Larger woman looking into the camera with a questioning look on her face
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Big girl blues

By Rose Odengo March 11, 05:55 am
Anna keeps having verbally abusive relationships – even when it starts well. At one point, the nasty remarks just start coming in. It’s made her bitter about men…

Always cute and chubby

'I was always a big girl. I was the cute and chubby one in all the family pictures. That look works for as long as you are young. When you grow up and you’re 5’6’’ and 90kg, the ball game changes. The looks of disgust and the pointing of fingers start getting to you.

'I’ve tried all kinds of diets and even worked out at the gym for a long time. I even maintained 70kg for a while; it was still big, but thinner. But what’s funny about being ‘big boned’ or ‘plus-sized’ – or whatever politically correct hogwash you prefer to use – is that you never ever see yourself smaller. Even if you have lost all the fat, you still see a fat person in the mirror.

A love for meat

'Then I met Ken who said he loved my curves and loved his women with flesh on them. Yeah, so I felt at ease, slowed down on my gym visits and stopped caring about what I ate. Ken loved nyama choma and we also religiously consumed stewed, roasted, or fried red meat on weekends. I remember the second time we went to Kikopey, I was very hesitant in my eating. Ken nudged me to eat more. I had slowed down on my teenage binge eating sprees, but now when my boyfriend showed approval I ripped into that meat!

'His friends also loved me. “Enyewe Ken wako haringi na food,” one friend said. Both my man and his boys loved me. Sold!

Not the right curves

'But I should have been more instinctive. Within a few weeks, I hit 80 kilograms and Ken was slowing on our trips out of town and speeding up with excuses. I will never forget the night it ended. It had rained, I was drenched and the traffic was stuck. We opted to just grab a coffee to kill time. Ken couldn’t find parking and told me to go ahead and order something. I hadn’t eaten all day, so I ordered a meal and some coffee. I opted to not order his coffee because it might cool.

'Half an hour later Ken walks in drenched and sits down at the booth. ‘You know you have such smooth dark skin, I normally don’t date your kind. You are lucky,’ he said. I ignored him.

'You have become nicely round lately but it’s a shame it doesn’t go to the right curves,’ he continued.

'By now I had lost my appetite.'

'Then his tirade continued… I looked down and asked myself how I got to this point that my self-esteem was dictated by what a man wanted. I was broken. I just wanted, for once, to be loved for who I was. I am a good person and I deserve to be loved for my great personality and equally big body.'
 

Have you been disrespected for being who you are? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook: Love Matters Naija and Kenya.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
martha
Tue, 03/11/2014 - 07:16 pm
Pple discriminate me coz of havin streach marks around my legs. To a point i wud buy bio oil to reduce them i cud neva wear short cloths until one day i joined the institution am in. We are not permitted to qea trousers i remember once a workmate told me i shud wear things tht cover me legs coz the marks are too many i felt soo bad. But i held my head high. Right now i wear whteva i want without a care in the world
Nkozi Martins
Wed, 03/12/2014 - 01:14 pm
"The problem is not the men but you Anne.listen to my comments after your statements and think again: "Even if you have lost all the fat, you still see a fat person in the mirror---Response;This Mummy is a God given figure.You cant force it down.Mistake number one. “Then I met Ken who said he loved my curves and loved his women with flesh on them. Yeah, so I felt at ease, slowed down on my gym visits and stopped caring about what I ate. Ken loved nyama choma and we also religiously consumed stewed, roasted or fried red meat on weekends.Response-Ken loved 'HIS' women that way!That is demeaning and arrogance to show that he has sampled many and is still sampling.You jumped in to be one of those many for hit and run.Ken wanted a fun companion for get-a-ways as and when he feels like.You succumbed to a play boy.You slowed down on ua gym schedules to please a man not ua health na mwishowe? "I remember the second time we went to Kikopey, I was very hesitant in my eating. Ken nudged me to eat more. I had slowed down on my teenage binge eating sprees, but now when my boyfriend showed approval I ripped into that meat!Response-It is so much unto the food you eat but how you ate it!Maybe ua habit on those occasions piss him "Within a few weeks I hit 80 kilograms and Ken was slowing on our trips out of town and speeding up with excuses."Response-Yes, now you know that Ken was a play-boy and he indeed never appreciated your figure from the word go.Your eating or drinking during ua outings could be having a lot to do with this reaction from Ken. "Ken couldn’t find parking and told me to go ahead and order something. I hadn’t eaten all day, so I ordered a meal and some coffee. I opted to not order his coffee because it might cool."Response;The food you ordered might have been junkies or too expensive for his approval. ‘You know you have such smooth dark skin, I normally don’t date your kind. You are lucky,’ he said. I ignored him. ‘You have become nicely round lately but it’s a shame it doesn’t go to the right curves,’ he continued. By now I had lost my appetite."Response;This statement has alot to do with the cost of the food you ordered which to him never translates to ua healthy values except secretion.In essense he was saying indirectly that you keep eating expe and preferring expensive joints but whatever you eat leaves you worse than the amount he pays.He might have been right but the language and tone he used was disgraceful and inappropriate.What I am also saying politely is that you failed to appreciate your relationship with Ken over and above the fun-swag.You reduced ua relationship to a carefree one than a serious bonding one.Fun and more fun and in expensive places. "I looked down and asked myself how I got to this point that my self-esteem was dictated by what a man wanted. I was broken. I just wanted, for once, to be loved for who I was. I am a good person and I deserve to be loved for my great personality and equally big body.”Response;Anyone in ua shoes can feel the pain Mom but remember you contributed to reaching that point.You are easy to giving in and slow to learning what a man wants in u.This situtaion affects over 65% of today's dating girls.It is not exceptional but a common phenomenon.As long as the guys drives, is cool, swag and ready to party and spoil you, nothing else matters. I hope, women reading this sad story are able to get anything beyond the story.Your life is best when managed by you not by others and no matter what society feels about you, you must be your satisfaction b4m others.Ua body is a temple of God and no man should come and abuse it on ua face.To avoid such scenarios second time, take time b4 u agree to a relationship.
Hi NIkozi, you definitely make some good points. But no matter the physical appearances of people, we should remember that all people deserve respect. But thank you for your very elaborate comment- we are looking forward to hearing more from you!
DENNOH
Mon, 07/07/2014 - 10:55 am
4 MI ITS A ILLUSTRATING XTRY BUT KNW THT IN THS WOURLD CHALLENGES ARE THERE AND THE INPORTANT THNG IS JUXT 2 KNW HW TO FIGHT THEM,I LV U GUYS
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