Surviving heartbreaks in the age of social media
The really crazy thing about being heartbroken and riding out the storm is that there are no manuals on the ‘hows and how nots’ of heartbreaks.
Social media break-ups
The first few hours after the break-up are usually the worst. Especially in the age of social media.
After my last break-up (not my first), I realised that it was going to be even harder than it had been in the past. My girlfriend, now ex, had informed me of our break-up through the humblest means possible: the Instagram Direct Message. Now, this wouldn’t have meant anything; but, as we met through Instagram, that stung!
In the minutes that followed, I found myself sitting by my phone contemplating if it would be childish to unfollow her Instagram account. Block her or something. But, as I stared at my phone, it quickly dawned on me that she was gone and there was nothing I could do about it.
I began combing through her hundreds of Instagram posts, looking for clues. Was this all a joke? But the joke was on me, as I realized she had deleted all the pictures of us. My head began to pound as though I had opened a door leading to my skull and invited drummers in there.
Don’t leave me hanging
A friend of mine recently got his share of heartbreak and, because his story was similar to mine, I offered to help him ‘spy’ on the girl on social media. Because I am that kind of super-friend.
I followed the girl on Twitter and Instagram. Occasionally, I would send screenshots of her status updates to him and we would have long discussions about her. According to him, this helped him go through the process a little.
The girl hadn’t just broken up with him, she had also blocked him on every single social media platform. I would ask him why she did this but he would reply that he didn’t know.
I could relate. This is one of the reasons social media relationships are so hard because of the lack of closure for at least one of the parties.
Before my ex broke it off with me, for instance, she had severally stood me up on dates she suggested, and she had never been able to offer me any reason why. So when she finally broke up with me, I knew better than to ask questions.
Someone to talk to
But more than getting answers about our break-up, what I really wished for was someone I could talk to while I was trying to pick myself up again. I was not brave enough to ask. My friend was able to confide in me. I, on the other hand, was lurking in the shadows of all her posts.
What happens to you when you have someone else to talk to is that you open up a channel to unload whatever hurt or hate you might feel towards your ex.
My friend, for example, was back in the game faster than I could imagine, while I was still complaining about how I wasn’t meeting the kinds of women I liked. My friend was going on dates and was already telling about how he felt he had met someone he would like to date for a long stretch.
If I had been brave enough to share my pain, I may have gotten my much-needed closure much sooner.
What are your tips for getting over break-ups when you can keep on checking on your ex’s every move on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram? Follow us instead and share your thoughts.
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (40)
I and my ex broke up since…
I and my ex broke up since December after he went through my phone and find out I was about to cheat on him…but by February to which is the following year we both came back to our relationship. Has time pass by,something happened. I actually took his girlfriend calls and because of that he told me directly to my face he doesn’t want the relationship anymore…to make matter worst am pregnant for my ex but am not planning to keep it I told him abt it but he told me I was playing pranks on him.and his not responsible for the pregnancy that I should go look for the father of the child.. The more reason I actually told my ex about the pregnancy is bcos I don’t want to keep it and I also want is approval to remove the baby…pls tell me how to handle this situation
Hey Gifty, so sorry about…
Hey Gifty, so sorry about this. First, the decision of what happens to your body is your personal decision especially since your ex doesn’t want to take responsibility. While you did get back together, your ex was already in another relationship. Since he refuses to be part of the pregnancy you are carrying, take time and think about your options. You may choose to keep or terminate the pregnancy. Before you choose to terminate, you can consider carrying the pregnancy to term and then give up the baby for adoption. Take time and think about this before making your decision.Check out the following article as you consider your options;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/unsure-about-being-pregnant/abortion
If I read your story…
If I read your story correctly,I believe the entire decision lie with you, but if I may suggest,move on.,..he has and from indications may likely not return to you,for the pregnancy consider keeping it and maybe give out for adoption cos you can’t really tell what tomorrow holds.
Hey Wilson, we appreciate…
Hey Wilson, we appreciate your contribution and suggestion.
Dnt remove d pregnancy bcos…
Dnt remove d pregnancy bcos he brokeup wit u unless its ya decision. But I’ll advice u dnt terminate it bcoz der s sme1 out there dat wil luv u nd ya child.
Hi Peace, thank you for your…
Hi Peace, thank you for your input.
I and my problem fought a…
I and my problem fought a lot and it looked like it was cus i was a virgin and wouldnt let him defile me, well he complained that i overreact a lot and i was too insecure.. and when i stopped reacting he said i was cheating.. he made me look low to his friends and a whole others.. he never fought for me or cared enough.. we jst broke up i am so pained but i feel its best for me.. whats yall opinions
Hello Tammarh, what is…
Hello Tammarh, what is important is what you want not what other people feel/want. Where there is true love and mutual respect, no one partner belittles the other or makes them feel inferior. You should be with someone who respects you for who you are. Perhaps you need to take sometime, reflecting on your life, on your strengths, and on things that make you happy. Check out this article on how to cope with break up: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
Hi, my fiance is nit…
Hi, my fiance is nit straight forward again, what shall l do resolve this pains
Hi Sam, so sorry about this…
Hi Sam, so sorry about this. What do you mean she is not straight forward? Are you still together or you decided to break up? All relationships will have problems from time to time, it is how both partners choose to resolve the issues that makes the difference. If you are still together, it is important that you find a good time and talk about what is going on in the relationship and agree on how to address the issues together. If you choose to break up, all you can do now is to move on. This is not your fault, you have no control over the choices of the other person and even when you do your best sometimes a relationship may not work. Check out the following article for more information;-
https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems
https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
My boyfriend broke up with…
My boyfriend broke up with me I really want to forget him but it hurts.please what do I do
Hey Mary, so sorry about…
Hey Mary, so sorry about this. The truth is that you can’t just forget about the time you shared with this person and in other cases you may never even forget a person you dated. However, you can heal from the hurt of the break up and be able to move on and even get into another fulfilling relationship. It is unfortunate that not all relationships will last a lifetime, this however doesn’t mean that your next relationship will fail. Start by accepting that this happened, then forgive him these will make the first step toward your healing process. It will take time but eventually you will move on. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
I dated this guy for 2yrs, I…
I dated this guy for 2yrs, I love him with everything I stand for. He chatted me on WhatsApp telling me he wasn’t interested in the relationship anymore with no concrete reason why. It hurts because I thought he saw a future with me, I guess I thought wrong.
Hello Ruth, we are so sorry…
Hello Ruth, we are so sorry about this. The unfortunate truth about relationships is that not all of them will last forever and sometimes even when you do your very best a relationship may not work since you have not control over the actions and choices of the other person. All you can do not is to move on, this maybe difficult since it hurts. Time is however, a healer, it gets better with time. Start by getting rid of all negative feelings and then take a day at a time, it will get better. Additionally, have a look at the following article for more tips on coping with a breakup;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
I need help,I love this guy…
I need help,I love this guy and i knw it,I met him during service,we became so close,we had a relationship, I got use to him,now service is over we separate, he started giving me attitude I talk about it,he wasn’t changing so I called it off,but what I didn’t realise was that I already made him my happiness,now it so hard to breath,I talk to him about makeup and all he said was he doesn’t do well with long distance relationship, he also said he want to focus on his future…am really loosing my mind,hoping someone would help me b4 I lose my self
Hey Amina, so sorry about…
Hey Amina, so sorry about this. This person was not treating you right while you were together even though you loved him. It is normal to feel this way after a break up, but you need to remember the reason that led to the break up in the first place. Also, he has already moved on and doesn’t seem to want to get back together with you and for this reason you also need to move on as well. Moving on can be tough but time is indeed a healer. Take one day at a time and you will be able get over the break up and move on. Have a look at this article for some tips for coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
I just end a six…
I just end a six relationship, am feeling sorry for myself
So sorry Bonike. The end of…
So sorry Bonike. The end of a relationship can be challenging but all you can do when a relationship comes to an end is to move on especially when there is no chance of getting back together or your are both not interested in getting back together. Check out this article for tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
I Broke up with my guy cos…
I Broke up with my guy cos he told me his planning to have another date and i got to find out that he has numerous girlfriend’s.I could’nt bear it i decide to break up with him .the problem i have is just for me to forget him which am finiding difficult.
Hi Ejimadu , it is normal to…
Hi Ejimadu , it is normal to feel the way you are feeling since you just broke up. It is going to take sometime but eventually you will be able to move on and perhaps, get into a new fulfilling relationship. Remember, this was not your fault, you had no control over the actions of your ex. Have a look at the following article for tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
I miss my ex… He broke up…
I miss my ex… He broke up with me and I still find myself thinking of him everytime….i wanna stop thinking of him…but how???
Hello Jesykah, it is normal…
Hello Jesykah, it is normal to feel this way especially if you still have feelings for your ex. Moving on after a break up can take sometime but eventually one is able to move on. Try and fill your leisure time with fun activities, find a new hobby or hang out with friends. This will help put your mind to other things you like. Take each day at a time, time does heal. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
He is a kind of a person…
He is a kind of a person that like to Force on one thing.He broke up with me bcoz he wanted to travel out for his education.he due call me sometime,he said dat he still want to be my friend nd he tells me that he still love me. I still love him I can’t imagine myself throwing away what we shared together. Bt what I don’t understand is why he will break up with me when he claims that he still love me.(it’s hard for me to forget he)
Hey Evan, so sorry about…
Hey Evan, so sorry about this. Making a long distance relationship work can be challenging because of the long periods partners spend apart. This maybe the reason why your partner opted to break up with you even though you still love each other. However, if partners are committed to each other, they can make a long distance relationship to work. There are a few things partners can do to make the relationship work, see the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/long-distance-love-keep-it-hot-with-this-proven-technique
You can share this with him to see if he is willing to try and make the relationship work. All the best.
My boyfriend just broke up…
My boyfriend just broke up with me and am in pains right now
Dear Joyce, we are so sorry…
Dear Joyce, we are so sorry about this. It is unfortunate that not all relationships last a life time, even when you do your best sometimes a relationship will not last forever. When this happens all you can do is to move on, it is difficult and painful, but with time one is able to heal from the hurt. Have a look at the following article for some tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
I just broke up with my…
I just broke up with my boyfriend last night and I blocked him but I didn’t have the heart to do it so I unblocked him and called him this morning but he deliberately snubbed me and it hurts because he always ignores me
I mean I never ask him for anything I’ve always been the good girlfriend, I come to his house when he asks me to, he never visits me I spend my time and my money coming to see him, on the most part he’s uncaring and he ignores me and we fight a lot so I broke up with him and it hurts a lot because I really love him and from the way it looks he might have been cheating on me too
I feel so hurt and pained
Hello Ibiara, so sorry about…
Hello Ibiara, so sorry about this. It is unfortunate that not all relationships will last for a life time. At times, even when you have done your very best a relationship may not work. It is normal to feel this way especially after a break up. However, if you constantly fought, he wasn’t caring and you feel he was cheating on you, this was perhaps the right thing to do. It is normal to have mixed feelings but you need to think about what you want moving forward. Break ups are tough but eventually and with time one is able to move on and overcome the hurt. Live one day at a time, get a new hobby to fill your leisure time which may include spending time with your friends. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
My girlfriend said is over…
My girlfriend said is over between us, and it surprise me becouse we never had any fight only to find out that she has another boyfriend and am finding it real difficult to forget her but i really want to forget about her
Hey Dan, we are so sorry…
Hey Dan, we are so sorry about this. Unfortunately, not all relationships will last a lifetime even with your best effort sometimes a relationship may not work. This was not your fault but all you can do now is to try and move forward. Moving forward can be tough, it may not be possible to forget about a person you spend time together a love in a day. Time however is a healer, eventually you will move on and perhaps forget about her, for now take one day at a time and with time you will get over this hurt. Have a look at the following article for more tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
I broke up with my boyfriend…
I broke up with my boyfriend , but i don’t seem to got over him, i still love him and i don’t want him back because his a cheater, he respects me but he has a child with his ex, and the lady gives me a lot problem and my ex keep asking to forget about the lady but makes me to end, the relation is that the has move in to his house. that if i call my guy he will pick or chat with me, so i got upset with and decide to leave him, but this the first time that i can’t get over him, . please i need your advice
Hey Pleasure, it is normal…
Hey Pleasure, it is normal to feel this way after a break up, especially if you are still in love. If he has been cheating on you, it means he doesn’t respect you. All you can do now is to move, this can be tough but with time you will get over the hurt and move on. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up
i have not has sex since the…
i have not has sex since the past 2 years i met my girl, what should i do?
Hi Scott, what should you…
Hi Scott, what should you about what? That you have not had sex for the last 2 years does not and should not affect your new relationship. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date
How to break up
How to break up
Hey Sophia, check out this…
Hey Sophia, check out this article for some tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-break-up
My boyfriend-ex bumped into…
My boyfriend-ex bumped into me and told me he’s pregnant for him, I decided to ask him and he told me that tho they had sex but he’s not responsible for the pregnancy. The lady in question is really threatening us with this, I then decided to break up with him but he wouldn’t let me go claiming that he loves me and all was just a mistake.. Am confused right now, what can I do???
Hey Rukayat, sorry about…
Hey Rukayat, sorry about this but did this mistake happen before or after you got together? If it is before, this is in the past and you both do not need to allow this to affect what you have now. If this happened while you are together it means your boyfriend cheated on you and for this reason you need to take sometime and think about whether you are will to forgive him and whether you are able to trust him moving forward. Should you choose to move forward together, it will be important to agree on how your boyfriend is going to participate in raising the child he will be having with his ex. Agreeing about this early will help to ensure it doesn’t negatively affect your relationship. Take sometime and think about all these issues and then make an informed choice. All the best.
I told my man am not…
I told my man am not interested in our relationship anymore and he agree now I want him back how can I make it up to him
Hello Oluwabukola, thank you…
Hello Oluwabukola, thank you for reaching out to us. I’m so sorry that you are going through this hard time. The best thing you can do is make an apology and explain to him that you would want him back. However, remember that it is very possible that he will not share these sentiments and you should prepare yourself for that.