Concerns about breaking up are bad for your relationship
Do you worry all the time that your partner is going to end things with you? All that worrying might actually help to make your worst fears come true.
Constant worry
You and your partner have been dating for four months. They are totally into you, all your friends say, and it’s true you do spend a lot of time together. What’s more? They have even introduced you to their friends as their partner.
Still, you’re constantly worried the relationship is going to end. Why? Because small things really bother you. Anything – if they don’t hold your hand, change plans, don’t call for a few days, or even sleep at a regular time because the poor person is tired! You’re convinced it means they are going to dump you.
All in the mind
Your real problem is that you are always worried about breaking up with your partner – when there is no actual reason for it. These feelings are just in your mind and they are not even real. There isn’t a risk of them doing so and thinking negatively could have a real impact on your relationship.
A group of Italian researchers talked to over a hundred subjects – mostly women. The aim was to see how feeling your relationship is at risk affects romance and commitment to the partner.
Make-believe
The researchers made the students believe that their relationship was at a low, medium or high risk of coming to an end. Next, they asked them how often they got into minor arguments or fights with their partners.
Finally, they asked how the students felt about their partners romantically and how committed they were to the relationship.
Shocking results
Seriously worrying about your relationship is not a good sign. Regardless of whether your partner is actually going to break-up with you or not but if you think negative, chances are that they soon will! Also, too much worry is not good for romance!
The study found that the participants who were most worried about their relationship were totally unhappy with their partner. Now wait for the surprise find – the habit of worrying had nothing to do with how often they actually fought or argued!
Protecting yourself by pulling away
What happens when your romantic feelings towards your partner turn negative? You feel less committed to them, the study showed. In a way this makes sense.
If you’re convinced that the break-up is sure in future, you might try to protect yourself by pulling away.
If you have a good reason to worry about your partner – like you spotted some lipstick marks on his shirt, or she’s avoiding you – then worrying about your relationship makes sense.
But if there is no real reason to worry, it’s not doing you any good. Be positive, think positive, think good and the good will happen to you. If you want to remain negative, the negative will happen to you.
Reference:
Sciara, S. & Pantaleo, G. (2017). Relationships at risk: How the perceived risk of ending a romantic relationship influences the intensity of romantic affect and relationship commitment. Motivation and Emotion.
Do you constantly worry about your partner? Share your stories with us in the comments section or on our Facebook pages for Love Matters Africa and Love Matters Naija.
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Recent Comments (10)
I agree this is bad for any…
I agree this is bad for any relationship. Been there done that and it only hurt the relationship.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing.
I one to ask a question I am…
I one to ask a question I am in love with someone,and letter the my guy bey car he attitudes change on me,shall I let go of him.advice me
Hi Success, have you talked…
Hi Success, have you talked to him this? You may want to raise your concerns with him, get to know why he has changed toward you. Also, get to know whether he is still interested in being in a relationship with you. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems
Me and my girlfriend we…
Me and my girlfriend we breaked up wen she told me she want to abort since she was pregnant,,, what should I do to get her back
Hey Antony, you could simply…
Hey Antony, you could simply ask to see if she is interested. However, has the issue that led to your break up been resolved? It is important that you talk about it and agree on how to proceed. It is normal to disagree on different issues in a relationship, what’s important however, is how you choose to address the differences. Have a look at the following article for some tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/fighting-dos-and-donts
Am dating a Muslim married…
Am dating a Muslim married man. He has been so good to me till now. But something has been happening for almost a month. He doesnt talk to me even i call or text him but when i send him a message asking for money he sends it. What does he really mean with this?? Is he leaving me?
Hello Anonymous, we are so…
Hello Anonymous, we are so sorry to hear that you are having problems in your relationship. The fact that he is married could be a complication in this situation. Try and have a conversation with him about this. Try and explain how you feel, and what you want. Also try and listen to him.
I had a boyfriend we have…
I had a boyfriend we have dated for so long when i ask him when is going to marry me he told me to wait,i decided to move on to another relationship without teling him…..now he wants to marry me….the relationship iam the guy told me he is stressed up to leave him alone….how can you advice me iam in dilemma
Hi Anonymous, thank you so…
Hi Anonymous, thank you so much for reaching out to us. This is indeed a dilemma. This is a choice you have to make. Best thing to do is take stock of both relationships, decide what you want to do with your life, and what you want for your future. However, going forth it would be best to be open and honest with your partner to avoid situations like that.