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Surviving heartbreaks in the age of social media

The really crazy thing about being heartbroken and riding out the storm is that there are no manuals on the 'hows and how nots' of heartbreaks.

Social media break-ups

The first few hours after the break-up are usually the worst. Especially in the age of social media.
After my last break-up (not my first), I realised that it was going to be even harder than it had been in the past. My girlfriend, now ex, had informed me of our break-up through the humblest means possible: the Instagram Direct Message. Now, this wouldn’t have meant anything; but, as we met through Instagram, that stung!

In the minutes that followed, I found myself sitting by my phone contemplating if it would be childish to unfollow her Instagram account. Block her or something. But, as I stared at my phone, it quickly dawned on me that she was gone and there was nothing I could do about it.

I began combing through her hundreds of Instagram posts, looking for clues. Was this all a joke? But the joke was on me, as I realized she had deleted all the pictures of us. My head began to pound as though I had opened a door leading to my skull and invited drummers in there.

Don’t leave me hanging

A friend of mine recently got his share of heartbreak and, because his story was similar to mine, I offered to help him 'spy' on the girl on social media. Because I am that kind of super-friend.

I followed the girl on Twitter and Instagram. Occasionally, I would send screenshots of her status updates to him and we would have long discussions about her. According to him, this helped him go through the process a little.

The girl hadn’t just broken up with him, she had also blocked him on every single social media platform. I would ask him why she did this but he would reply that he didn’t know.

I could relate. This is one of the reasons social media relationships are so hard because of the lack of closure for at least one of the parties.

Before my ex broke it off with me, for instance, she had severally stood me up on dates she suggested, and she had never been able to offer me any reason why. So when she finally broke up with me, I knew better than to ask questions.

Someone to talk to

But more than getting answers about our break-up, what I really wished for was someone I could talk to while I was trying to pick myself up again. I was not brave enough to ask. My friend was able to confide in me. I, on the other hand, was lurking in the shadows of all her posts.

What happens to you when you have someone else to talk to is that you open up a channel to unload whatever hurt or hate you might feel towards your ex.

My friend, for example, was back in the game faster than I could imagine, while I was still complaining about how I wasn’t meeting the kinds of women I liked. My friend was going on dates and was already telling about how he felt he had met someone he would like to date for a long stretch.

If I had been brave enough to share my pain, I may have gotten my much-needed closure much sooner.


What are your tips for getting over break-ups when you can keep on checking on your ex's every move on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram? Follow us instead and share your thoughts. 
 

Comments
Gifty iteke
Wed, 04/03/2019 - 07:52
I and my ex broke up since December after he went through my phone and find out I was about to cheat on him...but by February to which is the following year we both came back to our relationship. Has time pass by,something happened. I actually took his girlfriend calls and because of that he told me directly to my face he doesn't want the relationship anymore...to make matter worst am pregnant for my ex but am not planning to keep it I told him abt it but he told me I was playing pranks on him.and his not responsible for the pregnancy that I should go look for the father of the child.. The more reason I actually told my ex about the pregnancy is bcos I don't want to keep it and I also want is approval to remove the baby...pls tell me how to handle this situation

Hey Gifty, so sorry about this. First, the decision of what happens to your body is your personal decision especially since your ex doesn't want to take responsibility. While you did get back together, your ex was already in another relationship. Since he refuses to be part of the pregnancy you are carrying, take time and think about your options. You may choose to keep or terminate the pregnancy. Before you choose to terminate, you can consider carrying the pregnancy to term and then give up the baby for adoption. Take time and think about this before making your decision.Check out the following article as you consider your options;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/unsure-about-being-pregnant/abortion 

If I read your story correctly,I believe the entire decision lie with you, but if I may suggest,move on.,..he has and from indications may likely not return to you,for the pregnancy consider keeping it and maybe give out for adoption cos you can't really tell what tomorrow holds.
I and my problem fought a lot and it looked like it was cus i was a virgin and wouldnt let him defile me, well he complained that i overreact a lot and i was too insecure.. and when i stopped reacting he said i was cheating.. he made me look low to his friends and a whole others.. he never fought for me or cared enough.. we jst broke up i am so pained but i feel its best for me.. whats yall opinions

Hello Tammarh, what is important is what you want not what other people feel/want. Where there is true love and mutual respect, no one partner belittles the other or makes them feel inferior. You should be with someone who respects you for who you are. Perhaps you need to take sometime, reflecting on your life, on your strengths, and on things that make you happy. Check out this article on how to cope with break up: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

Hi Sam, so sorry about this. What do you mean she is not straight forward? Are you still together or you decided to break up? All relationships will have problems from time to time, it is how both partners choose to resolve the issues that makes the difference. If you are still together, it is important that you find a good time and talk about what is going on in the relationship and agree on how to address the issues together. If you choose to break up, all you can do now is to move on. This is not your fault, you have no control over the choices of the other person and even when you do your best sometimes a relationship may not work. Check out the following article for more information;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

Hey Mary, so sorry about this. The truth is that you can't just forget about the time you shared with this person and in other cases you may never even forget a person you dated. However, you can heal from the hurt of the break up and be able to move on and even get into another fulfilling relationship. It is unfortunate that not all relationships will last a lifetime, this however doesn't mean that your next relationship will fail. Start by accepting that this happened, then forgive him these will make the first step toward your healing process. It will take time but eventually you will move on. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

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