Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

How can I get her to love again?

By Valentine Njoroge June 20, 06:00 am
I asked a girl I really love to date me. But she said that she can't because, after a series of heartbreaks, she's unable to love. How can I gain her trust and love?

Trust and grief

Congratulations on identifying that the thing that's missing is trust!

Like the girl you are in love with said, she has been hurt. However, what she might not realize is how heartbreak makes us doubt ourselves and our decision-making process. She may not trust herself to pick the right man; especially while she is still grieving.

Other options

It is good that you have made your feelings and your agenda clear. You are in love with her, and you want to be with her.

Because she is not ready to be in a relationship with you, is there another option that works for the two of you?

If you can, offer her your friendship. This will give you a chance to get to know each other.

Building trust

The only way to build someone’s trust in you is to be trustworthy and reliable. Keep your word and all the promises you make to her. That includes seemingly small things like calling when you say you will and turning up on time. 

Women also open up to communicative men who are open about themselves and willing to listen to us. Let her share what she is going through and help her on her journey of getting over the heartbreaks of the past.

You could try new things together so that she begins to associate ‘safety in new experiences’ with you. You must also respect her ‘no’ if and when she says it.

Keep in mind that there are no guarantees. She may get over her ex and start dating other people. Or she may not be able to build trust for you. That will hurt you.


Only you can decide if she is worth the risk of your own heartbreak.

Related: Why I'm So Scared Of Relationships


Heartbreak is tricky business. How do you deal with it? Leave a comment or join the discussion on our Facebook pages Love Matters Kenya and Naija.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
SHAFIC
Tue, 12/22/2015 - 10:20 am
hey love matterz..i hv agalfrd..i love her so mch and she tells me dat am da only man she love buh i alwayz catch her with guyz giving them da contacts..
corazon
Tue, 12/22/2015 - 10:24 am
i fell in love with my ex 1yr 4months ago recently he started accusing me of cheating which i wasn't. we talked abt it for long n he confessed that he was seeing another gal before me and they never broke up coz he thot he will get over her and leave her when with me which he dint and so he has bn having both of us ever since. now he broke up with me to remain with the other gal coz he can't get over her. av bn so loyal and loved him so much. am so hurt i cant move pls help me plz. am hurting badly.
Hi like this chic, we met during an internship. But she is 2 years older than me, she is great but don't know how to tell her I love her, because she might see the age thing as an issue.
Hi Jay it could be difficult to tell her but the truth is if you don't tell her she will never find out. You might be surprised to know she might not care about the age difference. But regardless of the outcome at least you will not linger wondering and asking yourself what if.
Tom, someone who has a crush on you will want to see you all the time look at you and just be in your vicinity as much as they can. You can always try to talk to her and break the ice . Find out what she thinks about you.
av got this problem with ma man,,, we've be dating for 3 yrs now n to b honest I do lov him n he claims to love me more..surprisingly he alwys talk of seeing a future in me n to a sure me of it, he has introduced me to his family n frnds...now here is d big problem,,he cheated on me the whole of last yr bt thanks to my holy angels I came to realize it before the yr ended,, I tried to confront him about the issue bt all he did was to deny,,later on I received all the kind of insults from his side chic n I decided to x pose them to him,, he accepted his unfaithfulness n promised never to repeat,,,Well, of late he has changed if I may say,when i pay a visit to him,am surprised by the way he receives different calls from different chics at late hrs, he would leave me in his house and show up the following morng drunk,, when I ask him the reason behind spending the night outside he remains speechless,,,,My query is ,is he rlly the tru guy for me or what might b happeng?...Nid ur help plz cos i sincerely love him from the bottom of ma hrt
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