First time sex: do’s and don’ts
Thinking of having sex for the first time? It’s normal to be nervous. All first-timers face the same kind of anxiety. We’d like your first time to be pleasant and memorable, so here are our top tips to help you overcome some of your nerves.
Be comfortable
Your first time having intercourse should be with someone you trust and like or love. You shouldn’t have sex under any kind of pressure – whether it’s from your partner or your peers. You should make this choice by yourself and feel comfortable with it.
Once you’re sure about wanting to lose your virginity, you can think of a comfortable place and time to do it. It should be somewhere both of you can have enough time before and after sex – a place where you won’t be disturbed.Build up slowly
Take your time to relax and be comfortable around each other. Sex is not just about penetration. Foreplay is an essential part of sex. Kiss, caress, hug and touch each other in ways you enjoy – if you need inspiration, read here about the many ways to make love. Do everything you can to turn each other on.
If you’re a woman about to lose your virginity, you’re probably worried that sex will be painful. But it doesn’t have to be if you’re well-lubricated. Of course women become wet naturally when they are aroused, so it’s important to take the time to get really turned on before he puts his penis in your vagina. A water-based lubricant can also make the process easier.Pay attention to your partner
It’s vital to communicate during sex. You can do so by talking to each other sensually or by making gestures or with eye contact. The key is to always be aware of your partner’s feelings. This way you will know whether your partner enjoys what you’re doing or not.
Say ‘no’ if you’ve changed your mind
While you’re in bed with your partner, you might want change your mind about going all the way. If you do, feel brave enough to speak up. You have every right to say no at any time. If your partner truly cares for and loves you, he or she will stand by your choice and give you as much time as you need to be OK with losing your virginity.
Forget contraception
Use protection and preferably another form of birth control. While condoms protect you against sexually transmitted diseases, the contraceptive will safeguard you against pregnancy in case the condom rips or slips.
Do it if you’re too drunk
While a little bit of alcohol can help you break the ice and start a conversation, too much of it can impair your judgment. You might regret your actions the next morning. Being drunk could also carry other risks such as forgetting to use condoms or contraceptives. Read more in our sex and alcohol top five facts.
Have very high expectations
Don’t assume that first-time sex will be earth-shattering. Most likely, it won’t. Sex gets better as you get to know a person over time and build a lasting relationship with them. So if first-time sex doesn’t end up being as exciting as you imagined it to be, don’t fret. This is just the beginning!
Here are a few more first time sex tips before you go ahead. Try to stay relaxed and focus on enjoying the moment. We wish you a good time!
Have you got some advice to add to the list? Leave your suggestion here or on Facebook.
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Recent Comments (48)
Thank you for yr advice
Thank you for yr advice
You are welcome!
You are welcome!
Thank you for yr advice
Thank you for yr advice
Thank you, Henry!
Thank you, Henry!
I experienced it today and it
I experienced it today and it was fantastic…..i need more advice!
Daniel,
Daniel,
we have new advice every day- keep coming back.
I like that.
I like that.
Great!
Great!
nyc
nyc
🙂
🙂
i experienced it a some
i experienced it a some months ago i started using pills nd a month now no menstration das it mean am preagnant or
Grace,
Grace,
please take a pregnancy test, that should give you clarity.
wow great is kul
wow great is kul
Good to hear that, Milly?
Good to hear that, Milly?
I think I’ll follow this when
I think I’ll follow this when the time is right for me. Thanks
You are welcome Ladooh.
You are welcome Ladooh.
Still waiting 4 that tym to
Still waiting 4 that tym to come.
It will come eventually Njogu
It will come eventually Njogu, there’s no rush. Wait until you are ready!
thanks for knowledge
thanks for knowledge
You are welcome meshack.
You are welcome meshack.
dats a grate idea..am gona
dats a grate idea..am gona try them soon
Good Danie,tell us how it
Good Danie,tell us how it goes.
Awesome waiting for the right
Awesome waiting for the right time
Good , glad that you like it.
Good , glad that you like it.
My partner doesn’t know how…
My partner doesn’t know how to turn me on what should I do?
Hey Dina, have you tried to…
Hey Dina, have you tried to tell him what turns you on? Sometimes you have to tell, teach or show your partner what you like or want during sex. Communication can make your sex experience better, find a good time and share with your partner what turns you on, what you like and want. Do also have him share with you what he likes or wants. Check out this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex
In your opinion Love Matters…
In your opinion Love Matters should people who are dating have sex before marriage?
Hey Diana, There are varied…
Hey Diana, There are varied opinions around this subject, some people choose not to have sex before marriage based on personal principle or religious beliefs. It is important to talk about sex in a relationship, this will help clarify the different expectations and agree together on how to proceed. We do not hold an opinion as to whether people should or should not have sex before marriage, however, one should only have sex if they feel they are ready, they are with the right person and it is the right time for them.
HOW LONG SHOULD SEX LAST?…
HOW LONG SHOULD SEX LAST? SOMEONE WANTS TO HAVE FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT? IS HE OKAY?
Hey, perhaps they meant they…
Hey, perhaps they meant they want to have it multiple times over the night you will spend together. It is a good thing to share your sex expectations, let them know what you like or want as they also share their expectations. This way you can agree on how proceed and ensure that the experience is one that you both will enjoy. All the best.
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/how-much-sex-do-you-need-to-be-happy
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-dos-and-donts
What causes vagina to dry…
What causes vagina to dry when you are having sex?
Hi Bob, vagina wetness is…
Hi Bob, vagina wetness is the result of arousal. When a woman is arouse her vagina will become wet or moist, making sex pleasurable for both partners. If the vagina becomes dry during sex, partners can stop intercourse to get her aroused again before continuing. Also, lubricants can be used to supplement. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/lubricant-top-five-facts
Tried having sex for the…
Tried having sex for the first but it was too painful we had to stop it made my fiance mad. I had that if he has a big penis thr pain is soo much. I didn’t see his penis so I don’t k ow how big but it was very painful
Hi Joy, so sorry about this…
Hi Joy, so sorry about this. Sex for the first time doesn’t have to hurt but it can hurt because of the stretching of hymen especially when the girl is not well prepared and relaxed at the point when their partner penetrates. It is important that one is aroused which get the vagina to become moist or self lubricate. This makes penetration easier and enjoyable for both partners. It is also important that one tries to relax during penetration which will also make vaginal muscles to relax making penetration easier. Lastly, remember to use protection to prevent unplanned pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infections. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-what-to-expect
Can a man and a woman have…
Can a man and a woman have anal sex?
Hi Jose, yes a man and a…
Hi Jose, yes a man and a woman can choose to have anal sex and enjoy it. It is however important to be certain that this is what both partners want and to take gradual steps in the exploration of anal sex. Take a look at the following articles for more information on anal sex;-
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/anal-sex-myths-busted
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/guide-to-first-time-anal-sex
How do you know if a girl is…
How do you know if a girl is into you?
Dear Joash, you could ask…
Dear Joash, you could ask her how she feels about you. You could look at her actions and behaviour when you are together. For instance is she free around you to the point that she shares her deepest feelings, does she like spending lots of alone time with you and is saying goodbye always hard? These can be pointers to how she feels about you, however it is important that you clarify these actions and get to know exactly what they mean by asking the girl. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/how-do-i-know-if-she-loves-me
Can I use detol to clean…
Can I use detol to clean pussy after sex to avoid infection?
Hey Caroline, using such…
Hey Caroline, using such soaps or antiseptics will actual encourage yeast infections by upsetting the natural balance of bacteria inside the vagina. Using warm water is sufficient to clean the vagina. If you do choose to wash your labia with soap, use a gentle one without strong perfumes. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/8-tips-to-keep-your-vagina-happy-and-healthy
I want to have sex but she…
I want to have sex but she keeps saying she is not ready how can I convince her to accept?
Hey Frank, if she is not…
Hey Frank, if she is not ready you have to respect her choice. All you can do is to wait until she is ready. You can however talk with her and find out what makes her feel it is not yet the right time for her. Whatever her reasons maybe, you will have to respect her decision. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/sexual-harassment/not-ready-for-sex
I love this thenks mach
I love this thenks mach
Hello Anonymous, thank you…
Hello Anonymous, thank you so much for your positive feedback and we are so glad you like our content! Stay safe and have a lovely weekend ahead! 🙂
Why is penetration painful?
Why is penetration painful?
Hi Terry, thank you so much…
Hi Terry, thank you so much for reaching out to us. Ideally, penetration should not be painful. There could be a little discomfort initially or if the penis is larger than average. However, there could be pain when there is not enough lubrication. Naturally, when a woman is aroused she may produce lubrication to reduce friction. Unfortunately, not all women produce enough of this lubrication. It could also happen that the woman is not sufficiently aroused. In these cases, it is advisable to use a water-based lubricant to help reduce or even eliminate the pain.
Alternatively, the issue may be vaginismus, a condition where the muscles of the pelvis floor contract making penetration quite painful. The condition may occur from time to time, it may begin to occur later in life, it may occur in certain situations, or it may happen throughout one’s life.
The level of pain may also vary from mild to severe and from short term to long term. Vaginismus may be so severe that even wearing a tampon or going for a gynaecological exam is too painful
Vaginismus could be triggered by many issues both psychological, emotional, and physical. These include fear or anxiety, trauma like rape or abuse, infections, menopause, inadequate foreplay, surgery to the area, or even as a side effect to medication.
Vaginismus is usually treated through a combination of physical and emotional exercises. If you feel that you may be going through this, have a conversation with your doctor.
That great…but my…
That great…but my girlfriend is really fearing…more advice plz
HI Jimmy, thank you for…
HI Jimmy, thank you for getting in touch and we are so glad that you are concerned about your partner and are so proud and happy that you want to take good care of her. Click here to find out more about what to expect when having sex for the first time: https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-what-to-expect
Let us know what you think and we hope this information helps!
Feel free to go through more of our content to help you make more informed decisions and do not hesitate to get in touch with us in case you have any questions. Have a wonderful week and stay safe!