Dating: getting turned down
When you’re trying to date, it all begins with the ask. To ask someone if they want to go on a date with you or not, or want to sleep with you or not – after all, it’s polite.
And consent is a must. The thing is, sometimes consent might not be granted – sometimes the other person doesn’t want to do the thing you want to do. We asked a few people what happened to them in situations like this.
A change of plans
I asked a girl if she wanted to have sex. She said yes, but it became weird – almost as if I was begging her to sleep with me. I don’t like begging. We spoke later and she said she met someone who she might be catching feelings for, so she didn’t want to sleep with me any more. I said I understood and it was fine if she was otherwise engaged. She told me she would feel weird being with me if she likes someone else.
George, 27
Crossed line
There’s a girl I know who’s a friend of a friend. We have met and hung out one or two times. She’s cute and funny and we get along great. So I will up the courage at one of our hangouts to take her aside, and say, ‘Usually I don’t do this, but I think you are cute and really cool company. Can I take you out sometime on a date?’
She looked at me with this look of perplexion and told me ‘Errr, no. Si kwa ubaya (I don’t mean this the wrong way), but you aren’t my type. And I am currently dating. Sorry.’ I did not know this information, or else I wouldn’t have shot my shot. We’re cool though, and she really swept it under the rug.Jeremy, 31
All by yourself
I used the weather as the ice breaker and casually asked what to do to combat January heat. I think Coldstone Creamery had just come to Kenya. So there I was telling him how they have awesome flavours and he’s indulging me asking questions. When I asked him if we can go try some, he tells me he doesn’t like ice cream and told me to make sure I enjoy it, and one day he’ll join me…
Anna, 28
Failure to launch
I wanted to sleep with a friend of mine, because I just wanted to have sex, and I didn’t feel like going to look for a stranger to ask. So I decided to ask one of my friends to come over… with a condom, just to be clear. He didn’t believe me when I told him that, but eventually, he said he can’t because he didn’t want to ruin our friendship.
Turns out he was hitting on my cousin and didn’t want to ruin his chances with her by sleeping with me.
Abigail, 30
When’s the last time you got turned down, and how did you handle it? Tell us in the comments below about how you ‘shot your shot,’ or on Facebook, Love Matters Kenya and Love Matters Naija.
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Recent Comments (30)
I got turned down from that…
I got turned down from that day I fear asking a girl for a date.
Dear Marko, the reality of…
Dear Marko, the reality of relationship is that not all of them will last a life time, some don’t even get to start. But just because one person was uninterested or a relationship didn’t work, doesn’t mean that one should keep trying. Take time to heal from the past hurt and once you are ready, get out there to meet new people. Heck out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
Love is just a word until…
Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
Really nice, thank you…
Really nice, thank you Gideon for sharing.
How can you make sure a girl…
How can you make sure a girl likes you before asking her to date you?
Hi John, there is no way to…
Hi John, there is no way to know for sure a girl likes you other than asking her. If you are interested in a girl, what you need to do is to tell her how you feel to see if she feels the same way. Sometimes you will find that the other you are interested in feels the same in some cases this may not be so and you have to respect the choice of the other person. Go on and share with the person how you feel and hopefully they feel the same way. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/how-do-i-know-if-she-loves-me
How do you overcome the fear…
How do you overcome the fear of getting turned down?
Hey Steve, most guys…
Hey Steve, most guys experience this when they think of approaching someone for a relationship, this is therefore normal. However, if you are interested in a someone, all you have to do is to be confident and tell them how you feel. Sometimes doing this face to face can be intimidating, you can therefore choose to do through a phone call. Remember, confidence is an attractive quality in a person. Check out this article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date
Can you hook me up with…
Can you hook me up with someone? Looking for a girl in Nairobi or Kampala for along term relationship.
Hi Ssengezu, unfortunately…
Hi Ssengezu, unfortunately we are not a dating service and for this reason we are not able to help you meet someone.
I have been dating my…
I have been dating my oyfriend for 6 months now he wants but I am not ready. How can I tell him no without hurting him because I feel I love him.
Hey Annah, the decision to…
Hey Annah, the decision to have sex is your decision and you should only do it when you feel ready. Just be honest with him, tell him how you feel and the fact that you are not ready yet. If he does care for you, he will wait till you are ready. Check out the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/how-soon-is-too-soon
How can I talk to a girl…
How can I talk to a girl ndio accept to be my girlfriend?
Hey Joab, the way to do it…
Hey Joab, the way to do it is to be honest with the person you like and be confident when you tell them how it is you feel toward them. Girls find confidence to be an attractive attribute. You can also consider having a mutual friend introduce you to the person you like. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date
I am in a relationship. I…
I am in a relationship. I wanted to ask for ways to make it stronger?
There are a few things you…
There are a few things you can do to make your relationship strong one of which is communication. Keep your communication lines open taking advantage of technology when you are apart. Communication between you ought to be open and honest. Also, it is important that spend quality time together, this wis what will help you get to know each other and make you relationship stronger as well. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/keeping-a-relationship-strong-dos-donts
I always thought we were in…
I always thought we were in a relationship until I saw her kissing another guy. Sucks to be me right now!
Hey Ed, so sorry about this…
Hey Ed, so sorry about this. It appears you are not certain about your relationship status with her. If you were indeed in a relationship, it then means she cheated on you and this was not your fault. All you can do now is to move, it hurts but it will get better with time. Take sometime to heal from this break up and in good time you will be ready to get into a new and fulfilling relationship. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/guide-to-recovery-for-the-cheated
8 am tiered of this young…
8 am tiered of this young girls I am looking a for sugar mummy.
Hey, we are not a dating…
Hey, we are not a dating service and for this reason we are not able to help meet someone. We wish you well. Have a look at the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/sugar-mummies-daddies-getting-some-sugar
How can you know a girl…
How can you know a girl loves you?
Hey Darren, you could begin…
Hey Darren, you could begin by asking her how she feels toward you. You can also observe her actions when you spend time together, for instance, does she always want to spend lots of time with you, does she include you in her future when she talk about the future, is saying goodbye always difficult? These are among those things which will tell tell you how she feels toward you. It is however important that you talk with her to find out exactly how she feels toward you. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/how-do-i-know-if-she-loves-me
Sir,what and what should I…
Sir,what and what should I do to move on and forget about some one who hurt me a lot.
Dear Faith, first getting…
Dear Faith, first getting over a break up can take time but eventually one is able to move on and get over the hurt. This also means it may not be easy to forget an ex depending on how long you were together, what led to the break up and how you broke up. However, one can take steps to move forward after a break up. It is important to try and get rid of all negative feelings, forgive yourself and recognize that this was not your fault because you couldn’t control the actions of the other person. Take one day at a time, eventually you will get over the hurt and perhaps be ready to get into a new fulfilling relationship. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up
This is what I fear most I…
This is what I fear most I stay will my feelings bcz girls don’t approach guys. If doesn’t approach me, it was not meant to be. #Beingalady
Hey Lady Rose, we appreciate…
Hey Lady Rose, we appreciate your opinion. However, a lady can approach a guy for a relationship and yes one of the possible responses is that the guy may not be interested and when this happens all one can do is to move on. If you really like or love someone, tell them. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date
How do you approach a girl…
How do you approach a girl in such a way that you don’t get turned down?
Hi Erick, you can only be…
Hi Erick, you can only be confident and tell the person you like how you feel. You may not be able to determine how they respond to you because sometimes a person will not be available for a relationship for various reason and they just not like you and with this you have to respect their choice. Go on, be brave and tell them how you feel, they maybe just be attracted to the confidence. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date
I feel sad whenever i ask…
I feel sad whenever i ask lady out and they turn it down there was a girl i meant online of Facebook i ask for a WhatsApp number number which she gave me then i started chatting with her which i told her what i feel about her she turn it down without any reason attach too it.
Hey Amos, unfortunately, not…
Hey Amos, unfortunately, not everyone you ask out will accept. This however doesn’t mean that the next person you ask out will also be unwilling. This is why you have to keep trying eventually you will meet someone who is willing to go out with you. Also, a person will decline your request for various reasons, sometimes they may not feel the same as you or they maybe already dating someone else. Keep trying, you will meet someone. All the best. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/asking-someone-out-dos-and-donts