Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

How can I get her to love again?

By Valentine Njoroge June 20, 06:00 am
I asked a girl I really love to date me. But she said that she can't because, after a series of heartbreaks, she's unable to love. How can I gain her trust and love?

Trust and grief

Congratulations on identifying that the thing that's missing is trust!

Like the girl you are in love with said, she has been hurt. However, what she might not realize is how heartbreak makes us doubt ourselves and our decision-making process. She may not trust herself to pick the right man; especially while she is still grieving.

Other options

It is good that you have made your feelings and your agenda clear. You are in love with her, and you want to be with her.

Because she is not ready to be in a relationship with you, is there another option that works for the two of you?

If you can, offer her your friendship. This will give you a chance to get to know each other.

Building trust

The only way to build someone’s trust in you is to be trustworthy and reliable. Keep your word and all the promises you make to her. That includes seemingly small things like calling when you say you will and turning up on time. 

Women also open up to communicative men who are open about themselves and willing to listen to us. Let her share what she is going through and help her on her journey of getting over the heartbreaks of the past.

You could try new things together so that she begins to associate ‘safety in new experiences’ with you. You must also respect her ‘no’ if and when she says it.

Keep in mind that there are no guarantees. She may get over her ex and start dating other people. Or she may not be able to build trust for you. That will hurt you.


Only you can decide if she is worth the risk of your own heartbreak.

Related: Why I'm So Scared Of Relationships


Heartbreak is tricky business. How do you deal with it? Leave a comment or join the discussion on our Facebook pages Love Matters Kenya and Naija.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Hi Kip, try not to cross her paths. Don't take her phone calls, delete her from your Facebook friends and if you do see her in person, say 'hello' nicely and then ignore her. Also, talk to your new partner, explain the situation and be open about what is happening. Be honest and try to show her she has nothing to worry about.
Hi Joyline, ouch, that sounds painful. If I were you, I would have a serious conversation with your lover about his priorities. But I would be careful, he doesn't sound like the most committed man in the world!
i lov thiz lady very much ,we hv been in relatnshp 4 more thn 2yrs ,te other dei sme frnds told me dat she wz dating anthr man wen i asked her she answr me rudely n she told me never text her again .wad should i do.
Ouch Felix, that doesn't sound nice. Do you think she was offended that you questioned her, or do you think she genuinely has something to hide? Give her a bit of time, and then try to have an honest conversation with her. Clear the air and get to the bottom of it! Good luck!
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