1) Trap penises
Can couples really get stuck together during sex?’ Yes they can!
‘Penis captivus’ occurs when the muscles of the woman’s pelvic floor contracts during orgasm and clamps around the penis which then swells yet more. This 'champagne cork' effect is extremely rare but has been documented throughout history.
In 1372, a stuck French couple was rushed to a nearby church. 'Prayers were spoken and the couple's prolonged intercourse came to an end (although they were obliged to return to the church on three Sundays, strip naked and beat themselves in front of the congregation).'
In 2012, a YouTube video from Nairobi, Kenya shows a crowd around a house where a cheating couple had allegedly become fused. 'It was reported that the couple regained their liberty after prayers – and after the cheating man promised to pay the husband 20,000 Kenyan shillings. He was filmed going to an ATM to withdraw the money.'
Cold water can also be an effective antidote against ‘penis captivus’. In most cases, however, couples get unstuck naturally after a few seconds. But as a doctor noted: 'If you're in that position, that probably feels like an eternity.'
2) Get high
Many news stories feature women smuggling drugs in their vaginas. Very few news stories feature women applying drugs directly to their vaginas.
Until: ‘Can the first ever lube containing medical marijuana get your vagina high?’.
A lubricant called FORIA, which is a mixture of coconut oil and marijuana’s active ingredient THC, is currently undergoing testing. 'The product works specifically for women because of the very sensitive and absorbent membrane of the vagina and entire vulva — inner and outer labia and clitoris included,' claims the developer of the product.
Test subjects have already experienced 'heightened sensation, warmth, tingling, or a sense of swelling or engorgement'.
But if you want to get really high from FORIA, you need to eat it – 'making it an excellent incentive to go down on someone'.
3) Cut the flaps back
An Australian study found that one in five women had some interest in having their vaginal lips (labia) surgically pruned, according to ‘“Designer vaginas” in the media can encourage genital surgery’.
'The study also found that women who had greater exposure to images of female genitals through a range of media sources (television, Internet, advertising, and pornography) were more likely to be dissatisfied with their own genital appearance and consider labiaplasty.'
4) Make art, not surgery
An artist has taken plaster casts of 400 women’s vaginas to create The Great Wall of Vagina, according to ‘Sculpture and art explore vagina taboos’.
'The idea that women are cutting off parts of their genitals to conform to some notion of a popular aesthetic… that we’re in a society that make that happen, I find a bit repulsive,' says the artist.
The artist hopes 'that by seeing the wide range of normal vaginas, women will feel less anxious about the appearance of their own and that they will make informed decisions about modifying their pre-existing plumbing.'
And in other creative news: ‘"Vaginal Knitting" is the new thing in activist performance art’ and 'Vagina selfie for 3D printers lands Japanese artist in trouble'.
5) Pumping, pumping
‘Vaginal weightlifting: Kung Fu for your fanny’ sounds over-ambitious.
But how about ‘Meet the K-Goal, a FitBit for your vagina’?
'If you’re female, you’ve probably heard that Kegel exercises – a method of strength training for the pelvic floor – are a good idea for better health and better sex.'
And now with the new K-Goal device and app, you can pop in a little silicone pillow in your vagina that will tell if you if you are doing these exercises correctly. It also includes a vibration option for extra incentive.
Perhaps after enough exercise, you will even learn how to trap penises at will!
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