A red paper heart being torn apart by two people

Failed relationship: moving on

Should you break up with your partner as soon as you feel you are no longer compatible, or should you wait it out and see if it will pass?

‘The truth is, I wanted the relationship to end, but I didn’t want to deal with the loneliness that comes with it,’ Rita says.

Postponing the inevitable

Rita postponed her breakup for two years, saying she would dump her boyfriend when someone better came along. She had dated her ex for five years before she called him up one evening – after he cancelled their date night plans for the umpteenth time – and told him it was over.

She then ignored his calls in the coming days, told the guard at her apartment not to let her ex in, and deleted him from all her social media accounts.

‘I know it may sound a little harsh, but it’s not like I just woke up one day and decided to dump him. Our relationship had become this mundane, predictable affair where we took turns yelling at each other,’ Rita says.
She said she realized she wasn’t compatible with her ex in the third year of dating, but continued on with the relationship because ‘it was easier to do that than get back into the dating world.’

But it became clear that Rita couldn’t stomach some of her ex’s habits and that she might be better off alone.

Became complacent

‘He had become complacent and didn’t put any effort into the relationship. It was like we had been married for 40 years; yet we hadn’t even tied the knot. He always cancelled dates because “something came up” and never felt bad about it. In fact, he made me feel as if I was petty for being upset that he cancelled the dates. I just got fed up.’

Dead-end relationship

Rita said sticking to the ‘dead-end’ relationship was ruining her chances of finding love elsewhere. ‘Once I realized the relationship was going nowhere, I started paying more attention to the people around me, looking for potential suitors, but I found they were not approaching me because they knew I was in a relationship. My social media accounts had been flooded with pictures and sweet nothing posts from the days love was still fresh.’

Rita says that’s when she understood she needed to cut ties completely with her ex and start afresh. She deleted all the photos and memories of her ex and updated her Facebook status to single. ‘I made the status update be visible to my friends. And that’s how a guy approached me. I didn’t even know he had been interested! We are dating now.’

So, if you realize you partner doesn’t seem to be putting any effort into making your relationship work and into making you happy, it might just be because he isn’t that into you.

Sit down and think whether it’s time to move on, or whether you are just going through a rough patch in your relationship. If it’s the former, get out and don’t look back, lest you get sucked back into a dead-end situation.

When is the right moment to break up? Join the discussion on Facebook or below. For break-up questions, get in touch with our forum moderators.


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Recent Comments (14)

  1. A friend is currently in this
    A friend is currently in this situation, no trust, no communication, yet they feel like into each other.

    1. Thanks for sharing that with
      Thanks for sharing that with us. Hopefully you can share the article with your friend so that she can be helped.

  2. that is a good discussion
    that is a good discussion

    1. Thank you very much Shamir’s
      Thank you very much Shamir’s

  3. i dont know if i shuld say…
    i dont know if i shuld say my case is worse because my partner has stopped communicating with me for 4months now without any notice. now i dont know if i am in a relationship or not and i am finding it hard to move on.

    1. Hi Zita,…
      Hi Zita,

      I can imagine that this is frustrating to you. Do you have a way of reaching out to your partner so you can get to know what is going on? You need to get to know what’s going on, have closure of this then you can move on if your partner is no longer interested.

  4. Good decision making…I…
    Good decision making…I need an advice I was in a relationship for three years then we broke up few months ago have not been able to move on bcoz I still love the guy although he has no interest in m anymore ….what am I supposed to do

    1. Dear Diana, so sorry about…

      Dear Diana, so sorry about this. The only thing you can do right now is to move on as well. It is normal to still have feelings for your ex after a break up. However, if he has already moved on or has no interest in getting back together with you, you also have to move on. This can be tough, with time though you will be able to move on. Begin by coming to terms and accepting that your relationship came to an end since this is the first step toward moving on. Have a look at the following article for more tips;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up

  5. Currently she’s not…
    Currently she’s not communicating its coming close to a month now though the has been no argument or whatsoever that may lead to her silince,I have been calling ,texting BT no response though her phone is on what should I do ?

    1. Hi Dante, thank you so much…

      Hi Dante, thank you so much for reaching out to us and we are sorry to hear about what you are going through, what triggered her lack in communication with you?

  6. Been in this toxic…
    Been in this toxic relationship however we just broke up but I still do love that girl how do I stop thinking of her?

  7. Hi Alex, sorry to hear about…

    Hi Alex, sorry to hear about what you’re going through bro, the best way to get oer these kinds of things is to focus on yourself and excersize self love e.g. work out, treat yourself well, lan on friends and family and make plans for the future. Check out these links on how to deal with what you are going through:



  8. Am married for nine years,…
    Am married for nine years, but my husband doesn’t want to talk to me for the last six months,I have tried to ask him but he didn’t want to answere me what can I do

    1. Hello Lilian, thank you for…

      Hello Lilian, thank you for reaching out to us. The truth is communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship and if you are unable to communicate then things could come to a standstill. It could be useful to get a third party to help you communicate better with your partner.

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