Hands holding rainbow paper hearts, LGBT symbol

It’s time for love

Whether you like men, women, both, or neither, you deserve to be yourself. And you deserve to be in love with the person who makes you happy.


I am looking for love this IDAHOT (International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia), May 17th.

IDAHOT is a worldwide campaign to highlight the various challenges that LGBTIQ*-identifying persons experience, to showcase the hate, stigma, and violence they face.

I have been observing IDAHOT for over ten years. And by now, I think IDAHOT is not just about combating hate with Pride marches and stigma with gay award shows, but perhaps, combating the hate with love. Simplistic, yet effective.

Replace hate with love

I have had several relationships in the past. The longest one lasted almost four years, and it took me another two years before I could get over him. I got a dog, Esperanza, to replace him, but that did not work. He got a goldfish to replace me, but it did not work either. I am jealous as he is now dating someone else – while I am spending cold nights alone over a cup of hot Bournvita, socks pulled up to my knees and a month’s supply of movies on hand.

On the professional side, I have countered homophobia using ‘armchair,’ and ‘airport’ activism. ‘Armchair’ activism means sitting behind a desk, writing brilliant proposals, sending it to donor X, and get funding. ‘Airport’ activism, on the other hand, is more practical – it’s the marches on the street, the interviews, the demos, and other hands-on activities.

Both work. But both fail to grasp that homophobia can’t be defeated by proposals or picketing, but by love.

Life plan: falling in love

It’s easy to forget that. Even I did. Several years ago, as I enjoyed a drink, I wrote down my life’s plan. A list of goals I wanted to achieve when I reached a certain age. But I forgot one crucial point: I forgot that I wanted to fall in love.

We can fight hate more; we can make people understand us more, and we can break down barriers, if we show that our love is valid, beautiful, but most importantly innate.

No message is more powerful than love: two men or two women, or a man and a woman. Or whatever they identify as. It doesn’t matter, as long as there is love.

So, here is how I am going to mark IDAHOT this year: I will walk around the major roads of Nairobi. I will look around at the windows of  buses for ‘the one.’ I have pictured it already: it will a rainy afternoon, he will be gazing out of the bus window, staring at the raindrops. I will be at the bus stage, umbrella in hand. And then I will raise my head, just as the bus is passing, our eyes will meet, and deep inside, our hearts will stir.

And then I will run to him, with my phone number on a piece of paper, hand it to him, and then walk away smiling.

If you are the one, kindly call back. I am waiting.

*Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, and questioning/queer people

Isn’t love a beautiful thing, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation? Tell us your own falling in love story below, on Facebook, or on our discussion board.

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Recent Comments (8)

  1. Stupid post, all lesbians,…
    Stupid post, all lesbians, homosexuals, transgenders etc will go to hell. Repent and be born a gain, Jesus loves you and is ready to accept you and forgive your sins.

    1. Hi, while we do appreciate…
      Hi, while we do appreciate your contribution, avoid using language that is abusive or demeaning even as you express your opinion. You are indeed entitled to your opinion but as you express do respect other who may not share in our opinion.

  2. It’s true , they shd repent…
    It’s true , they shd repent in a nick of time.

    1. Thank you for your…

      Thank you for your contribution Edith.

    1. You are welcome Moreen. 

      You are welcome Moreen. 

  3. Hi admin plz hide my…
    Hi admin plz hide my identity…iam a 29year old lady n im dating 36year old guy for a year now…whn we first met he dd say his staying with sum1 bt his nt happy bt he doesnt knw hw to get out of d relationship bcoz d lady his( bby mama) will hurt him if his honest to her.he even mention tht if he had anada place to go he ws just gonna disappear…he ask me if i will allow him to stay with me i thn said no he cant stay with me i dnt wana b on laybye (hlalisana)n i also told him tht he cnt run away frm his problems…he must b straight forward if his nt longer happy in his relationship .he bought d house n car for thm bt she is also wrkng.
    Late last year we strted to hv sex n he said tht he no longer have feelings or apetite for his baby mama..i told him he cn hv sex with her adawise she will suspct tht his busy seeiing someone else..he ddnt want bt later he heared me out…i told him me n him will use condom..so d problm strted whn his baby mama ddnt alert him tht she is in a bad periods…n this year feb she told him tht she is expctng their second baby…he was not happy bt i convience him tht a child is a blessing frm God.he feels tht this baby mama is traping him…just because im d one who was telling him to still hv sex with her whn i found out about d pregnancy it ws lik my life came to an end…i ws emotional n felt lik thrs no future 4us anymre i blocked him all ova n ignored his calls bt he neva gave up he came to my flat n told me he love me n he neva felt this way abt someone b4…i then told him tht all men are d same what makes him differ n he dd say some aspcts tht gave me hope….n this year march he ws askng me hw do i fell abt pologamy i told him i dnt hv a problm if its been done by someone else bt i dnt see myslf sharing my man for d rest of my life….i told him tht if his thinkng of doing it he can do i wl support his decision bt without me in his life.end march he said thrs somethng he need to tell me tht is being bothering him since last year my heart strtd to pump fast n i ask him are u married with tears in my eyes….he looked me in d eyes n said it happn a month before he met me n he ws nt ready bt he ws forced…i told him marriage is a big responsibility n commitment so as an adult u should nt allow to do somethng tht u nt ready for coz u must leave the rest of ur life unhappy…i cried my butt of asking myslf y he only tell me nw i told him he must carry on with his family n he must try to go bck on d memory tht made him fall for her n forgt abt me …he said thrs no memory she approached him whn thy were students till he gave in …n she strted to visit him n leave her clothes 1by 1 thts whr it ended up 4thm staying togeda nothing was really planned…he dd not wanna give up on me he kept coming n said he will go for divorce coz his nt happy n thr no communication btwn them …i love this guy somuch n i gave him second chance for him to really prove himself tht he love me n really wanna b with me as he claimed…he found a job in anada province so it will b more easy for us to communicate at anytym n i will b able to visit him.i love him n i can c he love me too…i dnt hv kids yet n im loyal to him…wht do u thnk abt my story admin n followers wht can i do should i let go (though its tough i love him n wana grow old with him)or should i stay n hope tht he will make d best decision for himself?

    Thank you in advance ♡

    1. Hi There, thank you for…

      Hi There, thank you for sharing with us. This man is in another relationship, he is living with another woman they have a child together and another on the way. He are married. You need to think about whether you want to be a second wife. Also, as long as your relationship remains a secret he is cheating on his wife with you and if he can’t respect his wife, the same might happen to you. Take time and think about what you want, then talk with him about what your expectations are. If he is unwilling to leave his wife even though he says he is unhappy, will you stay with him or will you walk away? Think about this and make a decision.

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