women’s vulvas are enclosed completely by the labia majora, while in others the majora and minora are the same lengths, and yet still in others, the minora is a lot longer than the majora. I do not think these differences make a huge difference in our sex lives, nor are there standards of beauty surrounding lengths of labia. I realise that the sengas of Uganda, who advocate pulling of the labia would differ on that.

Other causes for painful sex

Now regarding painful sex, the most obvious cause is a lack of lubrication. On average, a woman needs about 20 minutes of foreplay to be adequately turned on and lubricated for intercourse.

Dry sex can be painful and result in vaginal tears which hurt for days after sex.

If your partner has a large penis and you are in a rear entry position, he may be slamming against your cervix and that will be painful.

Lead your partner

Let your partner know that you need more foreplay. This does not have to be a long drawn out conversation; just lead his hands and lips where you want to be touched and then let him know when what he is doing feels good. There are the obvious erogenous zones like lips, nipples and vulva, but this is also your chance to lead him to others like your ears, neck, the back of your knees, inner thighs, and other places that you know about. You know your body better than anyone else.

How have you dealt with painful sex? If you need help overcoming it, head to our discussion board and ask our moderators for help.