Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Man seeks obedience

I’m in a relationship with two Muslim girls. I love the first one but she isn’t doing what I want. I’m not so much in love with the second one but she’s obedient.

Hmmm, well if you want obedience, I suggest you get a dog and train it well. As for which girlfriend you should choose, why don’t you create a relationship with a woman that you have a deep affection for?

Life lesson

Your short e-mail tells me that you are in the middle of learning an important life lesson: other people are not here to obey you and do what you want. Believe it or not, these two women have vivid and complex lives that will continue to be vivid and complex whether or not you are in their lives.

Failure and misery

My opinion might sound harsh but if you are going into relationships expecting that the other person will do what you want, obey you, and serve your whims and desires, then you are setting yourself and that person up for failure and misery. There is a reason all relationship experts talk about compromise as a vital part of all relationships. Whether we are relating to your parents, friends or neighbours, we all give a little to accommodate other people and keep them in our lives.

There are people who are particularly controlling and what they really want is a submissive spouse.

Figure out what you want

 If you are one of these people then it is great that you are learning this about yourself while you are still dating so that eventually when you do pick a partner, you will pick one who submits willingly to avoid constant conflict. I will not tell you which woman to choose, rather I will encourage you to continue to study yourself and figure out what makes you happy in a relationship so that eventually you will pick the right person. That person might not be either of these women.


Are you controlling in a relationship? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on our Love Matters Kenya and Naija Facebook pages.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (4)

  1. Hi, is it ok 4 a lady 2 be
    Hi, is it ok 4 a lady 2 be controlling? pliz help me if am wrong 2 control my man.thanx

    1. Morgana,

      that’s a dififcult one.
      In what way are you controlling?

  2. I still do love my frst love…
    I still do love my frst love ad he does tew bt I am married,ad te man am married to cnt feel te same fr him,,,,wat do I do plz

    1. Hey Swtbae, I can imagine…

      Hey Swtbae, I can imagine how confusing this is for you. It can be challenging to move on after a breakup especially when partners are still in love. You however need to remember the reason why you broke up, met a new person and even got married. It is important for you to consider what is important for you now, and even in the days to come. Are you willing to give up your marriage to go back to your ex? What makes you feel your relationship will work this time around? Take sometime and think deeply about what you want and what is important to you to be able to make an informed decision. Check out this article;-

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships