Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Not ready for sex

By Valentine Njoroge September 7, 03:18 pm
I've not had sex yet and I am so scared. My boyfriend seems to want to force me into it. He tries to enter into it every time we kiss.

He's not taking your fear seriously

Well, can I just say that I don’t like your boyfriend? You are very clear that you are scared to have sex. He is not honouring your feelings or even hearing them fully. Assuming that you really like this guy and want to be with him, then I suggest you sit him down and make sure that he understands your feelings. But first, figure out exactly what you want him to know before you sit him down. Are you afraid of sex itself? Or perhaps is it more about the possible consequences such as pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases?

Make sure you are ready

You are right to be hesitant and afraid. A poorly executed sex life can have dire lifelong consequences. Taking the time to talk about protection and contraception is the mature thing to do, as is talking about fidelity and your expectations from the relationship. These conversations will let you know if this is a relationship in which you feel safe enough to introduce sex and whether or not you trust your partner to take care of you sexually and not expose you to diseases etc.

More vulnerable

On the other hand, the point of dating is to meet many people and then find someone who understands us, cares for us, and goes out of his way to make our lives not only easier but shinier and more delicious.

You already feel unheard and that your feelings are being disregarded by this man – before even sharing more intimate aspects of yourself.

Having sex will only make you feel more vulnerable.

You could always break up with him and find someone else – someone you feel safe with, cherished and adored, someone for whom your feelings will be valid points of concern, and not easily dismissed hindrances on his path to orgasm, someone who respects you and your choices…
 

How would you deal with this situation? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook. You can find us at Love Matters Kenya and Naija.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Hi,i met a guy on facebook only to realise dat av got feelings for him and i think he does the same for me.we've bn in da r/ship for only two months and i feel he ix da ryt person to break my virgity,,,i still dnt know if she is da real guy or not
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