Bunch of bananas wrapped in colourful condoms
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Staying Safe

If you go beyond kissing and caressing, it’s important to know how to have safe sex and talk about it with your partner.

This is unsafe

  • Intercourse (the penis inside the vagina) without a condom or another form of contraception such as the pill.
  • Penetrative anal sex (the penis inside the anus) without a condom.
  • Oral sex without a condom for a man or a dental dam (also called a vaginal dam – a square of latex to cover the vagina) for a woman.
  • Using each other’s sex toys without washing them in-between.

This is safe

  • Caressing, tongue kissing, cuddling, massaging, masturbating yourself or your partner.
  • Intercourse (the penis inside the vagina) with a quality approved condom.
  • Intercourse (the penis inside the vagina) with a quality approved condom to prevent infection and another form of contraception such as the pill to be sure of preventing unwanted pregnancy.
  • Oral sex without getting sperm or blood (for example menstrual blood) in your mouth.

Two is better than one

The safest way to have sex is using both a condom and another form of contraception, such as the pill. The condom protects you against many sexually transmitted diseases. The other contraceptive, such as the pill, is to make sure you don’t get pregnant. Because a condom isn’t 100 per cent effective. For more information, see the section on birth control.

Never use two condoms at once though.

What’s in a name – STD or STI?

What's the difference between an STI and an STD? You've got a sexually transmitted infection (STI) when you've been infected by bacteria, viruses, or parasites through having unprotected or unsafe sex. If the infection goes on to cause symptoms, such as unusual discharge from your penis or vagina, you've got a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

Generally speaking, the only difference between an STI and an STD is whether you've got symptoms. Either way, you still have an infection that you can pass on to someone else. To keep things simple, we stick to the term STD at Love Matters.

Different types of STDs and STIs – bacterial, viral and parasitic

  • Bacterial STDs are caused by bacteria: chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis.
  • Viral STDs are caused by a virus: genital warts (human papillomavirus, HPV), genital herpes (herpes simplex HSV-1, HSV-2), water warts (molluscum contagiosum), Hepatitis B, HIV (which causes AIDS).
  • Parasitic STDs are caused by parasites: Trichomoniasis (Trich), pubic lice, scabies.
  • Other infections that make it easier to catch STDs: bacterial vaginosis, candida (yeast infection).

The tricky thing about some STIs is that you can have them without noticing any symptoms, so you don't even realise you have an infection. But if you do have symptoms, it's important to get them checked out by your doctor/health care provider.

In women, the most common symptoms are:

  • Pain when you urinate
  • Pain when you have sex
  • Bleeding in between your periods or when you've had sex
  • Yellow, green, or bloody vaginal discharge
  • Strong vaginal odour
  • Itchy labia, vulva, or pubic hair
  • Anal discharge
  • Bumps, sores, warts, or blisters on the genitals or anus area
  • Abdominal pain

In men, the most common symptoms are:

  • Pain when you urinate
  • Pain when you have sex
  • Discharge from your penis or from your anus
  • Bumps, sores, warts, or blisters in the genital or anus area
  • Pain in one or both testicles

If you have symptoms or think you may have an STD do not ignore it! Make an appointment with the doctor or go to an STD clinic.

Most STDs are easy to cure, especially if you get treated early. If left untreated, some STDs can cause infertility (Chlamydia) or can be fatal (HIV).

Comments
Hi nice lecture, but my case is different my hubby is a chronic pornographer and this has affected our love making he stay upto 3 month's without sex becos he masturbate and am not the type that believes in infidelity and i believe he plays out too, what do you advice, and most times when he comes to me i feel pain because he comes at the wrong time
Hi Ogbest, Thanks for writing to us. It sounds like your husband is addicted to pornography and that needs help to stop. If you haven't you need to start talking to him about it and encourage him to get help. Addictions are difficult to get rid off and needs a lot of will from the person and support from friends and family. Check out this article to learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/how-talk-about-pornography-your-partner . Also check out https://lovematters.co.ke/news/porn-top-five-facts .
Your hubby either thinks you are a lousy lay or very naïve and conservative when it comes to sexual matters. Its either you become abit more liberal or he tones down. But one person has to relent since a compromise is clearly not happening. My girl is the 'get on get off type' or maliza utoke' if you will. That attitude sends me straight to porn hub to beat the hell out of that snake so that it gets the satisfaction it deserves.
Hi Lexis, The only way your boyfriend can satisfy you is if you are able to satisfy yourself. You need to discover what you like and how you like it so that you can teach him. You can do this by masturbating. Check out this article https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/masturbation .
l stay wit ma hubby for nw 2yrs bt he tries his best to arouse me bt I don't feel him yet I love him so much.do I av a problem? if yes wat should I do to improve cause I don't wanna lose him. AHmBY
Hi Shilla, What is it that you like? What turns you on? If you have the answers to this you can teach him how to turn you on and improve your sex life. Read more here https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/talking-about-sex .
dancinger
Fri, 01/20/2017 - 21:07
awesome lessons, I like the teachings but, am worried about what you say concerning mastabating " if your used to it and get addicted, will it not interfere with your feelings towards your partner! please help!
Hi When one is addicted to anything its never a good thing. But the truth is only a very small % of people become addicted to masturbation. Masturbation does not interfere with ones sex life, instead it compliments it. Read more here https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/masturbation-relationship .
mcneo beats
Sat, 01/21/2017 - 16:14
hi i'm one ov da victim under PE circumstance buh i feel very bad when i spend lil time for da 1st round unlike having much time in da next rounds #plz help
yes,sperms are confirmed to be having the highest concentration of the virus(high viral load),including the spinal fluid,thus AIDS can still be spread through sperms or any other fluids though there is no blood contact

Hi Jonex, It is normal to have disagreements in a relationship. It is however, important that you address the disagreements without having to hurt each other. Consistently fighting or disagreeing could be a sign of deep sited discontent in the relationship. You and your partner need to talk and find out where this is coming from and see whether what is leading to this can be addressed. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/fighting-dos-and-donts

Hi there, one condom male or female when used correctly and all the time will help protect against unplanned pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections. If it is really important that partners prevent pregnancy, then they can consider using at additional birth control method for added protection. This is because birth control methods do not individually provide 100 per cent prevention. Using 2 methods improves the prevention chances. Check out the following articles for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/condom

https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/female-condom

https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/choosing-the-right-birth-control/how-well-does-it-work

Hey, there is a risk depending on how long it took between when the the condom broke and when you noticed this and changed it. It is important to use condoms correctly, this ensures that it does not break during intercourse. This includes the use of one condom at a time. Have a look athe following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/using-condoms-dos-and-donts

I really don't trust condom. If I don't know the status of the person I with I will not have sex with them. Condoms break and they are not foul proof. Better abstain if your not sure, that's just me.
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