Woman saying no to man

Dating: getting turned down

By Kerubo Akello March 21, 06:00 am
When you're trying to date, it all begins with the ask. To ask someone if they want to go on a date with you or not, or want to sleep with you or not – after all, it's polite.

And consent is a must. The thing is, sometimes consent might not be granted – sometimes the other person doesn't want to do the thing you want to do. We asked a few people what happened to them in situations like this.

A change of plans

I asked a girl if she wanted to have sex. She said yes, but it became weird – almost as if I was begging her to sleep with me. I don't like begging. We spoke later and she said she met someone who she might be catching feelings for, so she didn't want to sleep with me any more. I said I understood and it was fine if she was otherwise engaged. She told me she would feel weird being with me if she likes someone else.

George, 27

Crossed line

There's a girl I know who's a friend of a friend. We have met and hung out one or two times. She's cute and funny and we get along great. So I will up the courage at one of our hangouts to take her aside, and say, 'Usually I don't do this, but I think you are cute and really cool company. Can I take you out sometime on a date?'
She looked at me with this look of perplexion and told me 'Errr, no. Si kwa ubaya (I don't mean this the wrong way), but you aren't my type. And I am currently dating. Sorry.' I did not know this information, or else I wouldn't have shot my shot. We're cool though, and she really swept it under the rug.

Jeremy, 31

All by yourself

I used the weather as the ice breaker and casually asked what to do to combat January heat. I think Coldstone Creamery had just come to Kenya. So there I was telling him how they have awesome flavours and he's indulging me asking questions. When I asked him if we can go try some, he tells me he doesn't like ice cream and told me to make sure I enjoy it, and one day he'll join me...

Anna, 28

Failure to launch

I wanted to sleep with a friend of mine, because I just wanted to have sex, and I didn't feel like going to look for a stranger to ask. So I decided to ask one of my friends to come over... with a condom, just to be clear. He didn't believe me when I told him that, but eventually, he said he can't because he didn't want to ruin our friendship.

Turns out he was hitting on my cousin and didn't want to ruin his chances with her by sleeping with me.

Abigail, 30

When's the last time you got turned down, and how did you handle it? Tell us in the comments below about how you 'shot your shot,' or on Facebook, Love Matters Kenya and Love Matters Naija.

Did you learn something new?


Hey Darren, you could begin by asking her how she feels toward you. You can also observe her actions when you spend time together, for instance, does she always want to spend lots of time with you, does she include you in her future when she talk about the future, is saying goodbye always difficult? These are among those things which will tell tell you how she feels toward you. It is however important that you talk with her to find out exactly how she feels toward you. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/how-do-i-know-if-she-loves-me

Dear Faith, first getting over a break up can take time but eventually one is able to move on and get over the hurt. This also means it may not be easy to forget an ex depending on how long you were together, what led to the break up and how you broke up. However, one can take steps to move forward after a break up. It is important to try and get rid of all negative feelings, forgive yourself and recognize that this was not your fault because you couldn't control the actions of the other person. Take one day at a time, eventually you will get over the hurt and perhaps be ready to get into a new fulfilling relationship. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up 

Lady Rose
Mon, 06/17/2019 - 05:09 pm
This is what I fear most I stay will my feelings bcz girls don't approach guys. If doesn't approach me, it was not meant to be. #Beingalady

Hey Lady Rose, we appreciate your opinion. However, a lady can approach a guy for a relationship and yes one of the possible responses is that the guy may not be interested and when this happens all one can do is to move on. If you really like or love someone, tell them. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date

Hi Erick, you can only be confident and tell the person you like how you feel. You may not be able to determine how they respond to you because sometimes a person will not be available for a relationship for various reason and they just not like you and with this you have to respect their choice. Go on, be brave and tell them how you feel, they maybe just be attracted to the confidence. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date

Amos oladipupo
Wed, 10/23/2019 - 06:29 pm
I feel sad whenever i ask lady out and they turn it down there was a girl i meant online of Facebook i ask for a WhatsApp number number which she gave me then i started chatting with her which i told her what i feel about her she turn it down without any reason attach too it.

Hey Amos, unfortunately, not everyone you ask out will accept. This however doesn't mean that the next person you ask out will also be unwilling. This is why you have to keep trying eventually you will meet someone who is willing to go out with you. Also, a person will decline your request for various reasons, sometimes they may not feel the same as you or they maybe already dating someone else. Keep trying, you will meet someone. All the best. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/asking-someone-out-dos-and-donts

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