Garlic is for vampires, not vaginas

At a bridal shower, the older ladies are giving advice to the bride-to-be. Some of the advice is sound, but other advice is just downright disturbing… Garlic where?!? Shave what?!?

An uncomfortable position

It began as a regular bridal shower… The elder women were offering a variety of sentiments on how to keep a man in your bed. They suggested sexual positions that sounded either uncomfortable or boring. They exchanged remedies that seemed rather archaic – such as ‘Feed him often!’ and ‘Don’t ask too many questions!’.

Then one woman said we should shave everything off and as often as possible. This inspired another woman to say that to keep your hoo-ha looking and smelling fresh, we should also do what she does: lubricate it regularly with a garlic-based mixture, three times a week. This, she said, cleans out your lady parts – douching, basically. She claimed that 15 years into marriage and two kids later, her man still comes home to her every night.

Douching is so last century

In my opinion, garlic is for vampires, not vaginas. The vagina is a self-cleaning body part, and therefore needs no help!

And what’s this fascination that the modern world seems to have with making women-bits look like those of five-year-olds and smell like flowers (or garlic – tastes differ, I suppose)? Vaginas don’t smell like roses. They smell like vaginas. And that’s how they should smell.

Funny smells

So what does a vagina smell like, you ask? Well, there is the day-to-day discharge – which is normal, and is a combination of a little sweat and woman juices. Then there’s the stuff that comes out for some women when they’re ovulating – also perfectly okay.

The only discharge you should worry about is the one that has a smell. (And I don’t mean your period which can smell a little like iron – you’re losing blood, and blood has iron in it.) If you smell yeast, you may have a yeast infection. If you smell something distinctive, like fish, you could have another sort of infection or even an STD. So get that checked!

Pruning your hoo-ha

Women do a lot of unhealthy stuff, just because they want to look neat. Granted, this is a choice for every woman, but sometimes we go a little too far. Putting a sharp razor near my hoo-ha makes me nervous – but that’s just me. But please, no chemicals – that’s a bad idea for everybody. All your little lady needs is a little water. She can do the rest herself.

At the end of the day, it’s your vagina and it should be your (healthy) choice. Want a little cushion? That’s fine. Content with a landing strip? We’re behind you. Prefer smooth and sleek? Hey, it’s your bikini line. Just don’t go overboard, for the sake of your sexual health.

So I know what I’m going to say when I can start dispensing advice at a bridal shower: Say it loud, say it proud: Having a bush is okay! Vaginas smelling like vaginas – also okay!

What advice would you give to a bride-to-be? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.